#feelspasta

I can’t remember what site it was on but it was from the POV of a espurr/meowstic who saw a picture or a painting of a female meowstic, and tried to paint themselves to match it, but their trainer got really mad at them.

Working on a new MMD Model for Nathan, Just slowly making his hair. Not and easy task! No cap.

Though NGL, short hair Nathan is kind of a vibe. Also working on crystal as well, both in updates and finally a model.

Mrs. Delphine Smithers was an 83-year-old who lived by herself save for her cat. Her husband had passed two years prior, and her children have since grown up and left the nest. But come Christmastime, and Mrs. Smithers gets her joy whenever her grandchildren paid a visit. She thought of the looks on their faces whenever she served them Christmas cookies and other pleasantries. This Christmas, she made some sweet and salty bark and kept it on the kitchen table. She found herself sitting down in her favorite chair knitting a scarf when there came a sharp knock on the door. She jumped a bit, not expecting any visitors at the moment.

"Can we come in?"

Smithers tentatively laid the scarf on the arm of the sofa and gripped the chair. Her frail bones popped and shifted. Getting up from the chair, Smithers collected her walking stick and trudged rigidly towards the front door. Another sharp knock rung out, that time more agitated than previously. "I'm coming, hold on!" Smithers yelled.

She grasped the doorknob and turned it counterclockwise. The door creaked open. On the other end of the door were two children. A boy and a girl. The boy appeared older, presumably around 13. He wore a denim hoodie and grey pants. He was holding the hand of an 8-year-old girl who was wearing a blue dress with white lace. For whatever reason, the children had their heads bowed, looking at their feet. The boy repeated his question.

"Can we come in?"

Smithers scratched her head. It was at 10 PM. Why would these children be at her house at that time of night? Somehow, the boy must've realized what she was thinking. "We need to borrow your phone. My cellphone battery's dead."

Smithers thought more about the suddenness of having these unexpected guests. But they were children regardless. At the very least, she could grant them this one request. She nodded her head, gesturing the two children in. Smithers directed them into the living room where her cat drone awake from the ruckus. When it set its eyes on the two mysterious children, the cat arched its back and hissed. Smithers walked over to silence her cat.

"Lex, these are our guests! Behave yourself."

The cat mewed in defeat before running out of the living room and into the kitchen. The two children sat on the sofa their eyes still hidden. Smithers went into the kitchen and pulled out the plate of sweet and salty bark. She returned to the living room and bent down to the children's eye levels. "Care for some sweets?"

The boy looked up. There was a good reason as to why he was shielding his eyes. They were devoid of color or pupils. Nothing more than pitch black nothingness. Whatever he was, he assuredly was not of the earthly realm. The girl looked up as well, her eyes matched the coal blackness of the older boy. And yet most bizarre? Smithers smiled at the children despite the hollow sockets that they call eyes. The children were speechless at first. They shared a puzzled glare. The girl waved her hand in front of Smithers's face, but Smithers didn't follow the path of it. They leaned in closer, realizing that Smithers's eyes were glazed over in a thin sheet of blue. She was blind. Smithers suddenly frowned. "Oh, I'm sorry. You don't care for them?"

"Uh. Thank you?" the boy said. He took a piece of the sweet and salty bark and broke it in his hand before passing the girl a piece. Their heavy teeth ground down on the sweets. Oddness aside, the two children couldn't help but bask in the sweetness and saltiness of the snack. They indulged themselves in more of the sweets before getting up. They looked at the decorations with curiosity. On top of the fireplace on a stand was a small replica of the Nativity scene. From her mental notes, she figured that the two children had stopped at the fireplace.

"Isn't it such a lovely display?" she asked, "do you know the story of Christmas?"

"We know about your Jesus," the boy responded, "our ancestors spoke a lot about him."

Confused by his statement, Smithers nevertheless allowed the two children to further marvel at the Christmas decorations. The girl rustled the Christmas tree causing the ornaments to fall on the ground. She ceased when she sensed Smithers getting upset. The two children played with the nutcrackers and listened to Christmas songs. The hours edged by slowly until a sudden electrical surge generated through the house. The two children looked at each other and back at Smithers.

"We have to go now. Our parents are here."

For those of you who are under educated in the Heathenry tradition as it became unfamiliar was not the norm until the seventh grade. I'm American. The American Healthcare system is crap, and so sometimes people slip through the cracks. This Is in 2025 and was no better for people in life threatening households in 2016 when this story took place. One of my friends at the time, went missing and a hound from the otherworld took her place. (I'll get to what happens to her later).

So in the summer before the school year of sixth grade we got a knock on the door from my eldest sister. She was a real b-word. What? Her name started with the letter be. Left the animal on the doorstep and just... never came back. 

The animal was not used to being abandoned by the person who had raised her her whole life. My father left me a few messages about being home quickly and having to discuss things urgently. The skinny little thing had everything to do with "B" leaving a fratboy  blonde blue eyes of a partner and sorry excuse for a human being. It's just that as fallout for mental health recovery my half sister moved away and could no longer afford food for the animal.

A Meer three inches from ASOKA's height. My non-identical twin brother and I were pretty stoked. (Before the inevitable decision on the battle of even more chores within the divide; bummer.) This was a new pet, and the promise of seeing a relative was a rare treat. Even if the questions of how school was going and if we had ice cream money before going out for ice cream were a little annoying. She insisted on driving even though her arm was in a sling. Telling us fun stories about how, as a kid, she was not permitted to even wear makeup, and her dad sat on the floor of one of his apartments, learning how to blend concealer. This was after the request not to use all the Pinterest data because 'big sister wants to make collages too, its my iPad

On the school bus, a few months later, I was so stoked to start conversations with 'I have two dogs at home, what is your name'. At this point, I had grown used to the routine of waking up early enough to take. Her name was Katelyn. She liked anime, though preferred bleach to black butler. My new friend had NEVER heard of the supernatural by the CW show before I mentioned it. She loved Bleach (maybe a little too much) and Fruit Basket, which were things I had never considered being interesting, and in many real ways still don't. We could debate the likes of animation and what that meant for the male gaze, and what is and is not considered feminist. This was met with confusion before I backed up my budding politics with fanfiction, and which men were eye candy for the women. It was a locker room talk sort of thing, you would not know unless you walked away from teenagers being gross about big hentai boobie waifus to discuss the plot point of whether the Supernatural Anime was more similar to the books or the live action show.

The roles for us 'girls' rather than 'boys'. As it has been such a long time that everyone should have been of voting and bill paying age. It should have just been a phase, not the only portion I can recall. She should have gotten to grow up. I don't know if I'll find her.This is not me trying to look.

She gave me her username for kik while the bus driver wasn't looking and that is where our story stops without a bit of context. Pagans are just like everyone else. We have our parents informing us to stay away from the spirit board and to not let the interest in the occult affect our grades. Her death isn't on my hands, and I have spent a decade working up the courage to explain.

She loved anime, so I got into it around the same time. We could talk to each other about the books that we liked without 

My new friend from middle school was obsessed with nightcore. And then got me obsessed with nightcore. I got really Into supernatural because this awkward BO riddled tween next to me lived every Wednesday for the program. I had to go to my mother's house to catch up on episodes. I had never heard of warrior cats. She had apparently never read the inheritance cycle.

Katelyn had bruises and did not bathe regularly and pretty much constantly smelled like chlorine from swim practice. I sat next to her anyway, listening to her and giving her an awkward sideways hug while she hyperventilated due to the proximity of boys because of something 'she did not want to burden me with'.

At home, I got to relax and have a bit of ''me' time. Our houses weren't more than a street or two apart so a quick message could be set up either way. Katelyn often apologised for not being able to invite me outside or going over to my house. She even shared a few tricks about how to sneak food into your rooms when your parents lock the door. I needed a few hours then. I was a kid and this was NOT normal. The music teacher agreed. 

Even worse was that my sister often complained of a dislocated shoulder. Promising that if i snuck her ibuprofen. When she went to the store and got nervous and called me I answered. I don't like makeup and dresses and have no idea what 'mean girls' is, but this means i dont have to do my math homework yet and my parents can do nothing about it. So spending time listening to people even if I got nothing out of the conversation  was a small benefit I decided.

It was between these times I developed an odd... recurrent dream.

Katelyn and I were stoked to get to work on hand drawn animations, finally making up our minds on which videos we liked best from her porch and my data plan from my dad's CDL permit job. A week later I was called into the office at knight's local middle school and my friend was gone without a trace. 

Before she left for home, I got a message asking what I would do if I were left on an island with nothing but candy. She had apparently 'lost her phone', so this was odd. I texted back with 'Is the phantomhive name taking applications from baldroy?'. No further response, but she did start giggling. Like insane happy fits, I could not place or control.

Confused, I sat at our regular spot. Pulled onto our seat. Sat down and put earbuds on. To my disappointment a new family who had never heard of Katelyn (last name redacted) said that was up to witness protection. And then changed the subject to dogs. My friend was missing and I was grounded from using kik ever again? How was I supposed to meet up with my friend now? Was she still mad at me for telling the counselor about her depression?

I got home. Tears welling down my face. Pinpricks of anxiety and confusion that no eleven year old child had ever and should never experience. A dog... blonde and with brown eyes almost identical to Katelyn's was waiting by the door. My sister left me a note on my bed thanking me for taking care of her pet and she would see me at the next reunion.

I never saw or heard from Katelyn again. A woman in curlers I remembered telling her off for spending so much time slacking off and who I made the excuse of seeing her child with music theory homework for extra credit. Cornered me at my locker, shrieking that my family and our traditions have 'stolen her little girl'. The homeroom teacher started to tell her to 'f off and pick on someone her own size' and asked if I remember what time my dad got home from his shield wall meeting.

There was an announcement the next day about suicide being a sin against God. Katelyn was not exactly a witch and not a Christian. So it couldn't be that simple right? She just stopped talking and sitting next to me one day?

As an adult these fragments make sense.The shit to be cleaned. The bedroom I was never able to enter. The way everyone picked on a child who neither bathed properly nor ever smiled for fear of giving men the wrong idea. In 2016 I was raised as a heathen. And in 2025 I will have graduated knowing I can do nothing but provide hope through my art. If my older sister can survive and live a good life free of horrible blondes, maybe my middle grade friends just moved schools. Katelyn had so much that made her sick both mentally physically and emotionally, and that she wanted to do it  and just leave because she was a year older than me at thirteen. I'm choosing that she went through Hel and now has more friends her own age. 

First reading for my Tumblr account! And I’ve got a few more on my channel!