#feelingoftheday

Sighhh

Many words that require rebellion against my silence, then a desire to continue the long silence, paying attention to the smallest details, and suddenly I deal with life and the world with complete coldness, as if I had not been born in the first place. I blame myself with the utmost reproach and inflict severe punishment on her for the unknown paths that she took, for the paths that I knew. There are sad endings waiting for me, and I took them because of my naivety and stupidity, and I took it lightly because she was confused, tired, and exhausted. She really deserved, even if very little, love.

"Feeling of Void," as the internet explains it, is all about experiencing a deep, empty, and sometimes super tough-to-put-into-words sense of emptiness and unhappiness. It usually happens when you're feeling like you lack a purpose or fulfillment in your life. So, you might be wondering, why's Ms. Sappy all introspective today? What's got her down?

Well, here's the deal – I've been down that deep void road. You know, that feeling of not fitting in anywhere? It's like you're in a room full of folks, but you're feeling like you're flying solo. Or it's when your closest bud isn't there for you when you need 'em most. It's also the lonely train ride back home or that late-night drive where you're second-guessing every decision you've ever made.

It could be that seventh-grade crush, that time you missed a deadline, or passing up on a trip with your buddies. Personally, I've felt this way quite a bit, and as the internet rightly points out, it's not easy to explain. Lately, I've been dealing with a mixture of guilt, regretting all the time I've spent on stuff that doesn't really matter in my practical, law school life. I mean, come on, I'm in college – I should be laser-focused, right? Well, I am, mostly, but in these tough moments, I just wish I had someone to lean on, maybe that friend I'm always yearning for or the one who promised to be there but isn't.

It's not about having someone physically there; it's about having someone who's emotionally present, or just knowing that someone, somewhere, cares. In times like these, all I want is a comforting hug from that one person who always made me feel at ease. We're not always seeking practical advice or stern words; sometimes, we just need a shoulder to cry on and move forward. But what do you do when you don't get that? Should I mope around and overthink things? I'm plagued by anxiety and frustrated with the one I expected so much from. Did I place my trust in the wrong person to be there for me? Let me clarify, these thoughts aren't just about romantic or platonic relationships; it's about feeling loved when you're going through that void.

One of my friends gently pointed out that my red flag is expecting too much from people who keep hurting me. I agree with her, but how do I explain to this well-meaning friend that I don't want anyone else to feel the way I did back in 10th grade when I was uninvited from birthday parties or bullied? Now, I know from what I've written, it might sound like I'm wallowing in self-pity, but let me make it clear: I'm totally aware of my surroundings, and I've become confident in my own company. But what does my 10-year-old self do when I'm in moments of sadness and need that person? How do I cope? Well, here's what I do – I write, just like I'm doing now. I take the internet by storm, treating it like my personal diary, and I talk about everything and anything that makes sense to me, right?

I'm gonna fill that void with my words, with my feelings of anger, emptiness, or you know what – I'll even try confronting myself in the mirror about why I'm feeling this way. If all else fails, I'll scream at that person I'm angry at in my dreams, hoping they get the message. Maybe I'll finally go on that walk I've been planning for ages. But will it all work, or will I keep yearning for that missing piece? Will that void ever truly be filled?