#feministbaking

Here’s an actual reason to smile, but only if you like cupcakes. This was my first vegan bake and I have to say it was so much easier than I expected. So, get ready to be kind to animals with this recipe.

(Quick aside: huskies are big, active dogs, not direwolves. Please don’t get ‘surprised’ when they are too big and send them to a pound. Adopt a shelter doggo instead!)

RESEARCH

First the condensed (soy) milk reason of my research concerning vegan substitutions:

1/4 cup of unsweetened applesauce = one egg

all-vegetable shortening = butter or margarine

soy milk = bean juice

BE SURE TO CHECK FOR GELATIN IN TOPPINGS. This includes sprinkles. You can also use egg replacers (which apparently a thing) instead of applesauce. Important tip-- if you add more than one cup of applesauce, the texture is likely to be off. The color will be darker from the caramelized sugar on the top as well. I made two batches. The first was heavier on the applesauce and lighter on the baking soda. This resulted in an apple cake flavor. The second round was more akin to a vanilla cake. I started with a yellow cake recipe and some confidence.

okay so some of you are like --ugh-- i like animal in my baked goods and you can’t make me be sensitive blahblahblah. *inhale* you trigger-warning-hating, Ebaum’s World disciple, devourers of cows can click here for the original yellow cake recipe:

https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/8051/four-egg-yellow-cake/

the rest of us are looking out for allergies, dietary restrictions, and generally enjoying branching out below. *exhale*

THE ACTUAL RECIPE

1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce (3/4 cup for apple cake taste)

1/2 cup all-vegetable shortening

1 cup white sugar (I like the texture of organic better, but you do you)

1 1/3 cup of all-purpose flour

1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda

1 1/3 cup soy milk

1.2 teaspoon salt (sea salt is my preference)

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Beat the shortening and sugar together in a large mixing bowl. Add the applesauce and then the vanilla. In a separate bowl, whisk or sift together the flour, baking soda, and salt together. (Why, yes! That is an Oxford comma; thank you for noticing.)  Combine the dry mix to the creamed mix, alternating the dry with soy milk. This ensures a consistent texture and rise. You may need to add a little more four if the mixture is too runny. Add in tablespoons as needed. The batter will only be a bit more slack than conventional batter. About as slack-jawed as a white man about to say, “Well, actually.”)

Fill a greased muffin tin to the top of the cupcake liners. You don’t have to use liners if you grease the pan sufficiently. However, liner will help you transport the cupcakes in one piece.

Bake for approximately 20-21 mins or until the toothpick test comes back clean.

Allow to cool at least one hour out of the tin, preferably on a wire rack. Then you can ice them. You can make icing with shortening and powdered sugar if you have got time for that. I just bought some store-brand after checking the ingredients.

Whether you want to eat animal products is a personal choice for some and a means of survival for others. It is not our place to judge the vegan path, just as the vegans in my life try not to be ideologues. No matter your baking style, I hope we can all agree to BURN THE PATRIARCHY AND NOT THE CUPCAKES.

Garlic butter, pull apart loaf, savory herby bread... OH MYYYYYYY

Ladies and all you other people, have I got a diet wrecker for you! Let’s put on our body positivity and get ready to eat all the bread.

This recipe is a commitment to dishes, time, and calories.  We are talking Pringles level of consuming! Get ready to push yourself.

DOUGH INGREDIENTS:

1 package of active dry yeast (Fleischmann’s)

1 egg

2 tablespoons butter, softened

1/2 cup water (1/4 will be used for the yeast)

1/2 cup milk

1 teaspoon sea salt

1 tablespoon organic sugar

2 1/2 cups bread flour (King Arthur’s)

BUTTERY GOODNESS INGREDIENTS:

1/4 cup butter, melted

1 teaspoon minced garlic

1 teaspoon smoked paprika

1/2 teaspoon rubbed sage

1/2 teaspoon tarragon

1/2 teaspoon garlic powder

1/4 cup shredded Parmesan cheese

LET’S TALK ABOUT YEAST!

It’s reeeeallly easy to f*ck this part up; so pay attention.  In a warm bowl, combine one packet of active dry yeast (0.25 ounce size) with 1/4 cup of warm water with one teaspoon of sugar per the instructions on the packet. The water needs to be NO WARMER THAN EIGHTY DEGREES FAHRENHEIT.

Here’s some visuals as to why you want to get this right:

When I did it this my way--

I followed the original recipe (written for a bread machine. I’m not fancy enough for that noise.) the second time and this happened--

#accidentalflatbread  It was still tasty though! So, take comfort in the fact you have three packets of yeast and multiple cups of bread flour in the bag. 

INSTRUCTIONS:

Once the yeast is fluffy, take a plastic spatula (blade, not pancake flipper!) and dump the yeast into a large bowl that contains the egg, milk, and remaining water.  Next you are going to sift the flour, salt, and sugar over the top.  (You can whisk all the dry ingredients together in another bowl if you don’t have a sifter.) Then mix the hell out of it like a working out all your frustrations after some meninist mansplains to you that women make less money because they choose lower paying fields. (Even though we all know that women have been systemically discouraged and socially conditioned to believe they are ill-suited for such fields.)

Go on and grease a glass 5x7 loaf pan or other clear glass dish.  I pre-heated my oven to 350 and set the cling wrap covered glass loaf pan on the corner of the stove, not directly over the heat vent though.  You can use a proving drawer or as an experienced baker suggested recently, your car!  As you watch the dough gradually rise, imagine it’s your courage growing when you ask for a wage worthy of your skills and experience.  Set a timer for thirty minutes, but check fairly regularly.

Once the dough is doubled in size, remove the bread from the heat source.  You will melt the butter and add the garlic to it in a medium-sized bowl.  In yet another bowl, combine the paprika, garlic powder, sage, tarragon, and Parmesan with a whisk.

Coat your hands in some butter to help keep the dough off.  Pull out a chunk of dough and roll it into a ball.  Roll that in the butter and then in the herb mixture.  Place on a large plate.  Keep going until you run out of dough.   Next, place it in a 10″ greased cast iron skillet. 

Bake for about thirty minutes in the oven (350 degrees Fahrenheit).  When you can put a toothpick in the center and it comes out clean, it is done! Remember diets are made up and the calories don’t matter! And as always, burn the patriarchy, not the bread!