#fdf2

Penny

I walk with Simon into the living room. He seems nervous. He keeps tugging at his clothes and running his hand through his ever-messy hair.

I don’t think that I have ever seen him this nervous. Not even when we went up against various creatures that seemed to be coming after Simon specifically for years. I wouldn’t say that he kept a level head during those times, but he did what he could, fought them to the very end.

“Are you ready?” I ask Simon, one last time.

He doesn’t hesitate this time. “Yes.”

I think maybe getting away from Dev and Niall helped him to calm down. They aren’t exactly the people I would have chosen to make plans with, but I have to admit that they aren’t bad company either.

“Okay. I’ll go let them know,” I tell him before giving his arm a reassuring squeeze. “You can do this.”

“Penny, wait,” he says quietly. For a moment, I’m worried that he’s about to back out, but then he smiles at me. It’s not the bright smile he usually has, but that’s understandable given the circumstances.

“Yeah, Simon?”

“Thank you. For your support in all of this, for accepting it so easily, and for being my best friend.”

I smile at him. “Of course. I’d do anything for you. Now, go get him.”

He nods, and I leave him alone in Dev and Niall’s living room.

We’re using their flat for this because we thought it would be easier to come up with a way to get Baz here than to get him to return to mine and Simon’s flat.

When I step inside their bedroom, I find them making out on their bed, Niall’s hands in Dev’s hair and Dev’s arms wrapped around Niall’s waist.

“Come on,” I groan. “I left for two minutes.”

“Sorry,” Niall says bashfully, pulling away, but Dev shrugs unapologetically, smiling at him.

“You two are just like Simon and Baz. Can’t keep your hands off of each other, even when there are other people around.”

“Seriously?” Dev asks. “They made out in front of you? I thought it was all pretend.”

“That’s just what they kept telling themselves.”

“They really were clueless, weren’t they?”

“No less clueless than you were before we got together,” Niall says, and the look that he gives Dev makes me worried that they might start kissing again if I don’t interrupt them.

Luckily, there’s a knock at the door then, which is Dev’s cue to leave the room.

“Don’t you think it’s weird that we’ll all just be sitting here while they’re working it out in there?” Niall asks after a minute of awkward silence between where he tries to right his clothes.

“I mean, it’s your flat, and I’m basically just here for support.”

“You mean we’ll be able to eavesdrop on them and know what they’re doing.”

“Or we’ll be able to step in if things start to go south.” It’s Dev who says this, reentering the room behind me.

That was fast, but it has to be a good thing, right? It means that he didn’t have to fight with Baz to get him to stay here.

I watch as Niall’s eyes light up, simply from seeing Dev again, and it reminds me a lot of the way that Simon looks at Baz. I don’t think that either of them realize that it happens. It’s just a reaction to be around each other. It’s like they’re almost as oblivious as Simon and Baz.

Almost. At least Niall managed to admit that he has feelings for Dev without having to go through all of these hoops.

“What’d you say to get Baz here, by the way?” Niall asks as Dev crosses the room to sit next to him.

I stay close to the door, trying to catch what Baz and Simon are saying in the other room, but I can’t hear them. I wouldn’t be surprised if Baz cast a spell so that we wouldn’t be able to hear them.

“That there was an emergency. I may have slightly implied that you were injured.”

“He’s going to be pissed.”

“I’m hoping that seeing Simon will soften some of the anger.”

“I wouldn’t count on it,” Niall says, shaking his head.

Maybe we should have come up with a way to get Baz here that wouldn’t cause him to be worried about his friend. That might make things not go well if he feels like he’s been tricked into getting here. Which he has, but I’d rather him not already be angry before Simon even gets a chance to say something.

I suppose it’s too late at this point. Now, it’s all up to Simon.

 Baz

Before Dev called me, I was lying in bed, where I had been all day.

He wouldn’t give me details about what was happening, but he said that something was wrong with Niall and that I needed to get over to their flat as fast as possible.

I hurried to leave my flat even though I wasn’t completely convinced that something was really wrong with either of them. If there was, I doubt they would call me over to their flat, but they’re my friends, so I’m going. Also, it’s a good excuse to get out of the house.

I didn’t even bother slicking back my hair like I usually do. I tied it back messily into a bun and got into my car. If it is an emergency, I can’t waste time doing my hair.

Now, I’m driving over to Dev and Niall’s flat, and I don’t know what to expect when I get there.

Sometimes, I still can’t believe that they are a couple.

I mean, I can see the chemistry between them, how happy they are in each other’s presence, but I never would have guessed that there was anything romantic between them. I also can’t believe how long they managed to keep it a secret from me.

Apparently, without me there to stand between the two of them at the beginning of the year, when I had been kidnapped, they were able to come to terms with how they felt about each other.

I’m happy for the two of them, I am.

But it’s hard not to look at them and wish that it could be that way for me and Simon.

I wish that it wasn’t so hard just to talk to him.

I just want something to work between us.

I pull up in front of their building and shut off the car before reaching for my phone where it sits along with the mail that I retrieved on my way to my car. One of the envelopes catches my attention in the midst of all the junk mail.

There’s no return address on it, but the color of the envelope, a deep shade of red, looks familiar.

My curiosity piqued, I grab the envelope and open it as I make my way up the stairs to their flat. There’s a card inside, and the words “Save the Date” jump out at me.

I rarely receive invitations to anything, and when I do, it is never through the mail.

As I look closer at the care and read the rest of the writing on it, I falter on the final step and just barely manage to catch myself on the railing before I fall down the stairs.

I am going to kill Snow.

 Simon

I pace nervously back and forth across Dev and Niall’s living room while I wait, and when there are three sharp taps at the door, I freeze.

My heart starts pounding in my chest, and it feels like I’m running out of air.

This was a mistake.

Baz is going to be pissed when he sees me, and it’s going to turn into a big fight. One that will result in him and I officially being done with each other.

I can’t believe I thought that this was a good idea. I have to go tell Penny that I changed mind, that I don’t want to do this.

“You okay, Simon?” Dev asks as he passes by me on his way to the door, his voice surprisingly gentle. We all agreed that it was best if Dev answered the door since there was a large possibility of Baz turning away as soon as he saw me.

He stops just beside the door, waiting for my response.

“Y-yeah,” I tell him.

“You’ll be fine,” he says reassuringly. “We’re just in the other room if you need us.”

“Okay.” I nod once at him, and he turns to open the door.

A moment later, I hear Baz’s voice.

“Where’s Niall? What’s wrong with him?”

“Nothing. He’s fine,” Dev says, and I watch as he ushers Baz inside the flat.

“What do you mean? When you called me, you said that there was an emergency.”

“Yeah, well, I didn’t think you would come unless you thought the situation was dire.”

“You lied so that I would come hang out with you?” He asks, sounding put out and just a smidge angry.

“Not exactly…”

That’s when they start moving closer to me, and I can see it in Baz’s eyes when his eyes finally land on me.

His expression turns stone cold, shutting out any worry that he may have had for his friend. He doesn’t look angry, but I think I would prefer that because at least if he was angry, it would mean that he cared, that he had some kind of feeling about seeing me.

“What are you doing here?” Even his voice is emotionless. I expected him to give me his best sneer when he saw me, but somehow this is worse.

“I wanted to talk to you, and I didn’t know how else to get you to see me,” I say, watching as Dev edges around us and out of the room.

“Oh, so now you want to talk?”

It’s a fair point, but it still stings. I try to respond, but Baz keeps going.

“We could have talked days ago, but you decided to storm out like a child and then ignore my phone calls.”

“That’s not fair. How could I talk to you when you were treating this like nothing but a competition?”

“You know what’s not fair? You breaking off our engagement like that without trying to talk through whatever it was that was bothering you.”

“It wasn’t a real engagement, remember?” Because I can’t help myself. Because I can feel all of this anger and pain boiling inside of me, but he is standing here, acting like he couldn’t care less.

“As if I could forget. That doesn’t explain why you did this, though.” He thrusts his hand out so that I can see what he’s holding.

It’s the save-the-date card that I sent him.

“I can explain,” I tell him.

“What explanation could you possibly have for doing this? Was it to try and upset me?”

“No, that wasn’t it at all. I was trying to show you that I care about--.”

“Some way to show you care,” he says, cutting me off, but a new emotion flickers across his face, quickly gone again before I can figure out what it is. “Sending out invitations for a fake wedding to all of our classmates.”

“That’s not what I did,” I say in a near-shout, unable to cover up my frustration. I take a deep breath and say, “I didn’t come here to fight.”

“Then, why are you here?”

It’s irritating that he can act so calm, that he can have this conversation without feeling anything. I want him to feel something. I want him to show me that I’m not making a mistake here, that there is a chance that this could work out, even if it’s a small one.

“To talk. The one thing that we can never seem to figure out how to do. I just wanted to talk about this, about everything.”

“Okay, talk.” He crosses his arms and leans against the wall, like he hasn’t got a care in the world.

I tear a hand through my hair, trying to steady myself.

I could say any number of things right now, but none of them would come out right, and Baz would find a way to twist them around. The best thing to do is to not beat around the bush, to come right out and say the one thing I’ve been dying to say for months. The one thing that scares me more than anything else to say.

“I love you, Baz.”

There. I finally said it. I love him, and I’m so afraid that I’m about to lose him for good.

His whole body goes still, then he stands up straight, back going rigid. He could kill me now, and no one would be able to stop him. (It makes me miss the Anathema for a moment.)

“That isn’t funny,” he sneers, and he sounds angry, scary angry now that he’s finally let the cold mask fall away.

“I wasn’t joking,” I tell him, resisting the urge to back away as he stalks toward me. “I mean it. I’m in love with you.”

“Why now?” He asks. He stops moving once he’s just a couple of feet away from me..

“What do you mean?”

“Why did you wait until now to tell me? We’ve been fake engaged for months. Why did you wait so long to try to talk to me?”

“Because I was afraid.” As long as I’m being honest about how I feel, I decide to tell him the truth about everything. “I thought you could never feel the same. I was supposed to break up with you back at Watford, but I couldn’t because it felt too real. I couldn’t end this thing between us, even though it was fake, because I had fallen for you, and I didn’t want to let you go. But I was so worried that you wouldn’t feel the same.”

“And now, you think I do?”

“I hope you do,” I say earnestly. “That’s all I have. Hope.”

“Hope that what? I’ll want to be with you?” He takes another step forward. I continue to stand my ground, waiting for him to hit me, either with his fist or a spell.

“Yes. I thought that maybe we could give this a real chance.”

“Really, Snow? Who’s to say that I haven’t moved on from you? Who’s to say that finding out what it’s like to actually date you didn’t make me realize that it wasn’t something that I wanted?”

I feel like I’m going to crumble to pieces at those words. He’s even gone back to calling me Snow, which shouldn’t hurt so much, but it does. It’s like there’s a wall between us again.

Was I really such a terrible boyfriend that it would make him not have feelings for me anymore? (If he ever really did.)

I thought that he liked what was happening with us, but maybe I was wrong. Maybe he’s just that great of an actor and was only playing the game.

I was wrong to get my hopes up, and I wish that I hadn’t agreed to doing this.

I have to get out of here. I can’t let Baz have the satisfaction of seeing me falling apart.

 Baz

The look on Simon’s face when I say those words nearly breaks my resolve.

I don’t mean any of it, but I want him to hurt the way that I have.

What makes him think that he can just apologize, and everything will be okay? We’ve been doing this thing for months, and all of a sudden, he wants to make it real?

I realize that I’m putting all the blame on him, and that isn’t fair.

This is just as much my fault as it is his. I let it go on like this, too. I should have just come out and told him how I really felt a long time ago. I should have done it the night before he proposed.

Then maybe we could have spent all of these months dating for real, instead of tiptoeing around each other, trying to hide our true feelings for each other.

Simon looks like he’s about to bail, and I can’t let that happen. I might be angry, but I don’t want to let him get away again.

No matter how upset I am, I can’t let this opportunity slip away.

Here he is, offering me everything that I’ve ever wanted from him, and instead of being happy about it, I’m pushing him away with every cruel thing that I can think of to say.

“Okay,” he murmurs. “I’m sorry. I-I’ll just go.”

He turns away from me and steps towards the door, but I can’t let him go. I can’t let it end like this.

“Simon, wait.”

I reach out to grab his arm, and for a moment, I’m sure that he’s going to keep wrench his arm out of my grasp and keep walking, but then he freezes.

 Simon

I want to walk out, be done with all of this, but I can’t.

Even if there is the slightest bit of hope that I could have something real with Baz, I have to try. I can’t let him go.

I slowly turn to face him, and he drops his hand.

“Why now?” He asks, his voice lacking the anger and distaste that it held a moment ago when he was telling me that he could be over me.

“Why do you keep asking that?”

“Because you let it go on like that for so long. How am I supposed to know for sure that this time it’s real?”

“No. You don’t get to put all of the blame on me. You were just as much a part of everything as I was. You could have told me that you wanted it to be real a long time ago too.”

“You wanted to end it. You never acted like it was anything more than a competition.”

“Because I didn’t know how you felt. You’ve liked me for years, and still, you never said anything.”

“I’m going to kill Dev.”

“At least he told me the truth.”

“You proposed to me in front of the whole school.”

“And you were supposed to end it months ago.”

We are still arguing, but it doesn’t feel as heavy as it did a moment ago.

He asked me to stay. We just need to work through all of this, work through all of our doubts about each other.

“I didn’t want to. I wanted to be with you, Simon, don’t you see that? It killed me every day to pretend to be engaged to you, but I kept telling myself that it was better than nothing. And those things you said when you proposed...it killed me to know you didn’t mean any of it.”

“I meant every word of it. I know that it was a stupid thing to do, but I meant everything I’ve said to you. I don’t want to fight. I want to spend my life with you. I don’t want to lose you. Not like this. I want a real chance to show you that I’m a good boyfriend.”

“I don’t know if I can do that, Simon. I don’t know if I can risk you changing your mind.”

“I won’t change my mind,” I tell him, but he looks like he still doesn’t believe me. “Do you want to know why I finally snapped the other day? It was because you were planning this beautiful wedding, and I so badly wanted it to be our wedding. I wanted all of it, but it wasn’t real, so I had to put an end to it. Admittedly, I could have gone about it a bit differently, but I didn’t know how to tell you how I felt. But that’s what I’m doing now. I’m telling you that I’m in this for real.”

“Wait, are you asking me to date you? Or are you asking me to marry you?”

“Just date, for now. I think we need to start this whole thing over and do it all for real. I want to be your boyfriend, Baz.” And then maybe your husband, I add inside my head.

He’s silent for a long time, and I brace myself for the ‘no’ that I know is coming, but then he surprises me.

“Yes. I want to be your boyfriend, Simon.”

“I’ll still be a better boyfriend,” I say, smiling at him.                        

“Actually, I’m pretty sure that I won that one.” He takes a few, slow steps towards me, and it’s obvious he’s fighting back his own smile.

“Mm,” I hum. “I gave that to you. You didn’t actually win.”

“I suppose this is our do-over.”

“And we’ve got all the time that we need to do this.”

“I’ll win.”

“We’ll see about that.” I reach up to cup the side of his face, then let my hand slide farther back, my fingers slipping through his hair. “Why are we still fighting?” I whisper.

“It’s kind of our thing.”

“I think we need a better thing.”

“Oh yeah? Like what?”

“Like this.” Then, I kiss him, and it’s the first real kiss that we’ve shared during this whole year that we’ve spent together.

 Penny

“It worked!” Dev exclaims, walking into the room.

He had snuck back down the hall a couple of minutes ago to check up on Simon and Baz, make sure that they hadn’t decided to kill each other.

“We knew it would,” I say. “They just needed a bit of help getting there.”

Dev ignores me, striding across the room to Niall and kissing him, apparently caught up in the happiness of this moment.

“Ugh. Get a room.”

“This is our room,” Dev says before going back to kissing his boyfriend.

“Right. Well, I’m leaving now.”

“Goodbye,” Niall says cordially, tearing himself away from Dev long enough to wave goodbye.

I walk into the living room on my way to the door, and I find yet another couple making out.

Is this going to be life now? Watching other people kiss?

It makes me wish that my boyfriend lived closer.

I clear my throat and Simon and Baz jump apart, wearing matching goofy grins.

Simon turns to look at me, but Baz continues to stare at Simon with a sickeningly sweet expression.

“I’m leaving,” I say. “Simon, did you need a ride back to our flat, or are you good?”

He glances at Baz, and his grin widens as he says, “I’m good.”

“Alright, I’ll see you later then.”

He’s too busy staring at Baz to respond. They’ve already lost themselves in each other, and they haven’t even managed to find their way to somewhere more private.