#fdgshoja

When you know, you know. He’s the one.

Skip to this week. I started back at work at my new store. The plan was to be able to have a sit down meeting with the new manager and my old manager. So we could talk about my development and I could also just get caught up on what exactly was going on procedure wise. Instead the new manager had to stay on leave and the store is being dual managed by another manager whom I like. But trying to get in contact with her is a tough job. So now I have all these questions and concerns, and all I want to do is call my old manager because he's the only one I can ever get ahold of. But he is also dual managing another store and I don't want to pester him. I showed up for my first shift and had to do all the work myself of trying to find a store key so I could even open for my next shift. I ended up having to stay an hour late to set up codes for the safe and the building alarm and just calling around trying to figure out how I was supposed to get a key. There's so much potential for me to grow this store and fix things and get promoted again. But I feel like I have absolutely no support from management because it's basically non-existent. My old manager was pushing me and helping me develop so I could get promoted to assistant store manager. And I know I can do it. But I don't know how and feel like I don't and won't ever have that support from the management at this store. Instead of being able to ask for help and get promoted I'm going to have to do what I always do. Take on more responsibilites than I'm being paid for and over prove my qualifications, spend time outside of work learning things above my paygrade. So I'll do the work of a manager before I get trained to so I can have leverage in my interviews to show my experience. It took me a year and a half to get promoted and I had the same fantastic work ethic every minute. Everyone complimented me, told me I had good leadership qualities, came to me for questions, told me I should have already been promoted. But I couldn't get support from my manager to improve my interview skills and learn how to talk about myself in a positive light. I spend so much time focusing on what I can improve I don't know how to tell people what I'm good at. My old manager spent four months building up my confidence, having development meetings with me regularly and making me feel like I was worth the effort. I got so used to that I'm so scared to go back to hating this job because I just feel so unsupported and alone. Every time I hate my job it is solely because I feel like I can't depend on my managers to simply be there for me when I need them. I love working here, it's a job, it's hard and stressful sometimes, but I could do so much worse. The only thing that makes me break down is what I feel like I'm going to be dealing with now. Having to play phone tag with managers just to get a bad answer to my questions that doesn't even help me solve it and I still end up having to figure things out myself. I don't want to hate my job again. It was the one consistent happy thing in my life and I am sitting in the parking lot of my old store right now crying and typing this out. I feel so fucking sad. This place feels like home and I haven't been in there in a month now. I miss my store so much. I miss my friends. I'm so unhappy with the transfer already and I just wish it could be undone. I don't think I would have ever left my old store without being promoted and given my own store to run. And now I can't even go inside and chat with my friends because the whole world is closed. It all hurts so much, and I'm just so frustrated with life. I don't know why things always work out like this.

But logic never eased my worries about this kind of thing anyway.

And the end. Put it off for a month and a half and it only took me an hour.

Time to pack.

I'm sad and I want to waste money until I feel better.