#feliciraptor

Toddlers understand only one time frame, now! They have little concept of the future until they are much older so if it is not happening right here right now then it may as well not be a thing.

As I try not to have my schedule completely dictated to by children this can course numerous ructions. The promise of doing something later in exchange for doing something else now falls on deaf ears.

Ther…

Children’s humor

I’ve been told on numerous occasions I’m a ‘comedian’, and mostly in the negative sense. The kind where finger quotes are needed and no suggestion that I am this generation’s Aziz Ansari.

I do have one receptive audience who are pretty easy please, and will listen and laugh with very little heckling. For a two year old most things are funny; and at four months anything that involves a silly face…

Being a parent means giving up on life's luxuries for the promise that children will be worth their weight in gold #needbiggerkids

Having two small children I am apparently allowed to bemoan my lot in life, woe is me for I have forsoke a life of pleasure and fun to propagate the species. While I don’t subscribe to this dystopian view of fatherhood there are a few things I do miss.

Like being able to blog without distraction

I’m sure I’m not alone as there are plenty of great works of literature that cover the travails of…

Children’s artwork

Dirty nappies, bottles to wash, uncertain stains to clean. As a parent I get plenty of these on a regular basis and I look forward to the day they stop. There is also one other item that I have conflicting feelings over, another piece of child paraphanelia that I have a copious amount of.

Child artwork.

I have scriblings and paintings aplenty, pasta and food pictures galore. You want glued boxes…

Was a message from the heart

Toddlers are both disgusting and awesome, and so are dads. So when you mix dads and toddlers you increase the awesome as well as increasing the digust. It is a potent and dangerous cocktail, and one that I am abusing to the max.

While A-Rex lies there constantly sharting, Feliciraptor is learning all the skills needed for a starring role in an Adam Sandler movie. Much to the chagrin of Mommy-G…

The Feliciraptor is a punk. We tell her she is a punk and she just throws a cute face back at me.

It never is anyone

She has started to reach the age where any trouble or mischief is consciously driven, if she misbehaves she is doing it on purpose. This now means we are having to become strict with her.

The key learning I took from my childhood is if you are going to make a threat it has to be…

My and my shadow

One of the joys of life is cooking, and I am lucky that I can do this most nights. We have delivered a box full of ingredients and from this we get to make dishes that vary from carbonara to mu shu pork. It used to be that I would get home, turn on the gas, and have dinner ready for Mrs G when she got home.

Now I pick up Feliciraptor from nursery, and A-Rex is at home with his mother, I have the…

In which I tell a child not to run with scissors but with matches instead.

There is no such thing as a safe house when it comes to children. No matter how man preventative measures you have taken they can still find a hundred ways to imperil themselves.

It is an evolutionary arms race, the more padding and locks you add the more ways to climb or pull you have introduced into thhouse. That safety guard around the fire, that’s a climbing frame of fire now. And if you…