#finallyfeelibg

So yeah I don’t even know if anyone’s gonna even see this really but I just need to vent to someone and seems as I don’t wanna upset the balance within my friendship group I thought you guys (if there’s anyone seeing this) would be a more sympathetic audience for the ramblings of a 29 year old gay man with manic depression 🤗 social anxiety 🤗 and the icing on the cake is I’m GAY 🏳️‍🌈 there is a point to this but I thought getting that part out the way would be easier done first...

So lately I’ve been feeling rather godamn shitty... well not shitty... more like there’s been a void inside me where my emotions should be... all in all a manic depressive episode fit for anyone... pretty sure there’s a song out there somewhere that says “the pills don’t work, they just make you worse” and I kinda agree.... well they don’t make me worse they just keep the episodes more spread apart but then when they hit they bear hug the fuck outta me....

Well this particular mother fucker has been going on for 6 weeks... and now today I’ve had what felt like a normal day... all be it I was hungover to hell and back and i looked like absolute shite I went out for food with the family.... then there was work... oh joy of joys... social media policy tellls me that I’m not allowed to tell you where but it’s like hell but hotter... nothing knocks you back down to earth like being overworked, underpaid and kinda paranoid that they’re trying to give you the proverbial boot.... I just need to get that off my chest because right now I’m just so tired... tired of not being okay... but it’s okay not to be okay but this episode seems to be lasting like a mother fucker and I’m fed up of feeling like I’m living a dream where in I can’t wake up and feel life around me, now I’m just sort of surviving, not caring... just a ghost... and its kinda hurting... it’s weird as fuck and as I’m sat here now at 1:28am at the time of writing this exact sentence.

And I’m not saying I feel better because it’s not gonna just snap... but I can sort of feel the presssure lifting off my chest... just enough to think I might actually make it through tomorrow alive...