#feymel

Melada stepped into her bedroom, leaving the door ajar so Belle and Truffles could follow in after her. She quickly put her gear away and stripped out of her day clothes so she could put on a warm pair of checkerboard pajamas she’d gotten specifically to combat the Northrend cold she’d been experiencing since she’d moved into Feythril’s. The engineer then plopped into her bed and sighed, reaching out on her nightstand for her bloodthistle cigarettes and a lighter.

The calico cat, Belle, hopped up on the bed and wasted no time stepping atop Melada as she lit her cigarette. The engineer reached a hand out to scratch Belle behind her ears while Truffles, the tabby, hopped up on the bed beside Melada’s feet and laid down, making herself comfortable. 

Melada took a long drag from her cigarette, closing her eyes as she held the smoke in for several moments before exhaling a large cloud into the air above her head. She watched it float in the air for a moment, particularly mesmerized by the way it caught the light of the aurora that was shining in through the window. However, her fascination didn’t last long and she let out a sigh as she began replaying the events from earlier tonight in her head.

Melada met with Feythril by the fountain in the Court of the Sun. Lantis got mentioned; apparently the alchemist had been hoping she’d see him upon visiting Gallaria’s home. She was close to tears and Melada encouraged her to just let it out. They left Silvermoon, though Melada saw an emotion that she’d never seen from Feythril before.

The alchemist’s anger really had the engineer concerned and disturbed. She wasn’t entirely sure how to deal with it but she knew she had to do something when Feythril didn’t even follow her own number one rule and take her shoes off at the door. So, Melada collected her cats and a jar of peanut butter (with spoons, of course!) before following the trail of opened doors and dropped books (another red flag! How could Feythril throw her beloved books off their shelves?) that lead to her friend. She hugged the other woman and forced her to sit down; the trio of cats came over to investigate. The peanut butter was opened up and Melada had some for herself while also feeding Belle. Feythril chose not to indulge herself but she did feed the white cat, Meeko, who had put his paws up on her thigh and mewed at her.

The two women chatted and Feythril’s tears stopped. Apparently it’d been four months to the day since Lantis left. Melada knew everything that Feythril was saying, for she’d been there herself after Lannallia left her over two years ago. And Feythril could understand when Melada spoke from experience, though it was understandable that it didn’t change the way she felt but at least she acknowledged that the light at the end of the tunnel existed.

Feythril eventually wished to call it a night and so they did. They walked from the library tower to the manor proper. They passed Feythril’s room first and Melada suggested she take Meeko in for herself to see if he stuck around, which she did. And moments later, Melada was in her room, smoking a cigarette in her bed.

You need to be honest with yourself.

The engineer took another long drag from her cigarette and let the smoke out in a heavy sigh. She was starting to feel some type of way for the other woman who was only a few rooms away from her. She doubted Feythril was sleeping, though she certainly hoped that the alchemist wasn’t crying and that Meeko was staying. They’d just had a talk about this feeling Melada was having after a near kiss the other night. Perhaps Feythril was feeling it, too, though they both knew it wasn’t the right time.

Melada hadn’t introduced herself to Feythril with any romantic intentions in mind when they’d first met. She knew that considering how close she’d gotten to the alchemist in such a short amount of time, she’d be taking advantage of the emotionally compromised woman if she took the lead or pushed on anything she was feeling. Then there was the fact that Lantis existed. He’d been one of Melada’s best friends and he was the one who’d stolen the key to Feythril’s heart and left her broken. Feythril owed him nothing anymore after giving him everything, Melada knew the full story Lantis had never told her and could safely say that without any bias because of her own feelings. But did Melada still owe Lantis anything? He’d been there for her in the past, just as she’d been there for him, but he clearly wanted nothing to do with anyone anymore.

However, what really got to Melada was how familiar all of this felt. Once again, she had a new friend she’d gotten very close to within a short amount of time. And once again, that friend had strong feelings for someone else. At the very least, it’s not like Feythril didn’t feel anything for Melada but what did those feelings matter if they were never acted upon? Melada knew that if Lantis came back around tomorrow and wanted to fix things, Feythril would in a heartbeat. Melada knew this because she’d felt the same way about Lannallia.

What if Melada ran into Lantis and had a chance to talk with him? Was she obligated to tell him he was wrong now that she knew the full story? Was she still supposed to tell him to go back to Feythril like she said she would before she felt anything for the alchemist? Was that even healthy for either of the former lovers at this point?

If Lantis was out of the picture for good, how much time would it take? It took Melada over two years to move on, she wouldn’t be surprised if it took Feythril just as long if not longer. Could she wait that long? What if someone else came along that Feythril felt stronger feelings towards? Someone who wasn’t afraid to make a move like Melada was, someone who could help her more..

The engineer brought her hand up from Belle and took a handful of her hair, gripping it tightly as she tugged and smoked. She could play the what-if’s game all night but that would get her nowhere. 

The facts, Melada. Go over the facts.

She felt something for Feythril. Feythril probably felt something for her. But it wasn’t the right time. The healing process for a broken heart was baby step by baby step, one day at a time. She said she’d be here, what kind of terrible person would she be if she left or acted on her feelings because she couldn’t take it? And she knew that she really just wanted a friend because she’d be totally alone if not for Feythril right now. 

Could she wait? Was it sick and wrong to think of this as a waiting game? Did she want to keep her feelings suppressed for that long? 

The engineer let go of her hair and took one final puff from her cigarette before dropping it in her ashtray. She placed a hand back on Belle, petting the cat as she frowned. She stared out of the window at the aurora and sighed.

One day at a time, same as her. Because this is getting me nowhere.