"i dropped spaghetti on my grandpa's butt and he died. how do i do it?"

Griffin: Uh, here's our final Yahoo. This one was sent in by Merit Palmer, from an anonymous Yahoo! Answers user who I will call "Banjo" asks: "Are buffalo wings proof that God loves me and wants me to be happy?”

Justin: Oh, that's a good question. 

Merit: [laughter] It was a question to me, too, because I know what buffalo wings are, but, I mean, that's a good question. Because they're amazing. 

Travis: And I wouldn't be surprised if they were one of the original foods that God made. 

Merit: [laughing] That's true. 

Justin: Yeah. He said, you know, if you believe in God, then you believe in everything that he loves. What you eat or drink is a blessing. How I do everything in my life is proof that God loves me. 

Travis: What?! 

[laughter] 

Justin: [laughing] Um, and if you don't believe in God, then, you don't think that. So, that's why I brought it up, because you don't even question that at all, that's a huge question, huh? If you believe in God, you can't even conceive of a world where buffalo wings aren't God. That is a belief. 

Travis: Where do you go from here, Banjo? 

Banjo: Where do you go from here? Well, I don't know if I agree with it 100%, and I don't know if there's, that's more of like a poetic way of saying that. Like, God doesn't necessarily love buffalo wings. I don't know if that's in God's persona. 

Justin: Sure. 

Merit: [laughter] I mean, that, that's very possible. God might be like Travis and not like buffalo wings. 

Merit: That's, I mean, he could actually be into that, because buffalo wings have so much, so much mass. 

Travis: Yes, buffalo wings. They're tasty. 

Justin: Yes. That could be right. But, uh, but there's also this other reason why it's possible. You know, one of the ideas in my self-published zine is that we create in order to fight against our own opinions, to force ourselves to look at them and see them as flawed and see them as ill-defined and ultimately see what they can be through contradiction. It's absolutely possible that Buffalo wings are the substance of what's holding you back. 

[A brief conversation about the symbolism of Buffalo wings].

Justin: Ooooh! 

Travis: Kate, if you‘re reading this—you‘re not going to be happy with your answer, you‘re not going to be happy at all. 

Justin: Kate, you suck. 

Travis: This is our response to you: An elephant takes a dump. A lot. It takes a really long time to drop a lot of solid turds, and then for the rest of its life, you will be confronted with its embarrassing, immature, seemingly never-ending, diarrhea. 

Justin: Yes, this, uh, was the answer. 

Travis: Yup. That‘s the answer. 

Griffin: Ooooh, they‘re still at it. 

Justin: If you were thinking about picking up a pet elephant for your family… Griffin: They‘re—I mean, the whole point is that an elephant only poops when it needs to, I think. I don‘t know if it‘s some kind of sexual thing, but I don‘t think an elephant‘s going to wake up and say, “Today, my anus feels like its about to explode, so I‘m just going to poop.”

Justin: ‘Cause he‘s so afraid!

Griffin: ‘Cause he‘s so afraid!

Justin: Yep.

Travis: Yep.

Griffin: Don‘t you want to be like Buzz?

Travis: ‘Cause he doesn‘t.

Griffin: That‘s my point.

Justin: Yeah, he wants to be with all of us, so he‘s afraid. I‘m a toy, too. We‘re all toys.

Griffin: We‘re all toys.

Travis: And the only thing we can do to stop getting sold to Toys “R” Us, to getting trashed, is to say, "I am not a toy."

(Question from episode 435, Answer written by AI)

Zoe writes: "I don't know why but ever since seeing Dwayne Johnson in Fast & Furious I've wanted to write this. He looks just like that guy who is in the WWE. He's got the same piercing blue eyes, and his mouth shape is exactly like that guy's."  

And then Justin McElroy, the co-host of the “My Brother, My Brother and Me" podcast, writes back, "Me too! I watch the WWE all the time! He's got the same hair, the same way he walks, it's just uncanny."

Travis: There is an entire series of hilarious Yahoo Answers where people submit photos of themselves eating massive amounts of cheese in the buff. We first encountered one of these a few months ago, featuring a guy who had previously logged into Yahoo Answers to ask if the company's digital photo albums feature nudity, which is all great, until you realize he had the gall to answer a question about it. "Yeah," he wrote, "they're very nice, but if you're using them to send nudies, I have to say, nah." He attached a photo of himself chowing down on a long rectangular wedge of Brie, with his long locks spilling over his face. After a flurry of comments from his fellow-nudies, Boddy entered an Incredible Hulk pose and declared, "THERE IS NO JUSTICE IN THIS WORLD!" I am one of those awful people who always, always, always posts photos of myself on the internet. But in my defense, it's hard not to when you're this beautiful