im gonna be whiny here so deal with it.
so theres fights coming up in april and i talked to my trainer about maybe doing one and he said he was gonna look and then like last week he said he can probably get me an exhibition but its hard to find me a match for an actual fight because all the girls that fight are like 120lbs and im...not.
as if i dont have enough self esteem issues and hate myself enough. its like oh yay you lost like 55lbs but youre still not small enough to do what you actually wanna do. it just makes me wanna give up and sit and eat like 8 bags of peanut butter cups because whats the point? apparently no matter how much i work, i wont be good enough.
but anyways, and then today he announced on facebook that he got a match for this other girl for an actual fight and she just did an exhibition like a month ago and its just annoying because shes such a big mouth and is all like "yeah, i need to start getting serious about training for this" and im here being serious ALL the time and i run everyday and try so hard but just because im not a loud mouth about it all, i feel like no one cares and theyre not even gonna try and help me to get a real fight. and of course shes smaller than me. so ya know, theres that whole sekf hatred thing again.
i just feel like im never good enough. :(
ok im done being sad.
back to youre regularly scheduled fangirling.
