#feelingismutual

July 09, 2019

Well, I said it. I sent the most utterly raw, vulnerable, and honest text I think I’ve ever sent out. Hopefully it does more good than it does damage. Hopefully. I was honest though. I think that’s what important. I hope you don’t take anything I say and try to turn it into something it’s not.

I’ve held back a lot of what I wanted to say to you but I’ve kept it in. I was honest and I told you the complete truth. I just hope it doesn’t back fire in the end. I’d be lying if I said that was an easy message to send and an easy message to type out because it absolutely was not. It was hard. It gave me anxiety when I was contemplating sending it. But I did it and I don’t regret it. I have no anxiety. I just don’t know how you have THAT much self control. I don’t. I’d blow up your phone if I could. Bombard you with all of my love.

I told you how I felt, what I wanted, and what I hope the future has for us. I’m not ready to give up. Are you? Are you willing to walk away? There’s a part of me that says no you aren’t but then there’s a part of me that says you’re done. I just don’t know how I’m suppose to handle the “I’m done.” - aspect. I told you I’d respectfully give you time, but I want an answer by October. I’m leaving you this month, August, September, and to the end of October. I think that’s giving you more than enough time to figure it out. It’s not even - I’ll be with you. It’s more so - I do but I need time. I love you, but I still need some space.

I love you, I miss you, I want you, I crave you.

Little memories of you always flutter through my mind. It can be a show, a movie, a song, and those memories take flight and they stay flying.

You’re important to me whether you see it now or not. But you are. No one will ever come close to you simply because I refuse to allow it.

You’re one of a kind, a rare find, that I happen to fall stupidly in love with and have been for almost the last ten years.