The morning was a rush.
Iâd barely gotten out of the shower when I was ambushed by a pair of tailors and a hairdresser. Last minute fittings were needed, mostly at Cassidyâs behest.
A new kilt and sporra were provided. The new jacket needed a few alterations though. I stood in front of their mirrors while the tailors measured and sewed. The hairdresser attempted to fix the mess that was my hair. He tried to slick back my bangs, but I wasnât having it. The braid and new hair ribbon would be fine enough for me.
The only relief was knowing I wasnât alone.
âGood morn-OH!â Annie began, trying to sneak in. Another team rushed her into the room and got to work. âI didnât think Iâd need all the fuss, Colm.â
âNor I, Annie. Itâs good tuh see ye.â I replied with a quick kiss. I tried to ignore the photographer pacing the room. âHow was last night?â
âLetâs just say the potion and tea helped. A lot. Ended up barely sleeping thanks to Audrey.â
âEâerythinâ alright? What happened?â
âIâŚthink itâs best we talk about it later. In private. Iâm alright otherwise, really, it just gave me a lot to think about.â
âOh aye, âcuz that doesne make it sound worseâan-!â
âGood mor-HOLY CRAP!â
I turned towards Bridget, whoâd just stepped out of her bathroom.
As did everyone else.
âUh, sorry, justâŚdidnât expect a full room.â she stated, heading for the window seat to wait. With so many people around, it didnât surprise me if she didnât want to be underfoot. Literally and figuratively. Sheâd barely reached the stairs before someone approached her.
âMiss Bridget?â the woman asked on bended knee. Annie and I exchanged glances and waited to see what would happen. I think we both were expecting the worst.
âUhâŚyes?â Bridget asked, glancing my way as well. Without a doubt she was on edge.
âIâve your outfit here, Miss.â
âUm, I already have-!â
âMiss Gabon insisted. Her exact words were: âthereâs no way anyone is wearing anything off the rack for a coronationâ.â
âOh. HuhâŚum, well, canât disappoint Cassidy I suppose. Thanks.â
âYouâre welcome, Miss. Iâll be right back to do your hair as well.â
âMy what?â
âErm, I donât suppose anyone knows where I can find a âKirby Dawesâ or âFurgusâ?â the woman asked once she got up.
âTake a left out me door, yeâll find Kirby at the end aâ the hall with me sister Molly. Take a right anâ yeâll find Furgus with me brother Liam.â I informed her. âUnless Furgus is runninâ âround like he usually is!â
As if on cue, the door nudged itself open. Furgus had grown quickly in just a few months. As expected from a Fathish Wolfhound. Thankfully, his temperament stayed the same. He slowly paced the room and sniffed people before sitting down in the sunlight. Furgus had gotten into the habit of greeting as many people as he could as a morning routine. Usually ending with BridgetâŚright outside her bathroom.
âI hope no oneâs âlergic.â I said. âWe can kickâim out if ye are.â
When no one spoke up and kept working, the woman pat the happy pup. She changed his collar and added a special cloak to his back. The Arcadi coat of arms was embroidered on both sides.
âHeh. Guess eâeryone has tuh look their best tuhday, huh?â
âOf course they do!â Cassidy added as she entered the room. Her own dress was simple, but colorful. It suited her better than she probably knew. âItâs a big day for everyone, big or small!â
âWere these last minute ideas orâŚ?â
âLetâs just say some people werenât taken into consideration in the original plans.â
âSpeak aâ the DĂŚmon!â I said once I noticed Bridget push past her curtains. The new dress was an exquisite shade of gold. âLookinâ good there, Runt!â
âFeeling good, Scruffy! This dress is lighter than it looks. It even does the Swoosh!â
âThe âSwooshâ?â
Bridget twirled in place, making sure the skirt flittered just right in the sunlight. A few gasps could be heard when she was done.
âThe Swooshâ. Bridget said simply.
âA good Swoosh is hard to come by. You did a great job Cassidy!â Annie said before she did her own swirl. Gasps all around once more. âI take that back. An amazing job.â
ââŚIâm half tempted tuh see if me kilt does the Swoosh now tuh.â
Cassidy giggled nervously as the compliments piled on from all around. She almost dropped her clipboard trying to hide behind it.
âI-if everyone is ready, we can start heading out.â she said once she got her composure again.
It couldnât have been better timed. As soon as we stepped out of my room, so did my family. Molly, Hogan, and Kirby from one end, Liam, Glori, and the kids from the other. Furgus plodded over to Elias, Elma, and Ellie once he squeezed past us.
âIt isne tuh late. âKing Liamâ or âQueen Mollyâ have nice rings tuhâem, ye know.â I quipped when we were all close enough.
We all laughed, but I swore I could see it in their eyes: they still had faith in me.
It felt foolish.
The foyer should have been nearly empty. Instead, it was almost full to bursting with the house staff and their families. There were cheers as we made our way down. I could have sworn there were tears in Tim and Mr. Livingstonâs eyes when they greeted us at the bottom.
âYe ready fer tuhday, Tim?â I asked, shaking his hand.
âWouldnât be a good Court Magician if I wasnât.â he replied with a smile.
âI wanna thank each anâ eâery one aâ ye.â I said to the waiting staff. âI âpreciate yer hard work anâ long service moreâan I can eâer say. Eâen more so fer those who have tuh work tuhnight. Gods Love, there arne ânuff words.â
âSaveâem fer the crowd, Mâlord!â someone shouted.
It got a laugh from everyone. We all needed it, I think. Some more than others. We were split up by carriage. Molly, Hogan, and Kirby would be the first ones out. Liam and his family would be next. Annie, Bridget, and I would bring up the rear. The carriages were open so the crowds could see us, and we the crowds. The Arcadian Guard would be escorting us on horseback and on foot. I watched as Dorian mounted his saddled lion to lead the procession. All the horses and lions were dressed up for the day as well.
Vaughan and Angus were no different. The decorative harnesses and plumes suited their golden manes. The pair huffed and puffed theirs purrs as I gave them loving pats. Angus was excited to be part of something so grand, while Vaughan managed to keep his usual composure. I took the time to feel the scars on Vaughanâs face. Healed over and safe to touch, they were still noticeable even months later. Cassidy almost replaced the old lion because of them. But Iâd insisted he stay.
Vaughan helped save Bridgetâs life that night. And mine. He took on a Greater Wyvern without hesitation.
He earned this spot.
The ride through the city was an experience Iâd never forget. There were dissenters to be seen and heard, without a doubt, but they were eclipsed by cheers and well wishes. Whether those were genuine or not, I couldnât tell. For all I knew, they were just being swept up in the excitement.
It took everything I had not to cry in joy anyway.
We arrived at the temple steps before I knew it. The Arcadian Temple wasnât the first choice to hold the ceremony. DĂşn Meath had been heavily suggested at first. More space, far more grand in comparison. Again, Iâd insisted. The Arcadian Temple was the first building Maureen herself decreed be built. It inspired her to build a city, a nation, in its spot.
Magistrates from all over Fathach lined the stairs. Hand in hand with Annie, Bridget on her shoulder, we ascended the steps. Liam and Molly were waiting at the top. I turned, bowing and waving to all who stood below. They returned the gesture before following us inside. Seats and benches now filled the temple space. Family, foreign dignitaries, and the like filled the building. There would be hours of small talk and polite discussions to be had with them.
Annie and I parted ways just before we reached the altar. She was seated with my family, just a few meters away. It felt like I was waiting to perform on stage for the largest audience ever. I tried to keep my stage fright at bay.
Caledonia was dressed in her robes of ceremony, including the ostentatious hat. She stood at attention in front of the statue of Caduceus. His carven smile looked as enigmatic as ever.
Was He smiling in approval?
Or was He waiting to strike me down?
I stood in reverence hoping for the best.
The crowded hall settled down at the crack of Caledoniaâs bata siĂşil.
âAttend me, you, in this hallowed hall!â she began, her voice strong and booming. âAttend and bear witness! This day, an oath is taken! This day, a promise is made! This day, a leader is appointed! Step forward, they who would accept this honor!â
I forced myself to move. The enormity of it all was beginning to overwhelm me. Having so many eyes watching my steps wasnât making it any easier.
âWho stands before us today?â Caledonia asked once we made eye contact.
âLord Colm Matthew Alexander Brian Arcadi, yer grace.â I answered loudly and steadily. If Iâd squeaked, I would never have lived it down.
âAre you willing to take the oath, Mâlord?â
No. I thought.
âI am, yer grace.â
I couldnât afford the hesitation. Fathach couldnât afford it.
âDo you swear to be faithful to all of Fathach, as all of Fathach shall be unto you?â
âI will, yer grace.â
âLet this ring be worn as proof of your faithfulness and love.â Caledonia stated as a pillow was brought forth.
The ring was set with precious gems and crafted into the Arcadi coat of arms: the Claddaugh. Hands offered in friendship, a heart full of love, and a crown of loyalty. These were the principles that helped establish Fathach.
âDo you swear to fight for all of Fathach, to bring justice swift and true, as all of Fathach would fight for you?â
âI will, yer grace.â
âLet this sword be worn as proof you are ready to defend and fight at all costs.â
The belt was leather, its hilt and sheath bejeweled. The sword itself made of the strongest steel and finest gold.
âDo you swear to guide Fathach, in all its glory and strife, as Fathach would guide you?â
âI will, yer grace.â
âLet this scepter be your proof. Proof of authority, and aid to guide those who would follow.â
The golden staff was about a head shorter than me. It was biting cold at first but warmed the longer I held it. An intricate Claddaugh at the top made me wonder if it would work as a weapon as well.
âDo you swear to follow the word of the Gods, to show compassion and wisdom, as They expect of all Their followers?â
âI will, yer grace.â
âLet this mantle be worn as proof. May the Godsâ compassion and wisdom cover you and shelter you at all times.â
I knelt as the blood red cloak was draped upon my back. The clasp was gold and the trim white fur. It was soft and warm, and thicker than expected.
I stayed kneeling as the big moment came.
âDo you swear with faith and love, with justice, with guidance, with compassion and wisdom, with all these and more, to rule with clear mind and heart, for the rest of your days?â
There was time enough for one last deep breath.
Thereâs still time enough to say no.
âI will, yer grace.â
Coward.
âLet this crown be worn as proof. Proof of your status, proof of your authority, and most of all, as proof of the responsibility you hold most dear.â
I closed my eyes as it was set upon my head. There had been a fear it would be too small. Or too big. Or lightning would strike when it touched my brow.
There was a relief to feel that weight.
âRise now, Lord Colm Matthew Alexander Brian Arcadi. First of his name, first of his title, King of all Fathach!â
The applause was instantaneous.
The cheers deafening.
âALL HAIL KING COLM! LONG LIVE THE KING! LONG LIVE THE KING!"
I made my bows. To my family, to the magistrates, to the diplomats. And, surprisingly, to the few monarchs that attended. King Gerwulf and his family were present. Beside them sat the Empress Sameeksha, SamrĂŁjĂąi of Visdia, and her husband. It was an esteemed honor to have them there: she was expecting her third child any day now.
The true surprise was seeing Queen Letitia.
The Queen of Boudan came after all. Along with her husband and their only child, Princess Marjorie.
There was a moment, the longest moment, where we locked eyes. Both afraid to move.
No, not afraid.
Too proud.
Fathach and Boudan had a long, uneasy history. Fathach was born from a need to escape Boudish rule. We fought, we warred, and Fathach won its independence, its right to stand as a nation. Boudan had been nothing if not bitter ever since.
But that pride needed to be set aside.
For Fathach.
Always for Fathach.
I bowed.
And hid my grin when the trio bowed in return.
Last but not least, Caledonia received her bow.
The cheers and confetti, the firecrackers and flowers, were almost too much to bear during the return procession. Our carriage led the way this time. Annie, Bridget, and I were waiting as everyone arrived. The press took their pictures and made their reports as the rest of the guests arrived. I caught sight of a familiar black braid and purple vest among their numbers. The house staff were lined up and waiting alongside the mansion.
When everyone was finally gathered, I raised my hand.
The Master Magicians and Architects made themselves ready.
With a drop of my hand, the world changed.
The entirety of the Arcadi Mansion transformed as we watched. The piles of supplies changed before our eyes. Stone replaced wood. Windows stretched or shrank or disappeared altogether. A balcony emerged above the new front doors. The structure grew taller and wider before the end.
The effect couldnât have lasted longer than a minute but the result drew thunderous applause. I turned to the crowd once the excitement died down.
âI welcome ye, one anâ all, tuh Castle Arcadi!â I stated, loud and booming. Applause once again. âIâd be honored if yeâd please join me in Crown Hall.â
Annie and I led the way. The staff and their families were quick to find their way in, sliding off to the side and back to their duties. The foyer was larger but somehow still felt the same. The staircases had moved, each on the side of grand doors waiting for us. I waved off the guards who attempted to open them for me. There was a certain exhilaration just touching the ornate handles.
Even more so when I pushed the doors open.
Crown Hall was more than Iâd expected. Larger, brighter, and moreâŚwell, more everything compared to its sister in Castle ScĂĄth. With the amount of space it took up, it would host not only Grievance Day, but any party or social function weâd have in the future. The sight of it all took my breath away.
âHoly Shit!â Bridget said as we walked in.
âCoodneâve said it better meself.â I chuckled.
I chose to welcome everyone as they passed, offering nods and handshakes before they took their seats. The ushers did their best to discourage this, leading people away when they could. Especially when a line started forming just to shake my hand.
âYou neednât be here, Mâlord.â Mr. Livingston whispered as he sidled up beside us.
He was right, of course. It wasnât necessary. In truth, I wasnât ready to take my seat. I wasnât ready to becomfortable sitting on a grand throne, overlooking the hall as everyone had their attention on me. Least of all, I wasnât ready to make my first speech as King. I think Mr. Livingston knew it too.
âMaybe not but it only seems proper, Mr. Livingston.â I replied. âAnâ what did I tell ye âbout the âMâlordâ a decade âgo?â
âWith all due respect, youâre a king now.â
âAnâ with all due respect, Iâm still Colm, arne I?â
ââŚâ
ââŚâ
ââŚAs you wish, sir.â
âThank ye, James.â
Cassidy was speaking with the technicians when I looked up. They had finished setting up the podium and equipment. The testing was finished. With their approval met, it was time. I was ready to run.
Until I felt her hand slip into mine.
âYouâre going to be great.â Annie whispered as we made our way to the -Gods help me- throne. Once there, she gave my hand another squeeze and my cheek a quick kiss. âGood luck, Colm.â
âYou got this, dude!â Bridget said, before both headed towards the front row.
Bridget, Kirby, and the Arcadian Human Guard had a special table reserved for them, with seats their own size. She gave an enthusiastic thumbs up before turning to the others around her. Annie stayed close to the table after setting her down. Liam, Molly, and their families sat on either side. Dorian stood with his wife Lorelei, and their children. Caledonia was making chit chat with the monarchs beside her.
I was surrounded.
The hall was filled, quiet and waiting with bated breath once I reached the podium.
I checked for the nearest exits.
Everyone took their seat when I gave a nod. The sound of hundreds of chairs nearly broke my nerves. Iâd given speeches over the wireless before, been on countless interviews. It took time and practice to get accustomed to the pressure. This shouldnât have been any different.
But it was.
Today was life-changing. Historical.
The start and end of an era.
âBefer I begin, Iâd like tuh thank eâeryone here. I âpreciate anâ am grateful fer yer presence. The reception will begin properly after me speech. I also wanna thank eâeryone in advance fer yer patience anâ consideration as I speak.â I began, carefully extracting my speech from my jacket. The notes were handwritten and barely legible. I refused to let anyone read them over. If I didnât say what I needed to in my way, I was sure Iâd regret it in the end. âAnâ if need be, any aâ the numerous ushers can help ye tuh the nearest lilâ kingâs room.â
The slight rise in polite laughter was the best I could have hoped for.
Cassidy, catching my eye, tapped her wrist. When I nodded, she gave a thumbâs up and a smile. She stood beside the broadcaster and kept an eye on the equipment. My speech was going to be simultaneously recorded as it was being broadcasted. For posterityâs sake, naturally.
The light on the podium began to glow. Three red flashes before it held steady. I was live on the air.
Gods give me strength.
âHullo anâ good afternoon, me distinguished guests. Yer royal majesties, members aâ the High Council, foreign anâ domestic dignitaries, ladies anâ gentlemen aâ the press, anâ most importantly, tuh alla Fathach herself: I bid ye welcome.â I began, keeping my eyes on the words before me. If I actually looked out into the crowd, Iâd freeze up. I knew I would. Pressing on was all I had. âIâd like tuh begin by reiteratinâ a few truths I have always held dear. Truths I have held dear befer anâ durinâ me time as yer High Lord, anâ will continue tuh hold dear as yer King.â
It wouldnât be a lie. Though Iâm sure it would be thrown into question anyway.
âI have neâer seen meself as betterâan anyone else. Nor have I seen meself as below anyone. I have always considered meself as yer equal.â
Not entirely a lie. There were plenty of people I saw as better than me. Saw myself as scum at times. But they didnât need to know that.
âWhateâer power, privilege, or influence I had, I use in the pursuit aâ Fathachâs best interests. All of Fathach has held me accountable fer the last 10 years. I am accountable tuh alla Fathach. It is yer right anâ me responsibility tuh do so. Should ye eâer believe I am unfit fer this office, I will step down anâ another shall take me place. I only ask that ye have faith in what I say, fer I have the utmost faith in alla Fathach anâer peoples.â
It was a lot to expect of them. I knew that. I wasnât even sure Iâd be alive by dayâs end.
âSecondly, Iâd like tuh clear up some confusion. Fathach has âdopted a monarchy. This is true. The rules aâ succession, howeâer, remain as they have always been. A rulinâ Arcadi may choose their successor from within their immediate family or âmong their extended blood relations. No one family line may rule fer longerâan 5 consecutive generations. Titles have changed âround, but the policies remain fairly unchanged. High Lord or King, High Lady or Queen, doesne rule from on high. The High Council is still tuh be consulted on certain matters. The King or Queen holds authority, has a status. They doona anâ canna hold absolute power. They are not âlone in rulinâ.â
Gods help me if I ever had to do this alone.
âLastly, Iâd like tuh answer a question that has been asked aâ me the last few months. Sevâral times aâ day, in some cases. âHow would High Lady Maureen Arcadi react tuh a Fathish monarchy?â The truth isâŚthe truth is I dunno how sheâd feel. We can neâer truly know. The best we can do is take an educated guess. There would surely be a storm aâ swears anâ insults if she were given the news. Not one fer subtlety, that Maureen.â
A few chuckles from the crowd, but nothing more. I half-expected some kind of angry noise from Queen Letitia.
âHoweâer, I believe sheâd âprove. Begrudginâly, aâ course. Fathach has come fartherâan she probâly coulda imagined. She faked her death, destroyedâer beloved ship, all fer the sake uvâer crew. They were guaranteed safety here while a nation was built. They fought tuh protect it. They fought tuh preserve it. Anâ their descendants fought for its independence. Fathach has been a recognized, independent nation fer oâer a hundred years now. Fathach is safe. Fathach is whole. Maureen would be proud uvâour progress.â
Deep breath, Colm. Youâre almost done.
âMaureen knew the importance aâ teamwork, aâ sacrifice. The Golden Horizon was burned anâ sunk tuh giveâer crew a chance. Fathach âdopted a monarchy tuh prove itself tuh the Alliance aâ Nations. Fer the good uvâer crew, fer the good aâ the nation, we made difficult decisions. This, Maureen would empathize with, at the very least.â
Time for the big finish.
âIf there is anythinâ I believe Maureen would disâprove aâ, without hesitation, is how we treat each other. Fathach was founded tuh give the Golden Horizon crew a new life. A second chance. A second chance fer eâeryone. From allwalks aâ life.â
Keep going.
âMaureenâs crew came from all oâer. From Boudan, Birrimania, Visdia, JĂśtursk, and Reusia. There were Master Magicians âlongside Gan-BhrĂ. Vigiliants, monotheists, and atheists. Clerics anâ thieves. Sailors turned pirate fer profit. Farmers turned sailor fer adventure. Runâways anâ merchants. Fathach is diverse tuhday thanks tuh this crew. We doâem a disservice by alienatinâ their descendants or those whoâŚwho ârive unexpectedly, or those who ârive with a purpose. Fathach has been on its own fer tuh long. We need tuh open our minds, anâ our hearts, tuh those we see as different from us. I was recently reminded uvâa passage from the Vigilant Tome: âif we canna help the least uvâus, we doona deserve the best the Heavens have tuh offerâ. Itâs as true now as itâs eâer been.â
This was it. Youâre nearly there.
âEâeryone in Fathach has a right tuh live their lives tuh the fullest. Tuh the best aâ their âbility. Tuh feel like a part aâ the community, a part aâ the nation. Whether they are a born citizen, or naturalized, or on their way tuh becominâ one. They should have the same opportunities tuh succeedâŚno matter their race. No matter their creed. No matter their magical skill. No matter their station. No matter their religion.â
Gods help you, say it.
âAnââŚno matter their size.â
The gasps rose in an instant. Like I suspected they would. A small pebble could cause big waves, after all. And after a boulder like that, what else would I have expected? My heart pounded as the crowd grew louder. My stomach twisted in knots.
I needed to press on. Above the murmurs and whispers.
âMay the Gods bless anâ keep us all.â
The light died. I was off the air. But I wasnât out of the spotlight. I tried to focus on breathing, to ignore the sounds around me.
Then it happened, from the corner of my eye. A small movement of gold from somewhere nearby. I turned, expecting a ribbon or balloon or some random object.
Instead, there she was.
Bridget.
She was the first to stand, the first to clap.
Kirby followed close behind.
As did the Human Guards.
And Annie. Caledonia. My family, friends, and eventually the rest of the crowded hall.
It was mostly polite applause. I knew it.
I bowed anyway.
And calmly walked out the nearest door.
Only to sprint towards the closest toilet.
Iâd barely made it in time. My stomach was completely empty soon enough. Reflex made me keep trying anyway. I was sweating and tired before the end. I almost didnât hear the knock on the door.
âIâŚIâmâŚâ I tried to shout, only to start dry heaving again. The door opened and shut quickly behind me. I nearly jumped when a hand started rubbing my back. âWho-?!â
âJust me.â Annie said soothingly. âFeeling better?â
âHowâd yeâŚ?â
âBecause you did the same thing after your inaugural speech. And your first Yggsmas Day speech. AndâŚand aftertheir eulogiesâŚâ
I nodded. I knew who âtheyâ were. Mum and Dad. Theyâd all been stressful events. At some point, Iâd gotten used to them. But sometimesâŚsometimes I had to lose it.
âAye. Neâer couldâŚcould handle the big stuff at timesâŚâ I eventually said. A seat on the floor was good enough for me. Annie joined me after carefully shifting her skirts. ââŚI just put a target on me back, dinna I?â
Annie didnât say anything. She simply leaned in closer, her head on my shoulder. I held her hand as I returned the nuzzle.
âI just wanna try anâ do the right thing. Make up fer me mistakes. Maybe Iâll be lucky anâ theyâll just vote me outta officeâŚthroneâŚwhicheâer. I honestly woodne mind if that was the case. Pretty sure I can find a job somewhere. Heh. Doona sâpose the Inn is hirinâ, is it?â
I was hoping for a chuckle. From either of us. My timing was more terrible than I thought.
âBut ânuff âbout me. Dinna ye have somethinâ ye wanted tuh talk âbout?â
âNot sure if this is the right time, ColmâŚâ Annie said, snuggling tighter.
âItâs private. Itâs later. Anâ Iâm pretty sure we woona be disturbed just yet.â I reassured her. âBut we can just sit here ifân ye want.â
It really was oddly comforting. The solitude of the bathroom was heavenly compared to the hustle and bustle the day already provided. And was sure to provide afterwards.
I could have sat there for hours with Annie. Or at least until one of us needed the toilet again. Or Cassidy came looking for me. Or an assassin looking for an easy-!â
ââŚAudrey wants to take over the Inn.â
âWhat? Why?â
âBecause she thinks my heartâs not in it anymore.â
âI doonaâŚyeâve been wantinâ tuh run the Inn fer as long as Iâve known ye. Ye were so damn happy the day yer parents signed eâerythinâ oâer. Why does she think yeâd give it up?â
One look spoke a thousand words.
ââŚOh.â
âWhenâŚwhen you announced the monarchy shift, and after your comaâŚI started wondering aboutâŚabout so manystupid things. Would we see even less of each other? How long between date nights? Weeks? Months? Would I get even more hate mail from jealous strangers? Would I have time to sneak out to a bloody castle? Was there going to be less business now or more? Would thisâŚwas thisâŚwas this worth it anymore?â
âAnnie, that isne stupid tuh think âbout anâ ye know it.â
âStill feels like it. AndâŚand I wasnât sure what I wanted anymore. Not untilâŚthe explosion. The roof. On the Innâsroof. I justâŚI need a break. To get away.â
So many thoughts. So many things I wanted to tell her. To plead with her. To argue. ToâŚtoâŚ
âIâŚI only eâer wanna see ye happy, Annie.â I said slowly. It broke my heart to say it. But this wasnât about me. This was for her. âIf anyone deserves it, ye do.â
âOh ColmâŚI am happy. I love working. I love the Inn. Hells, thereâs time now to get back to my photography. Maybe.â
There was a quiet moment as Annie squeezed me tighter. I did the same. It might be the last time. I wanted to savor it.
âColm, Iâve a favor to ask.â she whispered.
âHmm?â
Annie reached up and held my face. Her hands were soft and warm. Gentle. I leaned into them. Iâd steal the sun for her if she asked.
âWill you marry me?â
ââŚwhat?â
âI still love my job, Colm. Always will. But I love you too.â Annie explained. âAnd Iâm tired of being apart. Tired more of being the third or fourth in line to know when somethingâs happened to you. Good or bad.â
âEr, well, thatâs kinda me fault at timesâŚâ
âYes. Yes it is. But maybe a wife will make you think twice about that.â
Something warm was welling up within me. I wanted to scream my answer, to run through the halls shouting the good news. I was ready to answer. Being with Annie would make me the happiest Iâd ever been.
Until it hit me all at once.
You donât deserve to be happy.
Said it yourself.
This isnât real.
It canât be.
Not if she knows the truth.
âW-wait. Annie thereâsâŚthereâs somethinâ âbout me I need tuh tell yeâŚâ
There was a part of me that wanted her to run. To leave and never come back so Iâd never have to explain. Not to her, not to anyone. Not to me.
I didnât want the problem made real, made permanent by saying it aloud.
But Annie deserved to know what she was getting in to.
âI doonaâŚI havneâŚI havne beenâŚbeen right. In meâŚin me head. Me heart. I dunno how tuhâŚtuh âsplain it properly.â I said, shaking and stuttering all the while. âSomeâŚsome days, Iâll beâŚfine. Eâen happy. Itâll feel likeâŚlike Iâm swimminâ in clear water. But thenâŚsomethinââll happen anââŚanââŚanâ suddenly Iâm treadinâ water or swimminâ through sandâŚall these terrible thoughts come in. TheyâŚthey remind me Iâm notâŚnotâŚthat Iâm a monster. That I doonaâŚthatâŚanâ some days itâs like Iâm barely keepinâ me head âbove the water. Like Iâm fightinâ âgainst mudâŚI doona wanna leave the house. Or me room. Or eâen me own bed. Anâ those timesâŚthose are the times when I dunno if itâs worth tryinâ tuh keep meself from drowninââŚif lettinâ meself sink woodne be betterâŚâ
Deep breaths were needed to stop dry heaving again. To stop the tears from coming. To keep going.
âIt hasne been tuh bad the last few months, but eâery time I say thatâŚitâŚit has a way aâ justâŚjustâŚI love ye Annie, I do. I truly, truly do. ButâŚbut I doona want ye tuh be stuck withâŚwith whateâer this is goinâ on inside aâ me. YeâŚye doona need that burdenâŚâ
No one would have blamed Annie for leaving.
Not after all that.
Gods Above, why did I tell her?
She didnât need to know how broken I was.
âYou donât deserve that burden either.â Annie said quietly.
It was enough to make me cry.
âI want to be there, Colm Arcadi. For your good days and your bad days. Youâd be there for me. You have been there. Let me be there for you.â
âThis isne yer mess tuh fixâŚdoona think ye have tuh.â
âI love you, Colm. I want to help any way I can.â
âI love ye tuh, Annie.â
I leaned in for a kiss. She pulled away.
âOh, Colm, no. Not with sick on your breath.â
We both laughed. We needed it. It felt great. Refreshing. I felt light as a feather as the doubts receded. If only for the moment.
knock knock knock
âColm, you alright?â Cassidy asked from the other side of the door. âEveryoneâs, er, waiting.â
ââŚAre you alright?â Annie asked as we fixed our clothes.
âAye, believe so.â I replied after an intense gargle. âCanna get any worse than admittinâ alla that.â
âYou ready to greet your loyal subjects, My King?â
I looked into her eyes. Her beautiful, hopeful, confident eyes.
And saw myself reflected in them.
Maybe that would be enough.
Enough strength to face the future.
Enough to be by her side.
âAs ready as Iâll eâer be, Me Queen.â