I am actually crying right now
you guys don't understand but.. shit..
I'm getting what I've always wanted since I was a little girl handed to me on a silver platter: someone, anyone, to just.. love me. To love me and accept me and for once to be good enough for someone.. because I never was. I was never good enough for anyone before. I was always lacking in something, or just.. there. I didn't want to be on a pedestal, I just wanted someone to be proud of me for one second of my life. Just anything to remind me that I have a right to exist, even if I was an accident and a "miracle baby."
While my dad was still here and I was young enough to believe in it, I'd wish on every star I saw, and every dandelion I could get my hands on - anything I thought would grant my wish - for someone to love me for who I am.
And.. suddenly I have that. I have that and so much more. I have someone who loves me, and treats me like I'm a princess even though I don't deserve it (Or at least I don't think I do).. I have someone who gave me a future to look forward to, instead of aimlessly wondering what I was going to do with my life.
He's so far away, though. I'm almost afraid that.. he isn't real. I want him here so I can touch him, and feel his skin under my fingers so that I can confirm to myself that he's real, that this is real, that I'm not the mistake my father tried to deny.
i'm a stupid crying mess right now i am so sorry but i needed to get my thoughts out because my head is not a friendly place lately
Hey, Ish, if you read this: I love you more than I can put into words. I could never repay you for everything you've done for me. And.. you're honestly everything I've ever wanted and wished for. I wish you could stop being so far away so I could just hold onto you and never let go.