#femkeith

@monthlyklance

Kate, Keith and the Sideral Opal.

Shiro’s laugh rings through the halls, and it sounds like music.

Keith grips the strap of her bag, walks a little faster. Keeping her head down, she peeks around for a black and white shock of hair. It’s crowded, though, and she can’t find him. His laughter is getting fainter. Frustrated, she steps to the side, raises herself up on her toes. As if it’ll help, she cups her hand over her eyes.

She just wants to see him — but if she’s honest, it’s more than that. She needs to see him, to memorize the curve of his eyes and the way his hair hangs in his face. The angle at which his fingers flick it away, but it always comes back. The cut of his jawbone and the marks where he used to have his ears pierced.

Before he goes, and takes her heart with him, she wants to collect all these pieces of Shiro. The way he laughs, the way he smiles -- all of it makes warmth blossom in her chest.

And then she sees him: he’s at the end of the hallway, talking with Matt, and the long, clean line of his neck is poetry in motion. He used to cover his mouth when he laughed, before the accident. Now, he keeps his arms folded across his chest, keeps black and silver metal out of sight.

To be able to hold that hand, Keith thinks, would be the greatest gift the universe could ever give her. She sucks in a breath, and walks over.

“Hi, Shiro,” she says.

“Keith!” He exclaims. He looks unfairly happy to see her. He reaches out, wraps an arm around her. They hug a little awkwardly, side to side with their mismatched heights, but instead of letting go, he keeps her there, stares down at her with a soft smile.

“Haven’t seen you in a while,” he says.

But I’ve seen you, she thinks. She hadn’t been able to hold it in, at first: her best friend was about to graduate, and she was going to be alone again. When had Shiro become her everything? How had she let it happen, when she knew he was meant for the stars and not for her?

She could follow him, but would he want her to? Their love of flying was what had brought them together, but how long could it last? How many miles could their bond stretch?

It had taken a week or so to calm herself. She had skirted around talking with Shiro, but she hadn’t been able to stop herself from stealing glimpses of him. She’s ready now: she can be a calm pillar of strength, can smile and encourage without feeling like she needs to cry. No matter what, she’s Shiro’s friend first, and she’s going to support him with all she has.

So she smiles back up at him, and speaks steadily.

“Sorry,” she says. “Let’s walk to the station, if you’re leaving now?”

They used to do that a lot, in Keith’s first year. Shiro had always worried about her getting lost, getting into fights. Over time, though, their schedules ended up getting in the way: Keith joined the art club and Shiro became president of the student council. Walks together became a little rarer, but they meet when they can, and Keith cherishes every moment of it.

“Yeah,” Shiro says, gives her shoulder a slight squeeze. “Matt, I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah? Keith and I are heading home.”

Keith can’t help but glow as they walk out; Shiro’s arm is still around her shoulder, fingers drumming against her collarbone. She could reach up, touch his hand.

“Do you mind if we get food?” Shiro’s voice is right next to her — Keith turns, nearly gapes at how close his face is. She takes in his eyelashes, touches the dark circles under his eyes before she realizes what she’s doing. She hasn’t seen those before.

His skin is soft; her fingers skate to his cheek. It’s a moment locked in time, almost, but then Shiro laughs, startling her.  

Biting her lip, she prepares to apologize, but Shiro puts his free hand over hers. She’s enveloped in Shiro Shiro Shiro, and she can’t do anything but freeze. It feels like he’s drawn her closer, one arm around her and one hand on hers, and maybe, just maybe — he feels the same…?

And then he’s drawing back, the moment is ending — his lips are moving, saying I haven’t been sleeping much. Keith scrambles to keep up, nodding with frantic sympathy. His arm isn’t around her shoulder anymore, and maybe it’s psychological, but her head feels a lot clearer. Decisive, she drops her hand to smooth the pleats of her skirt. Straightens her back and clears her throat.

“We’ll get coffee too,” she says. “What’s going on, Shiro?”

“It’s everything, you know?” Shiro sighs. “That really doesn’t answer your question. But it feels like it's everything. Like every moment of my life is too much now.”

Guiltily, he confides, “I’ve been really snappy with my mom, lately. It’s not her fault but she keeps talking about university. It sets something off. It’s like I’m one super wound up spring or something.”

“What’s stressing you out?” Keith asks. “About university, I mean.”

Shiro bites his lip. “Don’t laugh.”

“When have I ever?”

“A couple times,” Shiro says, but he smiles. “I’m nervous I won’t be good enough. That I’ve just gotten lucky till now. I spent so long wanting to get out, but now that it’s here, it feels like a lot.”

“Change is scary,” Keith says softly. “But you’re going to be great. I know you are. Remember what you told me? That being brave isn’t about being fearless, it’s about going forward even when you’re terrified. You could find something beautiful.”

I know I did, she thinks ruefully. When I came here, and met you.

“Thanks, Keith.” Shiro sounds genuinely relieved. “You always know what to say, huh?”

She shrugs. “Not always. I’m not as strong as you are.”

If I was, I would tell you that I love you. That I’ll catch up to you, so watch me. I’d follow that advice and give you a bouquet of roses and the letters I wrote you but never sent.

“You are.” Shiro’s laugh is a little disbelieving. “Keith, you’re the best person I know.”

“Look in the mirror,” she chides.

But he’s looking at Keith. “You are, really. You’re the one I’m going to miss the most, you know.”

“I am?”

“You are.” Shiro reaches out, hesitantly, and takes both of her hands in his. Silently, Keith thanks the universe. “I’m going to miss walking with you like this. Seeing your paintings, our late-night talks.”

“I’m going to miss you too,” Keith whispers. She was supposed to stay calm, but she feels it more than ever: it’s going to kill her when he’s away.

“It’s not the end of the world,” Shiro squeezes her hands between his. “I’ll visit. We’ll stay in touch. We’re not gonna be strangers.”

There it is -- what she’s the most afraid of. Her expression must change, because Shiro’s crouching down, frowning. He’s still holding her hands, and he tugs her closer.

“Hey,” he says softly. “You’re my best friend, Keith. Nothing will change that, no matter where I go.”

“How do you know?” She hates that she says it, but she can’t stop herself.

There’s a twist to Shiro’s mouth as he says, “You never forget your first love, Keith.”

“Your first love?” she repeats. Her voice begins to waver. “Shiro?”

“Keith,” Shiro says. “I love you. I didn’t want to tell you like this, a month before I left -- I thought I would be okay just loving you from afar. And I am --  but I just want you to know, even if you don’t feel the same, that you are absolutely unforgettable.”

He lets go of her hands, steps back. Gives a small, shy dip of his head. “Thank you for, um, hearing me out. Sorry.”

Keith takes one step forward, then another, until she’s right back in his arms. He catches her weight, lips parting in surprise, and she finds her bravery there.

“I want to be your first and only.” Keith says, voice cracking. “I love you, Shiro, I love you too.”

“You do?” He whispers, and it sounds so hopeful that her heart almost breaks. It has to be a dream, but it’s not.

It’s real. Shiro loves her.

Shiro loves her.

Tears begin to drip down her cheeks; she swipes them away hurriedly. “I’m happy, I’m happy,” she assures Shiro. “I’ve -- always loved you. I just didn’t know if I should say it.”

“That makes two of us, huh?” Shiro says, wiping at his own eyes. “I love you, Keith. I love you.”

“Are you making up for lost time?”

“I am,” Shiro says, “and we have all the time in the world left.”