#fat!thor

You couldn’t deny though, a part of you was anxious to see him now. Since the final face off between from what you’d heard, was every possible Avenger in existence against Thanos’ mass, not much was said about Thor. He disappeared after their victory, before you’d even spared the second to utter his name. Surely, he couldn’t have forgotten about you? 

“You’ll see for yourself, Y/N… It’s been rough for him.” 

That was as much as you’d gotten out of anybody, since you’d reunited with the heroic majority: your father, Tony Stark, tried to convince you otherwise, that it was best to just wait it out, to give him some time to rest, at least. 

“Not everyone that passed, came back, sweetheart…And you out of anybody, knows just how much Thor has lost.” 

Much like a hard pill to swallow, it was the truth.. And as selfish as it may have seemed from your part, you were too stubborn to agree to his terms. You needed to see him, it had already been 5 brutally long years, waiting any more would have been the absolute death of you. 

And so there you stood, your feet firmly planted to the ground, the steady depths of your breathing felt heavier by the second, accompanied by your pounding heartbeats. The partially broken, chipped wooden door was the only tangible thing that stood between: staring any longer at its frame was no help at all. 

“You got this, kiddo. Just rip it like a band-aid,” Tony’s familiar, reassuring voice yelled from the rough road behind, your head snapping to his direction, you were only able to return his words with a half-hearted smile …God, how you’d missed him though. 

Nonetheless, it was now or never. Gradually, you felt the sensation of your steps, beginning to pick its pace as the frame of the unkept door, became closer in view. You hadn’t even stopped to knock, you felt no need to, walking straight in, only to be hit by the densely stale air. 

Alcohol, its scent was thick and evident in each breath you’d inhaled, triggering the same daunting feeling to return, that Tony had just mere seconds ago had extinguished. 

“Thor,” You anxiously called out into empty hallway, hoping for the very least, that your voice would reignite some hope in him. 

Nothing. 

“Thor, sweetheart…” 

One step closer into the house, you turned to give Tony one last glance, before desperately trying to scan the hallway before your for any slight movement. The room to your right, small and beyond clean was as vacant as the hallway. You felt as though your natural senses had heightened: your eyes wide, trying to thoroughly scan each room for that familiar face. You’d held your breath from time to time, attempting to pick up the sound of breathing that was none other than yours. 

Nothing. 

With each passing minute, you were convinced there was some sort of a mistake. It felt like this home hadn’t been occupied since the snap, and yet this was were Tony insisted he’d be. 

“Th-Thor, please…” 

The unwanted feeling began to creep up in your mind: the sheer thought, that Thor deliberately chose to leave, not wanting to even hear of you again was frustrating, yet even more so, it was agonising. You could feel the hot tears swelling in your eyes, as the pieces of his absence began to persuade you that this was the ultimate truth. He just didn’t want to see you, and for what reason? 

The sudden clashing of pots from what you’d assumed to be was the kitchen, immediately yanked you from your thoughts, and you ran towards it… And there he stood, in all his might, was Thor. 

“Thor, sweetheart, I called for you… I called for you, why didn’t you answer?” 

For the most part, he looked petrified, and yet still it seemed as though he was longing for you: catching him rocking back and forth in between his movements, of wanting to get closer and wanting to leave. 

You took slow steps forward, not wanting to frighten him. 

“Thor-”

“I couldn’t- I just didn't want you to see me in this state.” 

It was true… From what you had heard, the future had not been kind to Thor, and it showed. His hair had grown out completely, becoming tangled throughout the years, along with his rugged, overgrown beard. It seemed the scent of alcohol manifesting the air was no coincidence either: as you stopped in your tracks, tearing your view from Thor, quickly scanning the vicinity of the room, you’d notice the numerous amounts of empty beer bottles and cans, pizza boxes and packets of junk-food that occupied the space. That explained all the empty barrels you’d seen on the drive up… There was too many for you to have counted, and that put it into much greater perspective. 

Thor was not coping.  

“Babe, it’s alright, I-”

“No…It isn’t, can’t you see what’s happened, what I’ve become. Take a long, hard look, Y/N!” 

You could sense the anger radiating from his words, his tone was rawly aggressive: it shocked you, though not enough to cause you to leave him in peace. 

“And? It’s alright, Thor…I know, I know about it all, what you’ve been through, what you’ve seen and lost along the way. We all have a rough patches, some last longer than others…But I’m here now, just please-” 

His eyes began to swell just as yours did, yet he’d held himself back from shredding a tear. As you’d taken your final step towards him, there he stood, tall yet covered in layers of clothings, it was visible that he’d gained a few pounds over the years. Had this changed your feeling towards him? 

Absolutely not. 

“Thor, please… Just be with me.” 

Gently, your hand reached up over towards his face: the instant your palm tenderly cupped his cheek, he rested his face against yours, eyes shut, as his own hands travelled up to grip yours. They’d become even more rough, from all the fighting over the years, and yet, you hadn’t mind. This was what you’d wanted: you’d wanted him.

He’d missed you terribly… The moment, he’d heard that you were amongst the many victims of those gone with the snap, was the precise moment he knew he’d lost it all. It was a dark time for him since then on, one that he’d wished never to reminisce again, and one that he hadn’t taken so lightly…

“I can’t… Not like this, I can’t do that to you. I’d be too much of a burden, and that’s the least I’d want for you, Y/N.” 

Your heart broken, shattering with each word he’d spoken, you felt the tears slowly streaming past your cheeks, as you’d looked down trying to compose yourself. Your hand still in his, you felt his lips firmly press against its back. You didn’t want him to leave, you couldn’t. 

“I’ll help you, it’s what I want! I want to be with you, Thor… Isn’t that enough to make you stay? You can’t just leave, I won’t let you-”

“But look at me.You may not realise it yet, Y/N, but you’ll regret this. You’ll regret the day you ever accepted me, the drunken, fat fool that I’ve become back into your life, and I can’t let you live like that. I wouldn’t be able live for tomorrow, knowing each day, I’m the reason for your miserable life.” 

It tore you…This tore you, seeing just how much Thor had grown to loathe himself, thinking that distancing himself was the remedy everybody needed. It wasn’t right, it could never be.

“Never-”

Smiling up at him, his hands travelled past yours, now cupping your face: one thumb gently grazing your tender cheek, the other pushing back a strand of hair behind your ear, it was then that you’d noticed him smile in return. Tightly gripping his thick, covered wrists, you’d felt the longing to just hold on, not wanting to let go anytime soon… You’d missed this warm feeling. 

“I’d rather snap back into an abyss, than let you leave thinking I could ever regret choosing you.”