"Abusers aren't owed shit"
Yeah...l agree...but with regards to Tamlin, his abuse, majorly exists because A- sjm is a lazy writer B- his fear of losing Feyre C- his PTSD.
I feel like people just love to throw terms like 'abuse' and 'abuse apologists' and 'abusers and their followers' over the internet without realising the actual meaning of it.
Tamlin did abuse feyre. There is no denying that. But him not holding back her hair while she throws up is not abuse. Him not wanting to talk about the horrors the both faced utm is not abuse. Him saying that feyre won't be called high lady when she said she didn't want to called that in not abuse. Him ignoring the letter his illiterate fiancee wrote, saying she was now leaving him cause she is in love with the guy who SA her for three months is not abuse. Him trying everything in his power to get her back from where he thinks she is being tortured is NOT abuse.
But him restricting her from training? Him making decisions about her body and powers? Him restricting her from going out of the manor? (Which btw he does allow her later, with enough protection, which is understandable. Like any member of the royal family of a court/ country requires constant protection. Especially if there are monsters who want them dead. This point is just dumb tbh.) Him locking her in manor? YES THAT IS ABUSE.
Like no one has a problem with you bringing up his actual faults and abuse but just howling and weeping about the smallest of things which are pretty reasonable, just shows how much sjm's ass hair cloud your judgement and critical thinking.
But even with Tamlin's abuse, it isn't born out of the need to gain power over her or to own her. It's born out of fear. Fear of losing someone he loves AGAIN. Fear of losing Feyre AGAIN. He lets his fear of losing her overpower his love for her. He is a protecter by nature. He is from an abusive family. With his father being worse than some one who killed his son's lover and made him watch. No one protected him from all that at a young age. And now he feels the need to do so for others. (Kinda why I think he loved feyre. She fought for him when no one in his childhood ever did.) It's mentioned multiple times how he feels like it's his responsibility to protect his people. And he has been helpless to do so for 50 years. Forced to sit and watch as his people are tortured in concentration camps. Then when he finds a way to free them, finds someone he loves, he is again forced to watch her be SA and tortured and die in front of him while he can do absolutely nothing. Add that to having your whole family massacred while you sleep under the same roof. Boom! You have got a person ruled by the fear losing someone he loves again.
But you know when your "Tamlin is a pathetic abuser who doesn't deserve shit" really falls apart? It's those first chps of acowar. When Feyre is trying her best to an insufferable girls boss and Tamlin is trying his best to make amends. To be better. For Feyre. He is trying to change for his love for Feyre. While in the second book he let his fear win over his love, in acowar, he putting that love over his fear and paranoia. Don't believe me? Quotes from the actual book:
But Tamlin said, “We’ll all try.” That was his new favorite word: try.
“Lucien and I can escort you,” I offered. Tamlin whipped his head to me. I waited for the refusal, the shutdown. But it seemed the High Lord had indeed learned his lesson, was indeed willing to try, as he merely gestured to Lucien. “My emissary knows the wall as well as any sentry.”
“I should apologize.” His eyes flashed. “What for? Perhaps it was a blessing. Magic still surprises me. If she’s angry, it’s her problem.”
But I said to Tamlin, soothing and gentle, “I’ll be fine out there.” I touched his hand, brushing my thumb over the back of his palm. Held his stare. “Let’s not start down this road again.” As I pulled away, Tamlin merely fixed Lucien with a look, any trace of that guilt gone. His claws slid free, embedding in the scar-flecked wood of his chair’s arm. “Be careful.”
He no longer restricts feyre from going out. From having any authority in the house. She sits in on all the meetings with Hybern. She takes them to survey the wall TWICE. Even when she escapes with Lucien, Tamlin isn't there. He trusts her. And he is being a better partner. And after all this. After seeing how much Tamlin has changed. How much he is willing to try for her, for them. Feyre, being her cold-hearted, self- centered self, riles him up, insults him, his intentions for his people and manipulates him and his people into thinking he is purposely hurting her. Which is just untrue.
When he finally realises the snake Feyre is, and the fact that she really is happy with Rhysand. That she is safe. He lets her go.
Hell, not only that, he fcking saves her life in hybern's camp at the risk of his. He gathers a whole ass army even after feyre destroyed his court, brought Autumn forces to the war, that really changed the tide. And lastly. The thing that was his redemption: Gifting Feyre an eternity with her mate by bringing back the same guy who killed his family and tortured and SA his lover to irk him, just so she could be happy. Like that's it. That was his fcking redemption. He realised his mistakes and he fcking did make amends in start of book 3. That's parts done and over. And the part where he has to do some selfless thing for feysand? Like Nesta had to do? That's done too!! So leave him the fck alone! Tamlin is already "redeemed".
