#feelslife

“because i’ve never wanted to be the president.”           river answered like it was obvious, blatant and upfront. astrid was not the first person to nudge him towards running, but she was spared some of the edge that he sometimes directed towards his parents — although, that was more because they demanded rather than just nudged. “not everyone joins student council because they want to be president their senior year.” river raised his brows just slightly in her direction, but kept his tone warm and gentle to avoid coming off as though he was trying to lecture her, or something of the sort. “i like my spot because i get to meet the new students and show ‘em around and be their first point of contact. i’ll lose that if i get elected, and that’s really important to me.”

          “i hate those stupid names,”       betty grumbled on her way out of class, adjusting the strap of her backpack on her shoulder. bitterness in her tone matched the disdain in her eyes, directed behind her at their absolutely unbearable english teacher. “you’d think someone who doesn’t look like a total dinosaur would know that in the twenty-first century you don’t call your female students something as condescending as ‘kid’?” harmless on its own, the moniker took on a different connotation given the current context and given tone. “and don’t even get me started on ‘baby’ ... i’d go to the principal about it if i thought it would do anything good at all.”

i have this one and then a marley blog over at roesei !! i might be adding a tina blog soon as well tbh. but blaine is my main baby and i love him.

❝   HEY,  ARE  YOU  OKAY?   ❞     viviana’s  never  been  one  to  go  out  of  her  way  to  check  on  the  wellbeing  of  strangers   ---   that’s  more  vienna’s  territory,  but  something  about  this  girl  stuck  with  her,  so  she  catches  up  with  her  as  she’s  leaving  the  diner.     ❝   sorry,  i  probably  seem  like  a  stalker.  i  just  saw  how  that. . .  cretino  was  treating  you,  and  i  wanted  to  make  sure  you  were  alright.   ❞     she  offers  the  girl  a  smile  and  her  hand.     ❝   i’m  viviana.  and  you. . .  look  a  little  lost  and  overwhelmed.  are  you  new  to  new  york?  it  can  be  kind  of  staggering  at  first   ---   the  city,  i  mean.   ❞

          he’d expected the last day of school to bring a bigger sense of relief.       while the most intense year of high school was likely yet to come — senior year — river hadn’t exactly been spared rigor as a junior. it had been a year of SATs, college tours, essay prep, meetings with admissions counselors and experts coaching him through the ins and outs of what would make an ideal application — and all organized by his parents with a future in mind that river didn’t even think he wanted. summer vacation was supposed to be even just a temporary reprieve, but as he sat outside in his backyard, astrid at his side, sharing a chaise lounge by the pool, cooling summer air grazing their cheeks in occasional breezes, river found himself craving that idealized relaxation so much that it was only increasing the weight he was so disapppinted to find hadn’t at all lightened on his shoulders. his phone was on a table beside their chair, looping a spotify playlist on low volume, though that had been the only sound for a while, save for whatever foliage was occasionally lightly rustled by the gentle wind and the buzzing of cicadas. he broke the silence in a way that would’ve seemed sudden, perhaps jarringly so, had his voice not been so gentle and measured. inflection was informed by curiosity, pitch raising just slightly in his inquiry: “what’s something you’re looking forward to?”

✆ for a MORNING text.

[ sms → astrid sloan , 7:01 am ] morning captain’s practice ran late so i’ve gotta hit the showers and head right to first period. [ sms → astrid sloan , 7:01 am ] which means i’ll miss wishing you luck on that calc exam in person but i didn’t want to miss it entirely. [ sms → astrid sloan , 7:02 am ] you’ve got this! we studied enough for it, and you’re completely prepared. 

✉ for a TEXT THAT WASN’T SENT.

[ sms → astrid sloan , 3:23 pm ] my mom just called and said her and my dad won’t be back until late tonight. [ sms → astrid sloan , 3:23 pm ] do you want to come over? maybe stay for dinner? the house is feeling especially empty. this place is too big to be left alone in.

☎ for a RUSHED text.

[ sms → astrid sloan , 10:07 pm ] i’m coming i’m sorry i know it’s taking longer than i said it would [ sms → astrid sloan , 10:07 pm ] there’s a ton of people back here and teachers and stuff who are trying to catch all of us after the show and congratulate us [ sms → astrid sloan , 10:08 pm ] principal vaughn wants to chat but if you wanna just go ahead i won’t blame you i can stop by when i’m out of here or i can just see you tomorrow whatever’s easiest [ sms → astrid sloan , 10:08 pm ] i’m sorry again but thank you so much for coming i really appreciate it i know it was kinda long but it means a lot to me!!

⁇ for a DRUNK text.

[ sms → astrid sloan , 11:19 pm ] lax party getting out of hand [ sms → astrid sloan , 11:19 pm ] no danger just crazy [ sms → astrid sloan , 11:20 pm ] no driving for me tonigt i think im gonna walk home ill can see u tomorrrow

✿ for a SUGGESTIVE text.

[ sms → astrid sloan , 5:27 pm ] i'm just getting out of practice now and my parents are gonna be out until late [ sms → astrid sloan , 5:27 pm ] i just have to take a quick shower, but if you want to come over later and hang out you’re more than welcome to [ sms → astrid sloan , 5:28 pm ] or you could come over now rather than wait, of course ;)

ø for a LATE NIGHT text.

[ sms → astrid sloan , 2:28 am ] i can’t sleep and i think part of it is because i feel guilty about this student body president thing. [ sms → astrid sloan , 2:28 am ] shouldn’t i be trying to make impressions with these colleges based on things i’m actually passionate about? something that has meaning to me? [ sms → astrid sloan , 2:29 am ] besides, there are people who this stuff actually really matters to. why should i threaten to take that away from them? [ sms → astrid sloan , 2:29 am ] i know you won’t see these until morning. but i had to get it off my chest, if just in hopes that it’ll help me get to sleep.

✘ for a HATEFUL text.

[ sms → astrid sloan , 6:46 pm ] i know i don’t usually say things like this, and i don’t like to speak this way, but the way some people treat others at our school is disgusting. [ sms → astrid sloan , 6:47 pm ] that kid that lives over on hermosa, in our world history class? i was leaving our game and i just saw a couple kids on the football team picking on him and saying some pretty awful things about him and his family. [ sms → astrid sloan , 6:47 pm ] it’s hard enough for kids our age to make meaningful friendships in today’s society without this divisive culture of privilege our school perpetuates. [ sms → astrid sloan , 6:48 pm ] anyways i stopped to check on him and chat for a few minutes so that’s why i’m running a little late. i’ll be over soon.

# for a RANDOM text.

[ sms → astrid sloan , 11:07 am ] starbucks or dunkin this morning? [ sms → astrid sloan , 11:07 am ] i’ll stop for coffees on my way to pick you up, we can take it to the beach with us.

@ for a SCARED text. 

[ sms → astrid sloan , 12:17 am ] just checking in - haven’t heard from you tonight and i know you said you were on your own. [ sms → astrid sloan , 12:17 am ] i’m just getting back from that fundraiser with my parents, if you need anything give me a call.

& for a LOVING text.

[ sms → astrid sloan , 8:32 pm ] we just landed from italy.  [ sms → astrid sloan , 8:32 pm ] i can’t wait to see you :) i really missed you while we were away. [ sms → astrid sloan , 8:33 pm ] i thought about you all the time and how i wished you were there and all the things we could’ve been doing together.

% for a CURIOUS text.

[ sms → astrid sloan , 1:52 pm ] did you ever surf competitively? [ sms → astrid sloan , 1:53 pm ] i know you take lessons still but i was just thinking and i realized i don’t think i’ve ever asked.

ツ for an EXCITED text.

[ sms → astrid sloan , 10:24 pm ] good news - parents okayed renting that beach house for a weekend :) [ sms → astrid sloan , 10:24 pm ] if you’re still up for it, of course. no pressure, just wanted you to know they agreed and offered to cover it - as a birthday present.

$ for an ACCIDENTAL text.

[ sms → astrid sloan , 5:35 pm ] i didn’t realize you and dad were going out again, but next time maybe you could give me a call instead of leaving a note on the counter? i was kind of counting on us all having dinner tonight and i thought it would’ve been good for all of us to be together.

♀ for a HEARTBREAKING text.

[ sms → astrid sloan , 10:57 pm ] i’m still so sorry that you found out that way. [ sms → astrid sloan , 10:57 pm ] but i’m not sure i would’ve ever been able to tell anyone if it wasn’t just a spur of the moment kind of thing. [ sms → astrid sloan , 10:58 pm ] even thinking of telling just you was terrifying. [ sms → astrid sloan , 10:58 pm ] i was so scared of what anyone would say - not just you. [ sms → astrid sloan , 10:58 pm ] i can’t help feeling like i let you down, though. and i’m really, truly sorry.

river sends postcards from his family vacations, even though his family can absolutely afford international phone plans and absolutely do purchase them anytime they’re abroad. astrid probably tells him it’s unnecessary and definitely doesn’t see the nostalgic / old-fashioned appeal to letter-writing and the like that he does, but he does it anyways and they’re always very sweet and eloquent.

after his speech at the student council debate, there’s obviously a lot of talk about his big revelation and a lot of it gets directed towards astrid and whether or not she knew, etc. river doesn’t want her to have to be bombarded with questions or feel pressured to talk about it with anyone else before she can talk about it with him, so for the rest of the day he walks with her to and from every class, even if they have different schedules.

river’s a big music nerd and puts together playlists for her on spotify that he’ll just send her way. he spends time on them because he wants it to be special and to tell a meaningful story and for it to be something they can connect over, and so by the time she gets them they’re more just like little random ‘gifts,’ not necessarily coming for any kind of special occasion or anything.

after the first few times she stays at his house when his parents are away for weekends, he learns what she likes and about her habits and does things like go to the grocery store friday afternoon to make sure there’s food she likes in the fridge, and makes sure she has some bathroom counter space of her own.

river loves taking astrid out on the family boat. his dad really only got it in the first place because he didn’t want to be the only one in his department at the firm without one, so it doesn’t get used as often as it should, but river always jumps at the chance and he’s eager to take her out onto the open ocean and drop anchor for a bit. he does it himself to find some peace, and he wants to include her in that.

even though he knows she probably won’t wear it, given how meticulously put together she always is, river follows game day traditions and gives her either his letterman jacket or his away jersey when st. sebastian hosts lacrosse games. even if she just keeps it in her locker or in her backpack, or something, river appreciates her accepting it in the first place.