#fellingalone

I have come here for a weekend to Toronto across the border to meet my sister. It was an interesting flight. I realized i’d never felt this alone and dreadful in my entire life. I feel like i am still vacillating between extreme highs and the dreaded feeling of rock bottom. I tell this to other people including my parents who just tell me that these are just the normal highs and lows so I should suck it up. I know that they’re trying to help but they won’t understand. 

I’ve realized that you can only understand something once you’ve actually gone through it. If you haven’t experienced something, how can you comment on it on behalf of other people? I know people try to help. But sometimes the only thing they need to do is to acknowledge that this is real and something is happening which is beyond their comprehension. Feeling something and theoretically trying to imagine about it are two different things.

Anyways, I reached after around an hours flight across the border. While studying in the immigration line with my parents, I could see one of my old friends standing at a distance. He seemed real. As real as the person next to me could be. I wanted to to ask someone ‘did you see that?’ but did not. It was a figment of imagination. These figures would, in most part, never say anything but just stand there smiling at me. I think I did a pretty ok job getting through that part.