#fearsofmine

I’m shy but lovable person. I’m weird but can be normal at times. I don’t know how to communicated very well with other humans because I believe I lost those throughout the years of being captivated by assholes in my life. Communicating with somebody gets harder and harder for me but luckily, I have friends who either understand me or just help improve myself. 

I’m hoping my therapist helps me a little bit on it. She know how to communicate and maybe she’ll give me tips on how to better communicate. I have social anxiety and a lot others. Hopefully this guy I’m talking to helps out a bit. I’m meeting a completely stranger sort of and I see this as a sign of doing small things to crack out of my shell. 

I don’t wear make up. Make up irritates my skin, especially my eyes for some odd reason. I wear little make up. Certain lipsticks, maybe but that’s all. I’m all natural, my skin sometimes look dead but I have a facial routine to cleanse, moisturize and tone my face. Cleanse, tone and moisturized. THAT.  

I don’t have a good fashion. I mainly consist of t-shirt, tangtops, leggings, yoga pants and usually get clothes from my sister if she doesn’t want it. Joy of having a sister who’s kind enough to donate clothes to me. I did promise myself though, that I will dress better to look less of a young person. 

I’m silly but I can be serious. I just choose to make people smile and laugh rather than be down. I rather see people happy than sad. That’s why I either hug people or make them laugh. 

I don’t know a lot of words simply because I’m not that educated. I’m the oldest so my job in the family is to provide whatever money I can. I want to go into certain courses but either has to be at night after 6:30pm or it has to be early in the morning around 7 and end around 11am. I’ll try to improve my vocabulary and improve my French. 

I speak horrible French and hopes to improve it. I don’t speak English or French very well so him meeting me in hopes to improve his English may be sweep out the door. 

I’m slightly nervous to meet him only because of my intelligent. I’m street smart, I could improvise. His intelligent is way off the roof and I find myself slightly staggering behind in order to keep up. I want to be smart but I don’t have any room in my day or night to improve. It’s hard for me to find time since the old folk home can be spontaneous. Either it’s 6:00 p.m. or 6:30 p.m. 

God, I forgot about my stutter and speech impediment. 

...I’m being hard on myself, I know. Sorry. I had a total of three men who were all intelligent and beat me down simply because my brain isn’t comprehending right. Does that make sense? I have no idea. I’m trying!

I don’t know much but I realize I have a lot to offer people. Take a chance on me. Give me a chance to improve and hell, maybe I’ll blow your mind or make you realize that I’m trying as much as I can. 

I have a lot of love to give, a lot of jokes to be told and a lot of strange stories. Like that time I wore fake plastic pants that kept on falling. I kept pulling it up and tied a scarf around my waist to hold it. At one point going home, it ripped and there was a giant hole where you can see my crotch and thighs. It was embarrassing and I had only used it that one day, spent 25 dollars on it and hated it. 

Never buy clothes online. Only t-shirts and tang tops. 

Ahhhh, I have to go see my movie soon.