#fed2

MONOCHROMATIC HEART Falling in love with hues

Somehow, I’d like to believe that the black and white roll I’ve have used for almost four months of this year means something — my life at the moment, of course. Perhaps I see it as the absence of color, of life, but still finding the beauty in it. Appreciating little drops of happiness in between.

Today I am happy to say that gradually, I am welcoming the colors again. My life is still a bit messed up to be honest, but for some reason I choose to always fight and search for the greener grass on the other side. Compartmentalization? False positivity? I don’t care now. For as long as I am slowly healing in the process, I’ll definitely bet on it.

September gave me a lot of moments for me to appreciate living. First, I’ve had a couple of Manila dates with Wence — hopping from one museum to another, cursing and laughing at how fucked up the system is, and feeling the separation anxieties as we say our goodbyes. Secondly, for the first time I had a chance to see Sagada — a town I really dreamed of visiting; it was for a film shoot though but I still enjoyed it to bits. Nature really has its way of healing you, and Wence and I promised to go back one day.

Life, at the moment, is still confusing. It gives you plenty of reasons to give up, yet offers a lot of moments for you to fall in love with living again. All of my life I’ve known that I have a monochromatic heart, but the phases I go through in this existence give me so much beautiful hues that always remind me how it is always worth it.

Life is worth living.