#featurestories

I wrote an article for the Winter 2018 issue of Maisonneuve Magazine about low-cost funerals, which you can read here.

The story of how this article came to be is: a little over a year ago, Selena Ross at Maisonneuve sent me an email asking if I had any ideas I’d like to pitch them. At that point, I hadn’t done any journalism for three years or more; I’d been teaching English and writing fiction instead. But I was always looking for a chance to dip a toe back into journalism, so I sent back some ideas.

The one Selena liked was the one about the funeral industry. I’ve been fascinated by the funeral industry and the people who work in it for a long time. One of my favourite things I worked on in journalism school was a profile of a funeral director. I enjoy talking to funeral people and learning about why and how they do what they do.

I worked on this article off and on for about a year and it went through somewhere around seven drafts (probably more). I very much appreciate the people who were kind enough to speak to me about some of the most painful times in their lives for the article. Because of the length of the piece and its focus, much of Rob Mark’s story and Evangelina Coleman’s story didn’t make the published article. They were both very kind and accommodating to speak to me about their experiences.

Eric Vandermeersch, Michelle Clarke, and Ian MacDonald were all lovely to talk to. They all had a real passion for helping bereaved people. They each said some version of the sentiment that no one gets into the funeral industry to make money, and that certainly seems true the people in the funeral industry I’ve personally spoken to.

It was such a pleasure to work with Selena and everyone else at Maisonneuve who helped make the article better (including Jimmy Thomson and Paula Dayan). They edited and fact-checked the hell out of the story.

Finally, the illustrations that accompany my article are incredible! The talented Graham Roumieu did them and I was delighted by them.

Form 3. I can’t believe I’m already halfway done with my secondary school life. It’s been a crazy journey and this year was no exception.

This past year was even more stressful considering the fact that I had to choose my electives. During the last week of school, our form was told that our elective results were going to be coming out on August 1st, and being completely honest, I dreaded that day. I kept thinking that I might not be good enough or my grades weren’t going to bring me the electives I wanted. I mean this was really important because I knew that these subjects would be what courses I could apply for when I’m going around to different universities, and not only that but it also meant my career in the future.

I honestly felt worthless and I couldn’t pick up the courage to tell myself that I would be fine and that I would get the electives that I wanted. With that I just waited. But then a few days before I got my results, I realized that I didn’t pray. The entire time I wasn’t devoted to asking God for help. Let alone asking him to just simply listen to my problems. And so I started praying that I would at least get electives that I could cope with. I did that every day until with day that I got the results. And praise God because I got the electives that I wanted. With this I know that I learnt a more valuable lesson: To never doubt regardless of whoever or whatever it is.

You have received a message:

“Your data usage has reached over 6GB this month (the monthly usage level per month). You may still continue to use our service however, your network access speed will be lowered to 128kbps.”

No… NO 3G?! How am I supposed to check Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Whatsapp and my e-mails?

Ugh… oh well, I guess I have to deal with it.

Over the past two weeks, I have been living under the prehistoric circumstances under which 3G does not exist. The experience was very unnerving at first - I was anxious to miss important messages or emails and annoyed that I can’t update my life through social media. 

After a while, I realised something funny - we’re constantly sharing our experiences, our feelings, our opinions on social media. Yet, how often to we genuinely get to experience each moment with God?

I resorted to reading books and writing in my journal during my long commutes. Firstly, books are great - fiction, philosophy, devotionals, etc. They fill your mind with new knowledge and enriches it. Secondly, writing is equivalent to reflecting on your thoughts with God. Writing allows me to retell the story of my day and to reflect on it simultaneously. 

In the past two weeks, I have been doing a lot of household chores to fill the gap of boredom. Through doing so, not only do I feel great because I helped my parents with daily work but also because I felt God working through me. Doing chores not out of “utos” (because I was told to do them so) has turned the task as an act of love.

Sometimes, we need to disconnect ourselves to fully experience God. As St. Teresa of Avila points out, detachment allows us the experience the freedom to love God above all, without caring about distracting and unduly things that take up our time.

I recently re-watched The Fault In Our Stars, and without going so much into the plot, I’d like to just highlight a scene. Hazel, the female protagonist living with lungs that can barely function, struggles to reach the top of the Anne Frank House because of risk of over exerting her lungs. There is pain and discomfort in her eyes, as she takes every breath to reach the attic. There is no telling how much further she could go climbing and carrying her personal oxygen tank. Yet, she hoped that she could keep going even when, she could've died right there, right then.

She was being wreckless. Let me go further in saying:

Hope is a childish idea. Yeah, you read that right. It is.

Stupid. Decisions in life usually have several outcomes, and each has their own probability or chance, of happening. Hope makes us choose the least probable outcome, and believing in it wholeheartedly. What?! Any practical person would go with the one with the highest favorable outcome to us. There are times when we try to be heroic and choose those, but is hope just a formal way of saying ‘idiot’?

Needy. Hoping for better grades, hoping for forgiveness from friends, or hoping for a brand new phone - hope asks. When we hope, it just makes us give up, and makes up just ask for things. Anyone in their right mind would just go get it themselves. Why let go of the control?

Annoying. We hope when we are uncertain in our decisions, as we are tainted by the mysterious void of - the future. We ask questions a lot, and we try to get information from a lot of people. We would be annoyed if someone just kept coming to us, and asked us questions about how their decision went.

All these qualities seem unattractive to members of society. But, I’m gonna tell you that the Lord loves you for it.

“When there is hope - there is LIFE.” Anne Frank, The Fault In Our Stars (2014)

There IS life in hope. If we look at it from the Lord’s perspective:

You’re not stupid, my child. You are living life by taking chances. He has given us this life to live to the fullest. He even sacrificed himself, so that we can have the gift of eternal life! He knew that he’d be persecuted, and he knew that one would betray Him, yet He believed in the slightest chance that God would change it. It’s crazy cos He lost his life doing it, but in turn saved countless others after Him - isn’t that a life worth living? Sure, “the brave may not live forever, but the cautious don’t live at all.”

You are not needy, my child. You are humble to ask. We give up our control for the things uncertain, because it is uncontrollable. Our actions can only take us so far, but at the end of it all, the outcome is all up to chances. The Lord guides us in our journey, and says “ask and you will receive.” When we give up ourselves and let Him takeover, we don’t admit weakness - we admit humility. That we can’t do it by ourselves, and we need help.

You are not annoying, my child. You listen to my Words. Because of uncertainty, we become a speedy sponge, trying to absorb much information as we can. Trying to get the most updated information we can to lessen uncertainty. This does not makes us annoying, but because of asking.. it makes us listen and understand what others are saying. It allows us to get the other side of things from people. God works through everyone, and in moments like these, He “commands his Angels to protect you wherever you go.” We could literally, be “touched by an Angel” lessing our uncertainty.

“Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it at all.” Mark 10:15

Hope allows us to take chances, to be humble and listen.. like children. Children are the epitome of life, of new life - a generation anew. When we hope, it is as if we are transformed into children again. Unaware, unhinged and unsure. Yet, it is this exact feeling that the Lord tells us that makes us worthy for the kingdom of God.

Growing up, we can’t always say we have things figured out, planned or prepared for. There are a lot of things that we get disappointed by about that destroys our idea of hope. Every time it happens, we slowly come to terms with ourselves saying, “No, we can’t. It's impossible.” The childish idea of hope however, gives us the reason to believe in impossibilities. Even if there is just no chance at all, like a child, we just have to hope and know that “God will provide.”

And that’s a chance I’m willing to take.

“Buy groceries ah?” said my mom as I was stepping out the house to head to the airport in the morning of the WYC.

Groceries. 

One of the sure things that I could bring back to Hong Kong after the long-awaited 3-day event. 

Looking back at the previous WYC photos, I didn’t really know what to expect from this year’s conference. Nevertheless, I’ve heard stories from last year’s delegates of how empowering of an experience it was and how they wished everyone else could have gone with them. After the afternoon worship in the CFCFFL echo conference, weeks before the WYC, I felt so pumped up, wanting to sing and dance even more. Akis, who has been to multiple WYCs already, said to me, “Dude, this is going to happen much more often and it’s going to be much more dynamic.”

That was when it finally dawned on me that what I am about to go through is going to be so immense. The bar was set high and as crazy as it seems, it just kept going up from there.

Once we arrived in Malolos Sports and Convention Center, everything had already exceeded my expectations. The lights, the thousands of seats slowly being filled up, the JBand sneaking in their final practices…it was all so surreal.

© Jomar Tagabi

Surviving on a few hours of sleep each day left me with no energy at all, but it was awesome how the Lord always filled me up for the day of sessions and activities every time we worshipped Him. Each day, He took me into an emotional journey. Tears would stream down my face at one point, then I’d be jumping for joy in another. I clearly remember having goose bumps already just when they started teaching songs.

Coming into the WYC with lots of unanswered questions, encountering Christ through the sessions has definitely given me a new perspective on things and with that new point of view, things started to become much clearer because I was able to see things through the light He has shined on us. After this powerful encounter, I have decided to let others encounter Him as well through my words and actions.

Furthermore, what’s great about this encounter is that it doesn’t stop there, it doesn’t matter how far we may have gone away from Him, there’s always a way to encounter Him each and every day of our lives; through prayer, the community and our family and friends. Being able to see 2,400 youths who share the same passion in serving the Lord, I was reaffirmed that Christ really does work in everyone.

My first WYC has allowed me to accomplish several things in my bucket list. I’ve never been to a concert, never participated in a rave and never met a celebrity, but after experiencing several exhilarating praise and worships, letting loose on EDM night, and taking selfies with talented and inspirational YFLs (and Jollibee), I have received so much more than what I asked for.

I may have not been able to buy the things on my grocery list, but I was able to have an experience of a lifetime.

Seeing how much the delegates of last year's WYC enjoyed so much, I told myself that there was no way I'm missing out in 2015. Especially as the team leader this year, all the excitement was just uncontainable. All of a sudden, things started to feel differently when I was called to be a worship leader for the conference. Excitement turned into pressure which added to everything else that was going on in my life at the moment. 

On the 10th of April, I woke up and decided to put everything aside just for the weekend. All my questions and worries, just so I could experience the whole conference to the fullest. 

However, our God is so surprising that He allows us to encounter Him in the moments and people that we least expect. All the talks, sharings and especially the worships really got to me and made me realize how much our God loves us. Words can't even describe such an amazing feeling. No matter how hard I try to run away from my thoughts and worries, I just couldn't and I felt like the Lord kept telling me to face them, but in a different perspective - with Him. I can vividly remember during the worship on the second night and how it hit me hard. I really couldn't contain myself anymore. All my emotions burst out and tears started to fall. I felt as if God was embracing me in His loving arms and forgiving me just like that. I know that I am undeserving of such love, but He still gives it and that's what so great about our God. 

© Chinna Roque

As for my worship, at first, everything inside me was just nervousness and anxiety, but it slowly changed into excitement and happiness. Because of what I experienced, I became so excited to share with everyone else about how God loves us so much. When I got up on stage, I was all smiles and full of joy; dancing and singing like I do when I'm alone. One thought came into my head, "Is this what heaven is like?" It was such an overwhelming experience, one that I could never forget.  

© Jamerica Domingo

Back to reality. I'm not saying that everything is good like how you wake up from a nightmare. Everything is still here, but I'm looking at things in a different light; staying more hopeful that things will get better and believing that God has a great plan for us. After all this, I question myself, "why did I even doubt?"

God loves you, that's real talk.

It’s been a week since the World Youth Congress 2015, and as usual, after our community events, I am experiencing a hangover from the event – the most immense one at that.

Being a relatively shy individual (outside our abode), all these ‘what ifs’ invaded my thoughts months before the WYC. I was so afraid I wouldn’t be able to keep conversations going with the youths I would meet and that being there wouldn’t be such a fruitful experience because of all the anxiety I was having.  

True enough, He moves in mysterious ways, all the ‘what ifs’ were enveloped by His reaffirming love in the simplest moments. One of them being our practices for our iSIKAT performance, I felt as if I was part of the dance ministry (dream come true hahaha) and the second one happened on the night preceding our flight. I was listening to the praise and worship songs that were going to be used during the Congress and in an instant, the anxieties were swept away by the melodies.

It was beyond my expectations; a weekend filled with realizations, pure bliss and new encounters with my brothers and sisters around the globe. I never thought that I would be talking to the people who were speaking and singing on stage, or that I would be friends with other youths who randomly asked us for a selfie.

From the opening performance to the sessions to everything else that happened that weekend, I would withdraw myself for a bit and imagine how it would be like if it was with my fellow YFLs back here in Hong Kong.

© JM Dequiña

Although the WYC itself was already pre-eminent, there was one moment that really struck me – the praisefest. I remember the 20 of us (YFL HK) standing in a circle, as if we were a human chain. We were told to pray over one another and so, our chapter servant, Ate Jem, (who was standing on my left) leaned over to tell me she was going to pray over me. Three seconds into her prayer, tears started streaming down my face; parang nahiya pa nga yung tears ko kasi pa-unti unti ako lumuha e (it was like my tears were shy because they fell little by little).

Right at that moment, I felt beyond blessed. I was and am so grateful to the Lord for bringing me there and for giving me the opportunity to love and serve Him through the community. As the praisefest continued, we slowly dispersed and I allowed my eyes to take a glimpse of the people around me. Although I barely knew a hundred of the thousands there, I felt a strong sense of family.

The very sight of 2,400+ youths with different stories and backgrounds coming together to encounter Him once again has inspired me to reach out to those who haven’t encountered Christ yet.

My first WYC experience was truly one for the books and I cannot contain my excitement for the rest of YFL HK and our upcoming echo conference where we can have a close encounter with Him again. 

© JM Dequiña