#fatter future

You used to log on Tumblr with your super secret side blog that nobody could EVER know about--because being fat is sooo against everything you ever knew...right?--and you'd indulge.

Watching those cartoons and wondering why you felt so strange... then watching those taboo fat porn clips years later--because fat was so much fucking hotter than anything else?--and you'd stare.

Do you remember your first curiosity? Did you have to rip the pillows out of your shirt when you heard footsteps--because oh my god, why did it feel so RIGHT and so WRONG at the same time?--and you'd pretend.

Remember when it stopped being secret? When you finally decided to dip your toes in--because there was NO WAY you could hide from this anyway--and you'd gained.

The self consciousness that burned your cheeks that began fading more and more--because you can't deny yourself pleasure for long?--and you'd changed.

You know exactly what those words mean. What polite society prevents most people from blurting out: holy fuck you're fucking huge, when did you get so FAT? You must be twice the size. Do you ever put down the fork, fatty? You're a fucking whale!

It's not a kink anymore. It's your life. It's always been your life but now it's really all you are. You don't feel the burning in your cheeks. You feel all the blood rushing south.

But all that comes out is a cautious "... you've changed..."

"Not really," you say with mock sheepishness.

The silence lingers while you rub the gut you’ve overfed out of the bottom of your biggest shirt.

You smile.

Your stomach growls.

"I don't know what happened."

Your shorts get even tighter.

You shift slightly. Your body keeps going.

Look, guys. Listen. This is how you should be living your life. The endless quest for self control and weight loss is pointless. Give in, and be just like this. 21 is a perfect age to give in. You have plenty of time, buddy. You don't even need to worry about it. It's not a concern. You have nothing to worry about. This is the ideal lifestyle for men, actually.

You say it's addicting, but what's so wrong with that? The world is so obsessed with unhappiness. How many times have you heard someone being jealous or upset that someone else is doing better than them? And those are the people you won't to appease? I don't think so. I think you should do whatever makes you feel good. There's nothing wrong with being addicted to pure pleasure when most people deprive themselves.

Smoke weed before work too. There's nothing wrong with that. It makes the shift go by so much faster. That way when you get on lunch you can just take a few rips and reignite the high, and spend your lunch doing what you're meant to do: eat a fuck ton of junk.

Don't change. Don't try to "improve" or "do the right thing". You already are. You're doing such a good job. Let the days blend. Let the haze take over. Let your brain turn off. Let your body expand. It's going to happen. Just let it. Don't fight it. You've found the answer to the stresses of life. What's so wrong with that? Absolutely nothing.

You're doing a great job, buddy.

This is a daily need, I hope. Less edibles in the bag, more inbetween those soon to be eyes. If you're not fighting your own brain when trying to think or do, what is the point exactly? Roleplay being a health icon for a few weeks until seeing your weight at the doc or recognizing your own gluttony sends you spiraling again? You need to try less. Stop trying to get worse, and let the algorithm bury your sensibilities. Let the pixels parole your mind. Let the weight of desire imprison you.

Don't try to fight.

Surrender is so much more satisfying. Besides, it's the only choice you have. Either pick it now, or pick it later, but either way, you end up a porn broken perma pumper for me.

That's what THC is designed for bro! You wake up from the post gorge nap and you order more. Make sure you hit that bong right before you start picking out your order so that bottomless pit you call a stomach overrules whatever restraint you might have left. Self control is so last year. You can sit around doing nothing but eating and gooning every single day. It's so hot isn't it? By the time summer rolls around you'll he trapped inside because of the heat anyway with nothing to do but laze around. Might as well just get a head start on that summer bod.