#file.

a person utterly self-reliant, and if they need others, it's for their interest and whim alone. someone charming, someone who gives others an image that's only one aspect of their entire being— a being that's vast, that nobody has seen in its completeness.

tagged by: @spectracle mwah < 3

BECAUSE I LOVE YOU! passionate; you are the heated moment of an argument. when the person you care for has done something outrageously stupid or dangerous. all of your pent up emotions that you've kept inside of you come bursting out: "beCAUSE I LOVE YOU!" how could they be so dense. how could YOU be so dense. you've loved each other this whole time. your love tends to be strong, and loud. sometimes it might be hard for you to express your feelings but you let people know that they are cared for. you're also hot. good for you.

the lapierre infection, considered the first and only manmade strain of vampirism, was the slayer program’s final attempt at creating super soldiers.   all the stops had been pulled.   the end of all war was in sight.   there had been previous serums developed, and successfully administered, that had proven to be little victories for the corps.   the third trial of the ████ serum, nicknamed the ‘ pain immunization ’ among slayers — made the elite squads of the slayer corps unstoppable.   ghost stories were told of slayers rising, half-dead, to finish their missions.   pain no longer inhibited them, they could power through broken limbs, bullet wounds, whatever had previously been considered fatal.   this so-called immunization made the elite squads a force to be reckoned with.   they were unstoppable, given the ability to push past the human limit.   even before the ████ serum, they had gone through inhumane medical trials which provided them with increased strength and speed, enhanced senses — and yet, it was not enough.   slayers had nearly become a subspecies of their own.   but it was not enough.

to fight monsters, the slayer corps created monsters of their own.   they created vampires.   dr. sebastien lapierre and isaac reid spearheaded the final project, handpicking the slayers that would be subjected to the most brutal trial the corps would ever give the green light to.   henri lapierre, carson cage, and twelve other slayers would be selected.   sergeant graves and command master chief blackwood were almost selected, but dodged the trials, as they were both set to aid in a classified operation overseas and rejected by dr. reid.   sergeant cage dodged the trials, as well — by going AWOL.   which was a wise decision, on his behalf, for all other slayers who underwent the trials would die.   all, save for henri lapierre.   patient zero of the lapierre infection.   the new predator at the top of the food chain.

those affected by the lapierre infection, consequently referred to as the infected, are some of the most dangerous entities humanity has encountered.   they are dangerous to humans, to vampires, and to themselves.   to undergo the violent change, one must introduce infected blood to their body intravenously or via direct consumption.   the aforementioned change is not survived by most, and even if one does survive — their humanity, often, does not.   those with the lapierre infection are reduced to a shell of their former selves, relying on the terrible instinct the infection provides.   the infected often form small circles, akin to packs, and if starvation does not kill them — they kill each other.   for the most horrible aspect of the infected’s existence is their hunger.   animal blood cannot sate them, and human food, though providing brief contentment, will not sustain them.   the infected rely on the blood of humans, vampires, and other infected.   their lifespans are typically short, and their deaths are just as bloody as their rebirths.

𝐇𝐎𝐖 𝐃𝐎𝐄𝐒 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐘 𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍?

bold  —  always applies.   italic  —  sometimes applies.   strike  —  never applies.

ANGER  ——  jaw clenching.  hands balling into fists.  teeth grinding.  yelling.  going nonverbal.  stuttering speech.  rushed speech.  slow, concise speech.  rambling.  quiet.  arms crossing.  shaking head.  tearing up.  animated.  expressionless.  projects.  internalizes.  vents.  withdraws.  passive aggressive.  direct.  physical outbursts.  verbal outbursts.

JOY  ——  easy smiles.  fighting back grins.  suppressed laughter.  loud laughter.  giggles.  chuckling.  smirks.  whole body laughs.  covers mouth when laughing / giggling.  throws head back when laughing.  slaps leg.  touches people around them when laughing.  looks down when laughing.  looks for eye contact when laughing.  sparkling eyes.  bubbly happiness.  quiet, subtle happiness.  obnoxious happiness.  wants to spread joy.  quietly savors joy.  

SADNESS  ——  crying.  bottling it up.  seeks distractions.  wallows.  meditates and processes.  avoidance.  seeks out comfort.  withdraws.  talks it out.  internalizes it.  sad smiles.  depression naps.  uses alcohol.  uses drugs.  seeks out sources of joy.  fidgets with sentimental item.  sits in silence.  broods.  gets moody.  wants someone to share the misery.  tries to hide negative emotions.  nurtures others to make themselves feel better.

EMBARRASSMENT / SHAME  ——  blushing.  looking away.  rubbing at back of head.  covering face.  laughing nervously.  laughs it off.  overthinks.  lets it go.  self-depreciating humor.  deflects.  gets irritated.  smiles.  withdraws.  crossing arms over stomach.  crossing arms over chest.  hands in pockets.  shoulders sinking.  shrugs.  falling into silence until comfortable again.  talking a lot to compensate.

GUILT  ——  avoiding eye contact.  shoulders sinking low.  head hanging down.  crying.  chest aches.  lashes out.  internalizes.  apologizes.  deflects.  communicates.  withdraws.  grand gestures for forgiveness.  accepts fault easily.  punishes themselves.  martyrdom.  victim complex.  over-active guilt complex.  healthy conscience.  internalizes even after forgiveness.  seeking redemption.  moves on easily.  denial.  lack of guilt / conscience.  sorry they got caught more than caused harm.  can’t handle knowing they hurt others.

there was no way of winning, and you knew it too. but you still tried. you tried again and again and again to change it. you fought tooth and claw to change your fate, but she cannot be easily manipulated. it’s not your fault. the game was always rigged against you. from the moment you entered the narrative, your fate was sealed. you didn’t stand a chance.

tagged by: the cruel, cruel @5kyw4rd