#feeling selfish

Hey love,

It’s fine to feel bad or upset when your friends are hanging out without you. No one likes to be excluded from things that their friends are doing together. No one likes to feel like they’re the only one not included so when it happens you are in the right to feel bad. It’s not selfish at all. However, rather than spending all of your time feeling bad and angry, try to find a better way to spend it. It’s going to be a challenge because you’re going to want to be angry and sad the entire time. Wondering “Why didn’t they invite me?” “Am I not fun?” “Maybe I’m not as close with them as I thought” and all of those other negative thoughts. Try to find a better use of your time. It will help you feel less like your time is wasted and you won’t be at home with nothing to do besides regretting.

I think it’s important to acknowledge that you are jealous. You’re jealous that they went out without you and that they’re doing something fun together without you. However, don’t forget to reason with yourself the various reasons why you weren’t invited. Maybe it was a mutual friend that you’re not friends with. Maybe they assumed you had other plans. Not every time that this happens means that you’re not good enough or that you’re lame. It can be a misunderstanding so it’s also important to share these feelings with your friends. They may not know that you’re feeling this way. My sister does this all the time. I’m usually too busy or too lazy to hang out sometimes so she stopped asking me and I would get hurt. But sharing these feelings can clear up the air and help you bette understand why it happened and how to prevent it from happening again. Try telling them something along the lines of “I felt jealous or sad when you hung out with so and so and I wasn’t invited. It made me feel left out.” You’re not trying to antagonise them so try to word your sentences properly.

Now going back to spending your time more productively, I exercise. So whenever I’m not doing something I try to prioritise my to do list and perhaps knocking some of it down. Go do charity work. Volunteer at an animal shelter. Learn a new language even! Don’t be afraid to hang out with other people as well. We all have more than one group of friends. The only difference is how close we are to them and how often we hang out so perhaps connecting with others when you can.

In conclusion, it’s not wrong for you to want them to care about you and feeling bad that your friends are hanging out without you. It’s not selfish. Everyone feels that way one time or another. It’s more important to acknowledge those feelings and try to make them useful to you instead of dwelling too much on it.

Always by your side,

Hey love! 

You know, I don’t think it’s selfish at all! I think it’s completely normal to feel a bit left out and envious when your friends are hanging out with someone else that’s not you because they’re your friend. We all become a little possessive over our friends every now and then and it’s not always a bad thing. Do you know why you’re upset? Do you get upset because they don’t hang out with you as often or because you’re left with nothing to do while they’re away? If the second option is the case, I think making new friends and hanging out with them is the best idea. It’s always nice to have various groups of friends that you can hang out with and if you can’t hang out with them, perhaps picking up a hobby that you enjoy doing and do that. 

i don’t hang out with anyone because I’m a tad bit of a loner but I have a lot of hobbies and I fancy being alone anyway that i make it work. My sister said my life is pathetic because I never go out but I think it’s fine. I enjoy it. I’ve come to accept that I won’t be the type to go to the movies on the weekends and just found other ways to spend my time. Perhaps that’s something you should look into as well. 

Do you talk to your crush? My best friend used to be close to my crush and I used to dislike it whenever she can casually talk to him while I’m hiding away under a rock watching him. But instead of hiding like 12 year old me did, I would advise you to talk to your friends and have them introduce you guys. Tell them “Hey, you know so and so is pretty cute. You mind introducing us?” Or joining them when they talk or when they hang out. It’s great in the mutual friends pool because you get invited to similar events and you get more chances of engaging in a conversation with your crush! 

If you’re more on the shy side, I would talk to your friend and see if they can pull something under the radar and help you talk to him. 

It’s not selfish, babe. I think you just feel a bit insecure because your friends have other friends and it makes you feel like maybe you’re not as important. But don’t worry too much about it. Go out and meet other people or pick up a new hobby. Spend your time wisely. Everything will be okay. 

Always by your side,