(Picture is of Zombie Wolverine but that’s irrelevant, I saw the picture and it made me tingle so you get this. Also I don’t wanna hear shit about “He can’t gain weight because of XYZ” he’s been fat like thrice)

🥓

- After retiring from the X Men for good this time, Logan settled down in a cabin in the forest. Same old story but it’s secluded and there’s no one to bother him and that’s what he likes. Charles fortunately gave him a hefty retirement fund, because he should after all he put the team through, especially Logan.

- Town is about a half hour drive but he barely shows his face other than to make a weekly grocery run or to go to the bar for a drink when he feels like it but he mostly drinks at home.

- The weight gain is slow at first. He’s still semi active, goes out and gets firewood, takes walks, goes for runs.

- Then some of the local aunties (meaning older women in the community not literal aunties) start to take notice of him when he comes to town. They know he’s not married, they watch him at the grocery store and he gets the same sorry TV dinners and a twelve pack of beer, so they try to welcome Logan into the community.

- He declines their offers at first but soon he’s getting approached by different women in the street, and they’re handing him huge Tupperware containers filled with different dishes and he’s basically strong armed into taking each one home.

- Logan doesn’t waste food. It’s a pet peeve of his and he’ll feel bad if these people make him all of this food and it just goes to waste so he ends up eating multiple meals a day just to get through them and they all smell so good, he can smell almost every ingredient working together in flavor harmony and sometimes he just can’t resist.

- He starts getting soft. Physically and emotionally, towards the community at least. He starts socializing more and he feels bad because he thinks they’re going to turn their backs on him once they find out that he’s a mutant but the opposite happens.

- One day, a gang from outside the community starts causing trouble and wrecking stuff, and even vandalizes a store belonging to one of the kind women that makes food specially for him and Logan’s claws come out and the gang is ran off. Logan gets ready to start packing and relocating but the community actually thanks him and shows gratitude towards him, begging him to let them repay him, which Logan tries to rebuff. He doesn’t want payment or anything.

- So how else do they show their gratitude towards him ? By making him more food. So much that it barely fits in his fridge, so he has to eat some of it in order to make room for most of it.

- And it takes five slabs of ribs, two pot roasts, a plate of fried pork chops, chicken cooked fifteen different ways and so many sides that it’ll make your heads spin but the weight starts sticking.

- Then he actually starts going to all the different banquets and cookouts and bbq’s the community throws and it starts sticking even more. People start having cookouts just to see if they can get Logan to come by so they can talk. He even finds out that a lot of people in town actually brew their own beer so he’s constantly being asked to try new and different brews. They value his opinion and love his brutal honesty and his advice on what they should change in their brewing methods and if he favors it high enough he’ll even find himself coming home with crates full of homemade beer (which also leads to the town throwing an annual festival where everyone comes together to see who has the best brew and Logan becomes the judge)

- It takes a few years but Logan eventually ends up with a nice round potbelly and then a full fledged hairy gut. It bothers him at first because he has to go and buy new clothes, his belts dont buckle anymore and when they do it feels like he’s being hugged slightly too tight and of course the thoughts and nightmares of the team finding him, seeing how he “let himself go” and ridiculing him and he doesn’t even think about fitting into his old suit. But he learns to embrace it whenever he has these thoughts. Sure, is it a little flustering when people of the community jokingly rub his belly for “good luck” ? It is and old Logan probably would have broken someone’s hands for saying and doing that to him but he knows how to take a joke now and even plays along about how rubbing his belly will only bring bad luck

- Which eventually happens when for some convoluted reason the team has to get back together. They track Logan down and his new figure is indeed a surprise to them. Gambit immediately starts cracking some fat jokes and laughing because it’s just so funny to him. He’ll try to touch Logan’s belly asking when the baby’s due and if it’s a boy or a girl and even a “We came down here to find Wolverine but Gambit thinks dat dis fella out here ate him ! Looks like Wolverine is tryna give ol’ blob a run for his money” and yes, Morph makes jokes too, shape shifting into Wolverine’s old figure before shifting into his current figure because they just don’t understand and keep shifting “See ? Fit, Fat. Fit, Fat. Before. After.” and Logan growls and releases his claws and they eventually get the message but will still make the occasional crack.

- Scott starts lecturing immediately. “How could you let yourself go like this ?!? We need you and you’re out here gorging yourself like a pig ? Can you even fit into your suit anymore ? Seriously Logan why would you do this to yourself blah blah blah”

- Storm, Rogue and Jean eventually get all of them to back off of him and stop commenting on his weight, which Logan is thankful for. Storm even compliments him and says the weight looks good on him and he looks happier, healthier, but to not let it get too out of control and that he should keep up with some work outs and if he wanted he could come to the mansion and use the danger room, not to chastise him or lecture him but it comes from a place of concern and she wouldn’t mind seeing Logan now and again, maybe more frequently because she, like the rest of the team, secretly misses him.

- Even if Logan does go, it’s not as if he’s suddenly weak just because he’s gained weight. He can still handle himself very well much to the surprise of the others but if he doesn’t join them, they can fair well enough without him, they just wanted the extra help and for him to be part of the team again. They still encourage him to visit the mansion or let them visit him. And some of them (not naming names but you can guess) actually secretly like Logan’s new bod.