for most of her entire life, katarina thought that she was an outcast from the world. a ghost, an outsider, a loner, etc. sheâd never reach out her hand to anyone unless they meant almost everything to her. she had her fair share of close bonds. bonds that she had clung onto and cherished deeply. however, sheâd already lost so much after life hadnât been fair for her for the past decade.
she was fond of the thought of being alone. mainly because she wouldnât deal with people and their pettiness, people always had something to say and it was never nice. so, she retaliated and created a guard in order to protect herself. the icy façade that everyone saw, the way she portrayed herself wasnât friendly or approachable. some had been intimidated. because of the fact that she had pretended to be something she wasnât in order to bottle everything up, she felt alone. that feeling of loneliness wouldnât wither away simply.
though, itâs times like these that sheâs thankful that there were exceptions. that there was the brighter side to life than the grey skies that surrounded her. a person to relate to was a great feeling. she had never really been able to connect with anyone properly. âyou know.. liam.. life is real fair, isnât it?â she looked at her friend, sadness visible through her eyes but had tugged her lips to a painful smile.
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katarina valentine once remembered that during a time in her stay, in a place that ought to be called a âsanctuaryâ to some. however, it wasnât home sweet home for her. the traces of bittersweet memories wouldnât be swept away easily. most of her past was bad, but there was some good too. like, how she met an amazing friend. it was a while, her stay at that hell hole and the meeting. about a year ago or two.
rehabilitation centers arenât exactly safe. not with the way the needles, the treatment, the chemotherapy, all sorts of various methods that even she couldnât name to recover from her leukaemia. sheâll get over it, itâll all be over soon. she didnât like the way that she had lost her long beautiful tresses that passed her chest. she was stuck with a hat for most of the time, concealing that she had no trace of hair. her skin was sickly, pale and lost a lot of colour compared to before. she looked as if she hadnât stepped out to have vitamin d.
more than often not, she didnât pay attention to her looks but this was something else. sheâd rather weep over the fact she lost all her friends in hogwarts because she left without a single goodbye. how selfish of me. she always lurked back on it. she couldnât get over it.
though, apart from her depressing days.. today was different. someone cared enough to visit her, it had been so longâsomeone that knew about her illness. the only person. a vampire, yikes. but, he was that good friend. kim myungsoo.
katarina promised herself that itâll all over be soon. that she would eventually disappear from his life just like that. sheâs forgettable, she knew that much. there wasnât any specialty behind her existence besides that she was a half-veela and sorted into the ravenclaw house. she was a typical, simplistic girl who had too many issues going on behind closed doors. issues she wouldnât dare speak up to her best friend, dorian. in this case, she told him everything from head-to-toe except for one monster that rendered her fragileâ
leukaemia, they called it. she had a check-up awhile back, only to find out that she wouldnât have much time to live if she didnât go through chemotherapy. she couldnât imagine it, if the pain of the illness was much to bear or the fact that she wasnât going to see her best friend in forever. she was putting everything that meant so much to her, all behind.
she knew that her long-flowing light brown tresses would be chopped off in a couple weeks. she knew that it wouldnât be the same, the state her physical health was going to be. she couldnât allow him to see that. not those that she cared for. katarina, at the very least wanted to write an owl to him or even better, a letter she could give to him in person. in the end, she decided to write a handwritten letter that she could give to him in person
inside the envelope was written:
dear my dearest, precious fruit oppa,
this is katarina writing to you. do you know how much you mean to me? do you know how much you are very precious and dear to me? you mean a lot to me, you know. as i write this, i may or may not be here anymore.. weâve shared a lot of good times. a lot of memories that kept our friendship strong. youâve made me smile so much. youâve made me so happy that i forgot that burden i was going through because of my parents. you know.. theyâre not the best right? but, iâm glad to be here at hogwarts because of you and my friends. you guys kept giving me a reason to fight and on and on. but unfortunately.. all good things must come to an end. including us, including me.. and you deserve better.
trust me, i didnât want to hurt you. in fact, i think even if i donât know whatâs going to happen in the future.. i think itâs best to say that i canât be here for you anymore. as the tears stain this letter, iâm not sure how much i have long left to live. i wanted to tell you this in person, face-to-face but i can only weep like a child and write it on this letter. iâm going to disappear for a while. thatâs why i said i wouldnât be here.. for you..
also.. iâve always liked you.. more than a friend.. just so you know. you big fat idiot. <3
sincerely,
katarina valentina.
please take care of yourself.
iâm doing this for the best.. forget me. please..?
she wrote the letter a night ago but when she wanted to give it to him, she couldnât. she only kept it buried in a box, full of secrets, like her illness. something she would never tell him.
she was leaving today, her bags packed with her clothes and all her belongings. she was going back to barcelona in ten minutes. a flight back to the muggle world.
a rose was once a symbol of heavenly perfection and earthly passion, sora was much like a rose to katarina. breath-taking and bestowed with effervescent beauty, she knew what she had lost. gone, just like that. a rose she couldnât keep in her selfish, sinful hands. she had tainted the rose, ripping off the petals one by one to the point that there was nothing left. katarina could call herself a murderer for destroying the poor girlâs heart.
then again, she never meant any of it. not the way she left with a silent goodbye. up to this very day, she still found herself to be the scapegoat ( and should be held responsible ) in regards to her ill-treatment towars sora. it was easy to say that life went on and on, continuously playing and never stopping. but, to find herself atoning for her sins was another path she wanted to take. she had to, she needed to. for the lies she had set up, the fact that she never wanted to wave her hand âgoodbyeâ.
the lingering feeling still existed within the shattered shards of her heartbroken soul. sheâll miss sora now and forever. the feeling of someone having lay against you, to hold hands, share such joyful intimacy was a blessing. nothing that she shouldâve took advantage of.. i am an idiot.
it was another one of those nights where she found herself overthinking, mulling over the same muses before passing out. but this time, she wasnât going to sleep peacefully.. not with the way this woman was invading her mind. sheâll always have a place there and in her heart.
you see, katarina valentina wasnât exactly miss positive. in fact, she was the opposite of that. miss negative. also miss ice princess. she didnât understand how hufflepuffs were so bright and so kind. oh how, she secretly wanted to be like them ( but knowing herâshe wouldnât admit to it, sheâs also a tsundere! ). she hasnât approached chungha too many times but had seen the younger around the campus every now and then.
she wouldnât go out of her comfortable zone to greet the other girl but maybe itâs times like these to call for a change. change wasnât always bad, she didnât like it at times and it took a lot of adjusting.. but she can be a little tad bit social. if only she chose to be. with that, this was one of the rare opportunities one could catch katarina valentina smiling at unfamiliar faces.
âhey you, chungha.â the greeting doesnât start off as a warm one instead but rather blunt, straight off to the point. âhow are you so nice?â
way to go kat, this is totally the way to make friends..
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katarina roaming around the hallways of the castle carelessly, without a single idea in mind as to what she was going to do next. her classes were over, it was her free time of the day before she would stuff her face with endless, countless of spellbooks and studying. theyâre her lover, books and all that jazz. she didnât have any time for anything else nowadays other than studying, maintaining her grades at school. otherwise, her parents wouldnât be happy with the results.
although, katarina mightâve deemed off as a goody miss two shoes right off the spot but she wasnât like that all the way. she had her moments too, just like anyone else but didnât want to expose it to just anyone. she lived her life happily.. on several occasions ( when she wasnât being such a gloom little princess ). whistling through the hallways eased her mind, it was a quiet melody. not too loud or obnoxious.
she kept passing through the hallways until she found herself losing balance, thud. landing on her arse! she was a klutz. âcrap..â she winced in pain upon the impact. she wasnât going to end up going to the infirmary. âwatch where youâre goingââ she said out loud, rudely and bluntly. she wasnât in the mood for this. as she narrowed her eyes to the person she clashed against, it was someone she wasnât expecting.
katarina doesnât like people, she doesnât get along with people. so what was the point of making her way out to go see someone? there wasnât any point. sheâs an antisocial pessimist. ice princess. all these dog tags labelled on her very vain existence. needless to say, she, overall isnât a peoples person. she wanted to do her own thing, hang out with the same faces she saw every now and then than those unfamiliar faces she stumbled upon. there were too many fresh faces she saw as of lately, now becoming people she wanted to avoid.
sheâs kept herself locked up in a dungeon for too long. katarina couldnât keep going on like this. there was an exception, a person that she didnât mind seeing in any time of day. her name was miri, miri was a lovely and sweet hufflepuff. the sweetest girl she knewâmiri was a lot sweeter than sugar itself. something about her personality was so kind and loving. boy, did katarina wish she was like that but nope.
she approached the girl, walking up to her and attacking her with a friendly hug. something that katarina wouldnât usually do but she was comfortable enough around miri. âpretty girl!!â
âso i heard you had a crush on someone hm, hm?â
the words of âi love youâ did come out of her mouth, but it was only once upon a time. a story that she didnât speak about, never shared and told the whole world. a secret that she kept buried in the grave, all to herself. her feelings werenât dead despite how long it had been. love didnât fade away just like that, not in a blink of an eye. katarina was loyal when she had a lover, falling head over heelsâsheâs a sucker when it comes to love. a hopeless romantic.
the legit years that passed by of soraâs beautiful face didnât stop replaying in her mind. she always thought about her. muses found its pathing to the one and only sora. she was a lovely gal that katarina didnât deserve. they didnât end on the best terms. a break up ended with.. broken vows, broken promises, broken everything. most of all, her heart on that day. she wouldnât forget it.
now that she was standing in front of sora face-to-face, something she couldnât believeâ
katarina was taken aback, jaw agape. tears beginning to overflow her eyes. âhey.â was all she can say.
