"Denial-Of-Feelings" Feitan Headcanons

-sfw, can be read as any gender.

Feitan Portor is intelligent, strong, fast, and cunning. But he is so emotionally stunted from growing up on the streets of Meteor City, he will bend over backwards to rationalize away his own feelings of attachment towards people. But there will be signs of his growing interest.

Feitan has a staring problem. He will just show up in doorways, watching you (more like lurking, really). He feels off around you, he cant decide if its a good feeling or bad feeling, but he has decided that he should keep an eye on you, just in case.

Feitan likes to read. A lot. So if he sees you reading a book (especially if he sees you read the same book repeatedly) it peaks his interest. He may even put it in his pocket if he sees it at a store (just slips it in his pocket, of course. He's not paying for it). Of course he'll never admit he's reading it because you read it last week. "Just coincidence."

He's okay at first aid, we know Machi is excellent at it. But if he can make you treat his wounds, he will. "Machi is busy." "You are closer." "Just fix it." The excuses are endless.

Feitan can be a bit possessive, so he'll be suspicious of anyone who is partnered alone with you if you are a spider (that's especially true for Hisoka). He hasn't figured out why seeing Hisoka teasingly lean his arm around your shoulders makes him feel gross and angry, but it does. And if a non-spider shows interest in you, they disappear quietly and quickly.

And if you laugh or smile in his direction, hes out of the room. Externally it might look like a cold shoulder and a scoff, but closer inspection would expose him pulling his cowl up to cover very pink cheeks.

"The New, Friendly Spider leg"

-tw: violence.

@theemamushii requested a shorter troupe member whose nen compliments Feitan (so they are often paired for missions), but their personalities are opposites and love blooms over time. Since there wasnt a gender specified, I decided to keep Y/N gender-neutral.

When Y/N is first introduced to the Spider as the new leg Feitan looks on in disinterest. He trusts Chrollo's judgement completely, but members have come and gone before. Some he had even grown up with. He won't let himself become attached and he will hold back any (positive) opinions until he sees them in battle.

He does feel secretly pleased that Y/N is an adult who is shorter then him (Kalluto was shorter, but also only 10 to12 years old and Kortopi was...well...Kortopi). Luckily Y/N and Feitan are both fast and their statures make them easilier to miss when sneaking around, all the more an asset in Chrollo's eyes.

When Chrollo gives a particularly difficult task, Y/N sometimes gives a  playful "Yes, Sir!" and a salute, while Feitan rolls his eyes and wonders why Chrollo lets Y/N get away with their foolishness during mission planning (Chrollo and Phinks find it a little entertaining how Y/N annoys Feitan around the base).

And of course Chrollo, knowing Y/N's nen ability and enjoying "poking the bear" in equal measures, likes to pair Y/N and Feitan for assignments OFTEN. At first, this is met with exchanges along the lines of Feitan's blank stare and Y/N's finger circle and a sarcastic "wooh, let's party" in response.

The first missions paired together were a headache, in Feitan's opinion. Y/N was good enough with the small blade they kept at their side, but he didnt see why Y/N liked to banter with the enemy, who would be dead soon anyway. "Hey! Yo! Is that pewpew all you got? Or is there anything I should ACTUALLY be afraid of?" Y/N would yell, knowing full well Feitan was sneaking up behind the enemy as the real threat. The distraction worked, but it still irked Feitan that Y/N was so loud about it.

His opinion starts to shift on the field during a tricky heist that goes off plan a few months later. The fight is a long one and he takes a large wound to his leg and feels his pain and rage getting closer to "Pain Packer" levels. Y/N, feeling his nen shifting, runs to his side, touching the wound and activating Y/N's nen ability "Sharing is Caring: refocus energy." The pain in his side disappears (along with his anger). Y/N winces as the sensation travels to their own body before standing up to face the attackers and runs straight into the fray with no sign of their usual fun self. Upon touching any of the other combatants, the pain that Y/N had taken on from Feitan is sent through the attacker's body, paralyzing their legs with the sudden pain long enough to finish them off with Y/N's short blade. Then returning to Feitan and applies basic first aid until Machi can arrive to fix his wound properly. Feitan had seen Y/N use manipulation nen in smaller ways prior, but their efficiency when they stops playing around is quite impressive.

Knowing that Y/N is willing to take on the pain of other troupe members into their smalle

body, no matter how big or small the damage, impresses Feitan.  After that event, he starts to see Y/N differently, noticing the smaller ways they help the Spider. Taking on Pakunoda's headaches, relieving Nobunaga's muscle strains after over-practicing, gently bandaging Kalluto's many small papercuts. And always with a smile or witty remark, though it meant that Y/N was almost constantly in some amount of phantom pain to keep the whole Spider free of it.

Slowly, very slowly, he is less annoyed to constantly be paired with Y/N. The chatter and friendliness with everyone doesnt seem so inane.  And eventually its almost....endearing?

This is how things went for years (cause happy feeling dont grow fast for Feitan) until he finds Y/N tending to their own leg wound after an arduous fight alone one night. Wordlessly he takes up the bloodied clothe and antiseptic bottle. "You were careless. Could have been killed. If I wasnt fast enough..." the end of the sentence hangs in the air until Feitan is done with the patch-up and he gently touches the bandage, remembering that first big fight. The realization strikes Y/N like a train. They smile in their usual sly way and ask "Sooooo, you'd miss me? If I wasnt alive?" In response Feitan clicks his tongue and glares, walking away murmuring something under his breath about "pain in my ass....idiot....cant believe I......" Y/N smiles big. It wasnt a No.

In my story, Y/N's nen ability "Sharing is Caring" works by manipulating feelings and energy. "Refocus energy" with pain works slightly like "pain packer" in that cant take a wound away itself, but they can take the pain and associated emotions into their own body, and unleash it on an enemy. However in "refocus energy" instead of the pain becoming a physical attack, it can basically shock the victim with the sudden pain and anger/fear/etc to give Y/N time to attack.

Thats why Y/N's mood was serious in that big fight, they were holding onto Feitans pain AND anger plus their own. Basically, Y/N was pissed off.

There are other levels to "Sharing is Caring:refocus energy" aside from just pain and fear; excitement, joy, passion, drunkenness, sorrow, etc.

And I think the contract trade off for such a versatile nen ability is that:

1: They need someone who has been hurt badly for the big attacks, Can't amplify the pain, just transfer it. They can stockpile pain from many small pains, but 1 papercut cant be turned into a big attack, but 1000 papercuts might.

2: They have to take the pain in their own body before using it. Y/N has trained their body to a high pain tolerance, but it doesnt mean they dont feel the pain, just that they can still function and fight through it.