#fearistheenemy

My five-year-old son recently asked me, “Mum, what’s your biggest fear?” Well…my own ageing, your health, the loss of my family, and living a mediocre life all sprung to mind as responses, but considering his age, I smiled and simply replied: “wasps”. I didn’t have to ask him what his biggest fear was. He’d been waking several nights in a row with a newfound fear of the dark. I could remember how palpable my own fear of the dark was as a child, and how I’d slowly come to terms with it. Living alone in the woods certainly helped towards this end. How simple now were his placid childhood fears. The years were waiting to magnify them to far more threatening proportions.

Fear touches us all. Some of us have no idea how truly powerful its hold upon us is, yet our very happiness depends on how diligently we guard ourselves against it, how earnestly we control it. Of course, we can’t ditch fear altogether; it has saved us from being trampled by cars when crossing the road, and has protected our babies from harm, yet it is not to be wholly trusted. Fear can be a spy and a criminal, an imposter who professes friendship in order to mask its deceit. It needs to be kept close and monitored, examined and probed, for the more we succumb to it, the more it will enchant us, promising safety at the expense of our own freedom. And, if we’re not vigilant, fear will surreptitiously erect its walls around us, imprisoning us in tall towers of our own unwitting construction. It is then, that it will grin deviously, pretending to protect us, while it is truly the warden of our cells.

Somewhere along the line, I said no. Actually, I shouted it: “NO!!!!!!” Remarkably, I discovered that every time I accepted bravery’s invitation, my little foe grew weaker, smaller, and more manageable with the light of truth upon it. I sought out human examples of bravery wherever I could, those fierce and courageous souls out there who refuse to let fear limit their path. They are the ones who move through life dodging fear’s bullets, accepting challenge, embracing growth, and overcoming worry. Their mere self-belief drives their success and life rewards them for their flexibility and resilience.

Brazilian writer, Paulo Coelho, is just one of these souls. After reading his book “The Pilgrimage”, in which he embarked on a 500-mile Spanish pilgrimage route that’s existed since the Middle Ages, I too wanted to go. Fear was delighted to offer a dozen reasons as to why I shouldn’t go to Spain. Fear’s argument: “You have no money! You will be alone. It is unsafe, irresponsible. What job will you return to? Won’t you be lonely? You can’t possibly walk every day for miles. This is foolish! You aren’t brave enough or strong enough. You aren’t one of those people who does incredible things”. I let Fear list all its worries and reasons, and after the onslaught, there remained a little voice inside me that said, “yes I am”. I knew I had to go. Embarking on the pilgrimage became a personal challenge to combat fear. I didn’t realise it at the time, but my decision to go would reshape my whole belief system around fear. I would tackle my worries surrounding scarcity, loneliness and strength, and ultimately gain the faith that I too was deserving of a remarkable and extraordinary existence. Having learned this, I am now better equipped to pass on these values to my children.