#fictional memes

okay i can’t stop thinking about all the unnamed members of the gang having their own language of inside jokes/memes

(this was inspired by @sarah-yyy​‘s fic in which zz eventually finds the “can i eat you?” line hilarious...i like to imagine that at some point he innocently mentions it in front of other gang members and they all latch on gleefully)

anyone: “i’m hungry.” everyone else: “oh, do you want a bite?” *waggles eyebrows* 

related: “i could really go for some noodles right now if you know what i mean” and assorted other food-based innuendo. most of it goes over zz’s head but it’s still fun for everyone else (except jack)

jack’s knives are only referred to as other types of weapons. “where’s jack?” “oh he’s out by the pool sharpening his truncheons.” jack hates it because he does have other weapons besides knives and he can never tell when people are actually talking about those

“sir those are jack’s emotional support fingerless gloves”

anytime someone mentions a friend from outside the gang: “okay but how friendly are you, fraction-wise?” but no one has agreed on whether smaller fractions are closer to platonic or closer to romantic so the answer is meaningless

“and they were half-friends” “oh my god they were half-friends”

“zhao zi’s here, everybody hide your pectorals”

in the weight room there’s a bulletin board with a sign that says “DO IT FOR HIM” and a bunch of pictures of zhao zi

fake freudian slips to razz zhao zi about his muscle obsession: “i’m gonna go to the market, does anybody want some glute - i mean fruit?”

there is not a single straight in the entire gang. some joker put up a sign in the gang clubhouse (i assume they don’t all just bro out at tang yi’s house, so they must have some cozy hangout spot where they can let their hair down and shoot pool or whatever) that says “you don’t have to be gay to work here, but it helps!” at every possible opportunity in conversation with a straight person, they’ll work in something backhanded like “truly admirable how well you’re doing in life considering you’ve had no help whatsoever” to that person’s great bafflement

“what up heteros” becomes the standard ironic greeting for a group of other xing tian meng members

one of them saw the “drugs” owl vine and now they all refer to members of other gangs as hooters, which the other gangs assume is something really offensive

they come up with ridiculous code names for nonexistent assignments and sprinkle them into conversation if they think other gangs are eavesdropping so that if the other gangs ever need to discuss them internally they’ll have to say absurd things like “i overheard those xing tian meng thugs saying operation: funky chicken is going down at the docks tomorrow night. everybody get ready”

they all get matching temporary tattoos and try to convince shaofei that it’s their new gang symbol

there’s a rumor going around that before his xing tian meng days, jack was an expert poisoner for hire. now the gang members have started using “take a fucking sip” to mean, variously, “die” (”i want you to take care of that troublemaker.” “say no more, boss. i’ll make sure he takes a fucking sip.”), “take a bullet” (”remember that time shaofei took a fucking sip for hong ye?”), and “give a rat’s ass” (”i don’t have any more fucking sips to take”)

andy told them about the kermit sweater and now they talk about shaofei exclusively using muppet references (while being very careful to never imply that tang yi is miss piggy)

“it’s not the size of the underwear that matters, it’s the number of pigs”

for some reason even though everybody except jack wears suits pretty much all the time, they all refer to suit pants as “power bottoms” (”oh, are those power bottoms new? lookin good bro”). this has been known to cause problems at the suit shop they own when they slip up in front of customers

“i’d stalk you for 4 years demanding to know what you’re hiding bro” “aw thanks bro” “i’d follow you to the ends of the earth bro” “let’s get handcuffed together and go on a romantic hike bro”

de-ge gets very melodramatic whenever he’s injured and brings it up at every possible opportunity, especially by showing off his scars as a way to prove how badass and devoted to tang yi he is. the other gang members have started making up increasingly absurd stories behind all their scars to one-up him. “yeah i got this one punching a rabid squirrel that was flying right toward boss’s face. knocked him right out, but his damn claws slashed my hand open. also i might have rabies now but i’m sure we’ll find out in a couple days”

since the two most successful romantic relationships in the gang are with slightly dumb, very earnest police officers, the remaining bachelors like to scheme about how to catch themselves a cop boyfriend. “which crime do you think i should commit that will get me arrested and taken in to the station but also not be a turnoff?” sometimes they refer to the police station as a singles bar. sometimes they use their one call to tell their lawyer “don’t come in yet, i think the guy interrogating me is about to give me his number.” they have a whole ranking system for crimes based on how easy they think it would be for a potential law enforcement boyfriend to get over, and when a crime needs to be committed they’ll decide which one of them should actually do it based on the ranking of the crime and whose current dry spell is the shortest. unfortunately they also have a very skewed sense of which crimes are worse than others, so sometimes they ask shaofei or zz to weigh in: “hypothetically speaking, which is worse, shoplifting or arson? asking for a friend.”

i like to imagine that jack doesn’t get memes at all, and that’s a big reason that everybody’s so into them, because jack is so cool and in control at all times and the look of confused suspicion he gets when he can’t tell if something is a ridiculous reference or not is the best part of everyone’s day.

de-ge, being the humorless square he is, assumes they’re all at his expense.

dao yi would never partake himself, but he understands every reference and at times can be seen trying to hide a tiny smile.

hong ye, queen of memes, is the originator of half of these, and she has come up with a bunch more poking fun at tang yi specifically that everyone thinks are hilarious but could never get away with using themselves.

tang yi does not participate and for the most part the gang members avoid making references in his presence, but he has dao yi prepare a dossier on each meme and inside joke because he feels it’s important to keep current on what his underlings are getting up to these days.

(previously)

okay it goes without saying that the xtm henchmen have their own group chat where they can peddle in memes and inside jokes without upper management’s knowledge. so far, most of these characters are unnamed and have very few lines (if any), which leaves us lots of room to make up their personalities out of whole cloth. if you ask me, they’re a bunch of goofy gays and bis who hate drug trafficking and express their love through good-natured ribbing and homoeroticism, and here’s a sampling of what i think they would talk about:

whenever someone’s having a bad day and needs to be reminded that whatever way they have of practicing self-care is valid and probably way less weird than it could be: some people??? stalk gang leaders??? to cope???

every time shaofei appears on the property, the first person to spot him sends out a “here come dat boi” alert. phones ping all around the house, followed by shouts of “O SHIT WADDUP!!” shaofei doesn’t have the context for this (the context is that he’s a frog), but he’s grown accustomed to it and even finds himself missing it on those occasions when he manages to enter the house without anyone noticing

one guy photoshopped a cowboy hat onto shaofei’s head and captioned it “wot in criminal investigation” and now whenever shaofei is on the premises in an official capacity (rather than to visit his bf), someone will text out “yeehaw” to warn everybody to be on their best behavior

because shaofei gets hurt frequently but seems to be invincible to even severe harm, the gang likes to be very hyperbolic about his minor injuries. any time he gets so much as a paper cut, someone will come through with: “average person shot or stabbed 3 times per year” factoid actualy just statistical error. average person is shot or stabbed 0 times per year. Shaofei Georg, who has hots for gang leader & is shot or stabbed over 10,000 times each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted (followed by something like “oh great what’d he do this time” “got a splinter in his finger. boss tweezed it and then spent 10 minutes kissing his hand” “sounds unsanitary. somebody call dr. jiang” etc. etc.)

the gang members feel deep affection for shaofei because he clearly makes boss very happy. they love to tease him, but no one is allowed to take it too far. one time someone in the chat said something about shaofei having big ears, and within seconds another guy wrote back “how dare you. he ears JUST THE RIGHT SIZE for he gotdamn face”

(they do talk about things other than shaofei but that’s for another day)

posters in the xing tian meng clubhouse

(the first one is on the wall by the weightlifting equipment obviously)