#fclt

––––––––IT WAS ANOTHER argument. they couldn’t seem to find footing between the two to the point where when things got remotely intimate they weren’t arguing. he heavily sighed when he knew it would start, fingers pulling at his hair already.           ‘ what do you want from me, kit ? i’m trying, jesus fucking christ. i’m trying my best, i’ve done everything i can to figure this out, to not scare you away, for this to be okay. what else do you want me to do ? ’         it comes out snappier and harsher than he intends to, leaving him to take a step back.

––––––––––HE WAS AN open book. even if didn’t obviously mention what was going on in his head or his past, if you asked him, he was pretty direct about it. but he wasn’t forth coming, not quite often. he had found ways to hide little scars easily. hidden under the waist band of his shorts, and a scar that found itself on his upper back, hidden under the folds of his muscles, making them barely noticeable. so if you took a moment to sit and notice, to run your fingers over his skin and notice the small imperfections, they were obvious.            ‘ they’re from a fight. ’       he hummed, rather nonchalantly, when the other ran his fingers over his skin. even before he could ask, he answered. wasn’t willing to hear the other’s tone, scared there might be caution in it.           ‘ my dad and i didn’t get along. ’          that is all he offered unless kit asked for more. it was even to allow a conversation if needed, and end one if it was uncomfortable.

––––––––––HE DOESN’T GET it. he doesn’t get it and kind find himself understand where kit is even coming from. maybe that’s what’s making these conversations even harder for him to continue. he’s not even sure where kit has this idea from, so he doesn’t even know how to address it.          ‘ kit. i think you forget that i’ve known you. for a long time too. ’          he’s calm, trying to explain it clearly. he looks down at his hands, playing with a piece of skin that’s coming up, hoping not to get to worked up.          ‘ i didn’t just wake up one day thinking you’re a good person. i didn’t just wake up one day and like you. i’ve known you for a long time. spent a long time getting to know you and ... just learning things about you. think you’re a good person after all that you’ve been through. you’ve grown into being a good person. you’ve grown up. ’           he softly sighs before looking up.         ‘ i just wished you realized that who you think of yourself as is not who you really are. not how the world , and definitely not how i see you. wish you’d give yourself a break on this one. ’           one day he’ll learn what the right thing to say is. the right thing that’ll bring kit to the mindset he has about him. but until then , he’ll do his best to just keep trying.

––––––––––LIPS PRESSED AGAINST the other’s neck as he held them close to his chest. their declaration, which in some ways had helped their friendship, was one that felt hard to pursue. no feelings, they had claimed. no feelings while they grow closer. no feelings as they slept with one another. no feelings because it would be too messy and neither of them could seem to afford to be invested in something that could be too painful. so instead, they’re sitting on his couch, his arms wrapped around the other, their bodies tucked under a too big blanket as he peppers the other’s skin with kisses as they watch some shitty netflix movie.          ‘ never understood why you like these movies. ’         he hums against their skin, his eyes not on the screen above but how the other reacts. 

matthew : had this moment today where all i could think about was how much i love you matthew : just really wish you’d feel the same

–––––––––––FINGERS PULLED KIT in closer to his chest, his arms squeezing around him. if he could, he would forever stay in this position with kit, never moving. and although they had things to do, lives to live, the bed and kit’s company was much more enticing than anything else.              ‘ of course. ’        he murmurs, readjusts himself on the bed, pulling the comforters around them, resting his cheek against the top of his head.              ‘ honestly, want to spend all day like this. ’            it was funny. funny how quickly he became soft around kit. he couldn’t say he never felt this way around him, no. but rather, when they started dating, matthew became soft, it was almost disgusting. many of his thoughts, many of his daily actions revolved around kit, something that made him maybe a little too happy.            ‘ i love you. ’

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