#finalsprocrastination

By Johanna Mort

“Finals are coming.” –Jon Snow

20 Days Until Final

1. You’ve got so much time! This semester is going to be totally different from all the rest. You’re gong to start studying now with a very structured schedule, so you’re not panicking the week of finals. Perfect.

10 Days Until Final

2. Wait, where did the last ten days go? It’s okay; you’ve still got enough time to prepare. On a completely unrelated note, The Walking Dead is a fantastic show and you’re so glad you got that out of your system before finals week.

9 Days Until Final

3. You should probably make a revised study schedule. Organization is key to successful studying.

8 Days Until Final

4. You better compile a list of all the lectures you need to re-listen to (or listen to for the first time, because sleep), and then calculate the number of hours it will take to get through all of them.

5. Holy shit. How many classes did you skip????

6. It’s cool. You’ve got this. You watch the first lecture and take notes that are so good they should probably be knighted.

7. You reward yourself with one episode of television. You heard Sons of Anarchy is supposed to be good.

7 Days Until Final

8. Okay, Sons of Anarchy is kind of blowing your mind right now.

6 Days Until Final

9. Wait, when did it become actual finals week?? That wasn’t supposed to happen for another two weeks!

10. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha brb panicking.

11. Time to calculate the minimum grade you can get on every final to pass the class.

12. It could be worse.

13. Watch another lecture, panic a little more because there’s no way you’re going to have time to watch all of these AND study the material.

14. Call up your classmate and offer up everything short of your eternal soul in exchange for copies of their notes.

5 Days Until Final

15. Your professor sends an email saying the TA will be holding a final review session. You praise everything you can think of, because you’re Kate Winslet and this review is your floating door.

16. You arrive at the review the same way you arrived to your first day of kindergarten: so full of joy because is this really happening??

17. You leave the review completely horrified because there’s so much information you didn’t even know existed and how did everyone else have such informed questions and the things you thought you understood are confusing now and oh god this is worse than you imagined.

4 Days Until Final

18. Run to the store and stock up on every horrible food that crosses your line of vision. The stress eating has begun.

19. Stare at your notes. Reread that same paragraph for the fortieth time.

20. You can’t focus. Clear your mind with an episode of Sons of Anarchy.

21. What’s the difference between one episode and five? You’re going to fail anyway.

3 Days Until Final

22. NO. YOU WILL NOT FAIL. YOU’VE MADE IT THROUGH WORSE. YOU’VE GOT THIS.

23. Run to the gym to work off some of the stress. Plus, you ate an entire party-size bag of chips yesterday. Not your best moment.

24. Yesssssssssss. That work out was awesome! You’re so ready to study!

25. Studystudystudystudystudystudystudystudystudystudystudystudystudy.

26. Everything’s making sense. You’re so proud of yourself; you’re going to get a full night’s sleep to really solidify the information in your brain.

2 Days Until Final

27. You quiz yourself on the things you studied yesterday, but you don’t do nearly as well as you thought you would. Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

28. You’re so stressed the only thing that makes sense to do is take a nap.

29. Calculate the number of hours before your final.

30. Cry over your notes.

1 Day Until Final

31. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

32. Brew so much coffee that your blood is going to be 85% caffeine by this time tomorrow.

33. Sort all of the information into three categories: “What’s DEFINITELY going to be on the final,” “What might be on the final,” and “Fuck it, there’s no way I’m going to be able to figure that out before tomorrow.”

34. What’s sleep???

35. Hysterical laugh-crying as the number of hours until the final enter into the single digits.

0 Days Until Final

36. Massive cramming that’s so panicked that it’s really not very productive. Speak the notes out loud! Repeat the key points over and over! Make up fun sentences to boost memorization!

37. Feel a blissful calm descend over you as you enter the classroom. This is it. There’s nothing more you can do than just take the test with whatever knowledge stuck.

3 Days After Final

38. Wake up from post-finals coma in unspeakable joy and finish Sons of Anarchy. You survived.