#fanderspridemeetup2019

"Roman helped me with the design, I made the digital model and then worked with a couple of different professionals to actually make it"

 Virgil's voice sounded far away and Patton couldn't pry his eyes off the ring in his hands; still unable to believe his eyes as he shifted the ring so it resembled an astronomical sphere. The metal was covered in intricately designed carvings on the outer ring, while the inner rings had numbers and letters that he wasn't quite able to make out through his watery eyes.

 "What does it say?" Patton sniffed, handing the ring back to Virgil before reaching for the tissue Roman was offering him.

"It's nothing that important," Virgil shrugged as he carefully placed the ring back in its case. "They just represent places and dates."

"Don't act so modest," Roman whined and placed his arm around Patton and gestured grandly. "This emo in disguise made a whole code to record the time and date of firsts. We're talking first date, first hug, first kiss, first cuddle party."

Roman winked at Virgil as the young man shot him an annoyed look. Patton giggled and wiped away fresh tears; filled with pride at the effort Virgil had put into the ring.

"I'm absolutely positive that Logan will love it." Patton detangled himself from Roman and pulled out his phone to check his calendar. "So, when are you going to ask him? I need to make sure I'm not working so we can mee-"

"I'm not doing it publicly."

Patton's heart dropped slightly and Virgil shoved his hands deep into his jacket pockets as he saw the hurt enter his friends eyes.

"It's nothing personal, Pat. But..." Virgil took a deep breath before looking back up to meet Patton's baby blue eyes. "You know how Logan feels about public displays of affection and, lets be honest, I do not like drawing attention to myself."

"Don't worry, Patty-Bear," Roman grabbed Patton's hand and gave it a squeeze. "I helped Virgil plan this whole thing out. Picture it," Roman gestured wildly as his hands painted an imaginary image in the space in front of him. "Discovery channel playing on the TV; the two lovers have just finished Virgil's special Pasta Surprise; a batch of your Crofter's muffins, that we just dropped off, are warming in the oven. Then, Virgil CLIMBS onto the table and professes his love for the Book Worm..."

"Roman, no. Stop." Virgil's pleas were drowned out as his dramatic friend got increasingly louder and Patton giggled.

"... Virgil presents him with the ring of a life time and OF COURSE Logan has no other option but to accept. The black eyed romantic leaps off the table, with a spectacular super hero landing, and opens his arms to his lover who leaps into them..."

"Size difference makes that impossible." Virgil had his arms folded, suppressing a smile as Roman scooped Patton into his arms.

"... The victorious Prince of Nightmares carries his fiancé to their room, where they engage in intense s-"

"ROMAN!" Patton's voice and sudden stern look, silences Roman in his tracks. "Now, you know how Virgil feels about that talk."

Virgil shifted uncomfortably on his feet; reminded that his and Logan's views on romance and love were different to the general worlds view.

Roman made an offended noise and carefully set Patton back on his feet. "I am offended that you would judge me so. I was going to say snuggling, obviously." Roman pouted, folding his arms to emulate Virgil's own stance. "I'm not that insensitive. I understand my friends sexuality. You shredded my heart with that remark."

 Virgil sighed loudly and moved to put his arms around his two friends, shaking his head.

"I have no idea why I keep you two around."

"Because you love us," Patton teased and gave Virgil a quick peck on the cheek, causing them both to blush.

"Ok, ok, that will do." Roman moved to drape his arms over Patton's shoulders and pulled him away jokingly from Virgil. "You've already go your man. Stop pulling mine to the dark side."

"What can I say, Princey," Virgil smiled and winked at Patton, "I'm just irresistible."

 Patton lent heavily against Roman, pretending to faint. "Hurry, Ro! Take me away from here. His powers are too great for me to resist."

Scooping him up with ease, Roman carried Patton towards the door of the apartment.

"Fear not, my love. I shall save you." Looking over his shoulder Roman gave Virgil an encouraging smile. "Farewell, Sir Virgil. Until we meet again."

Patton blew Virgil a kiss before snuggling back into Roman's hold as the two left. As soon as the door was shut, Virgil set to work arranging the apartment and preparing for Logan's arrival.

 **************

 "Why didn't you tell me about Virgil's plans sooner?" Patton questioned, as the two drove back to their own place on the other side of town.

"Because we knew you wouldn't be able to keep it a secret. I love you, but you have no poker face what-so-ever."

Glancing briefly away from the road, Roman watched Patton open his mouth to argue before closing it and pouting. He knew the other too well, and neither could deny that there was no way in the world Patton would have survived the 6 months of planning. His heart was made of gold, but he couldn't keep a secret no matter how hard he tried.

 **************

 The scent of Virgil's Pasta Surprise greeted Logan as he entered the apartment and the weight of his day of work melted away. Coming down the small hall, their dinning table was all set for dinner and an animal documentary was playing on the TV. Virgil was no where in sight.

"Virge! I'm home!"

When no reply came, Logan placed his bag in the cupboard under the stairs and stepped into the kitchen to give dinner a quick stir on the stove. The low simmer was keeping the meal warm without signs of burning, but it was unlike Virgil to leave the kitchen unattended. There were so many potential dangers to leaving any kitchen appliance unsupervised, and as a result Virgil was generally very vigilant about keeping the kitchen under watch. 

"Virgil?" Logan called out again, a pang of worry in his stomach.

Working to remain calm, Logan ascended the stairs and scanned the study and bathroom before entering their bedroom. The house was utterly spotless; not a single item was out of place.

"Clearly Virgil spent his afternoon cleaning. So what could have possibly happened to him?"

 Logan froze as he heard a slight whimper. He breathed a sigh of relief at the sound, as he slowly moved over to the wardrobe door. Past experience had proved it to be a space Virgil retreated to when he was anxious about something. Logan quietly removed his jacket and shoes before opening the door; dropping down to crawl beneath the waterfall of hanging clothing and sitting next to his partner.

Virgil’s hoodie was pulled over his head, which rested on his curled up knees. Some would say it was a very childlike position, but for Virgil it was how he was most comfortable. No words were exchanged as Logan got comfortable; sitting close enough for Virgil to sense him without establishing physical contact. Reaching behind a small shoe rack, Logan produced a box of tissues and set it next to him before leaning back and waiting for Virgil to make his move.

By Logan's count, it was only 20 seconds before the black figure moved and lent against his shoulder. He handed Virgil a tissue and waited patiently, listening to the steadying breaths of the person he loved.

"Work or other?" Logan whispered as he gently encouraged Virgil to lay on his lap.

"Other." Virgil's voice was strained from crying; clearly he had been upset for a while.

"In your control or outside of it?" Pushing the hood back, Logan began fidgeting with Virgil's hair and kept his eyes straight ahead to avoid causing him further anxiety.

"A bit of both."

"Does it have anything to do with why the house is so clean?"

Virgil nodded and squeezed his eyes shut tight, begging the tears to stop. This wasn't what he and Roman had planned. Having a breakdown in the wardrobe was not on the list of romantic things to do that night.

 "Dinner smelt lovely when I got in the door." Virgil stiffened as Logan spoke; he had completely forgotten about the food on the stove. "No harm done. As per usual, you set it at the perfect temperature to avoid any burning."

Sitting up, Virgil grabbed a fresh tissue to wipe his eyes; giving Logan the full view of his glittery, black  streaked face. It became obvious that Virgil had planned something special for the night. He only ever pulled out the glittery, black eyeshadow for special occasions. Logan started compiling a mental list of possible announcements - a promotion at his work; an apprenticeship at the tech-company he had been trying to get into; perhaps he finally tracked down his missing Mother.

 "I should really go and finish dinner. I should never have left it alone." As Virgil stood, Logan reached up and grabbed his hand; anchoring him inside the wardrobe while he got to his feet.

"Dinner can wait, but I can not."

Logan dropped his hand and Virgil looked at him in confusion, "You can not wait for what?"

"For you to tell me what is going on." Virgil looked at the ground and whispered, "I can't. Not now. It ... It wasn't meant to be like this."

"Let me guess," Logan pulled Virgil into an embrace, and the other locked his arms tightly around Logan's middle as they slowly swayed to imaginary music. "You made a big plan to tell me something. Roman obviously had some kind of hand in it. You had the perfect vision for how the evening would go." Virgil nodded, his head leaning against his shoulder. "But something didn't quite work. You forgot an element and it seemed the whole night was going to be a disaster."

"It's like you can read my mind."

"Not at all. It is almost like I love you so much, that I have learnt exactly how your mind works." Virgil looked up at Logan to make a self-deprecating comment, but Logan continued; silencing the thought. "I love you so much, that I have learnt to read you like a book. I know what you love. I know what you hate. I know what makes you happy and what keeps you up at night. I love every part of you. The part that smiles. The part worries about how everyone else is feeling. I even love the part of you that wants to hide in a wardrobe. I wouldn't be here if I didn't love every part of you. So, trust me when I say, there is nothing I wouldn't do for you."

Virgil knew he was breathing, but he swore every organ in his body shut down. His heart swelled as he looked into Logan's brown eyes. They never faltered. He didn't look cross, upset or annoyed. He saw no pity or regret in them. The only emotions Virgil could find were love, admiration and caring. Logan never judged him. Never tired of pulling him out of his dark places. How was it even possible? The confident scientist and teacher, and the anxious wannabe. How were they even together?

 "So, are you ready to tell me?"

The quiet and comforting voice pulled Virgil back to the present. He never took his eyes off Logan as he reached into his jacket pocket, fingers silently prying open the box containing the ring.

"This wasn't how I planned to do this?"

"Perhaps a better way of seeing it, is that this is your way and the other way was Roman's."

Virgil laughed, "Actually, Roman's way was way more uncomfortable."

Logan's mind raced, still tossing up what Virgil was so anxious about telling him. He decided that the most logical option was to do with his family, which is why Virgil's next action left him stunned.

 "6 months ago we were laying in bed and you pulled me into your arms and said you would one day buy me a star. When I asked why, you said it was the only thing you could think of that would prove just how much you loved me. Honestly, I hated the idea. Not because I didn't appreciate the sentiment, partially because I didn't think I deserved it, but also because I thought I wouldn't be able to top that level of dedication."

Virgil pulled the metal sphere out of his pocket and looked down at it with a smile.

"Turns out, I think I can top a star. I want to give you the whole universe, Logan. Right in your hand." Virgil looked up and watched Logan's eyes widen as his fingers shifted the sphere into a flat ring. "Logan Berrin, will you marry me?"

 Jokes had always been made that Logan had no emotion. He use to joke about it himself. It was all a defence mechanism of course; school had been rather unkind to him prior to meeting Patton and Roman. He never would have expected that the person to crack his emotional walls would be Virgil. Quiet and reserved, Virgil. Accepting and trustworthy, Virgil. The black eyed boy who had served coffee in the old library. Virgil Sanders.

 Virgil anxiously fidgeted the ring back into a sphere, head slowly dropping as the silence extended. Then he saw it. The tears welling in Logan's eyes and the emotion rolling over his face as if someone had just hit play on his emotions.

Snapping the sphere back into a ring, Virgil held it out to Logan.

"So, Lo, will you marry me?"

"There is no fucking way I would ever say no."

 The kiss that followed was nothing like either of them had experienced before. Tears of joy streaked their faces, and eventually they separated long enough for Virgil to slip the ring onto Logan's finger before embracing again. They would have stayed in the wardrobe longer, had it not been for Virgil's stomach grumbling. Logan couldn't help but laugh as Virgil blushed and apologised for spoiling the moment.

"Well it's a good thing my fiancé already cooked dinner." Logan held his hand out to Virgil, "Care to join me downstairs?"

"Absolutely."

_____________________

What else have I done:

You Promised (oneshot - prinxiety angst/injury/near death) 

Sides of a Hero (Completed Fic - sides are fusions of impulses and aspects of Thomas. Virgil has a depressing past that he is forced to face thanks to Deceit and Rage. Was canon compliant at the time of completion)

Libraries are for Meetings (ongoing WIP - Human/University au with Royality and developing Analogical. Slow burn and heavily focused on a grieving group of friends that Virgil slowly becomes a part of to better himself.)

The Shield to your Sword (WIP - A fantasy/magic au - Prinxiety (Royal Roman and orphan Virgil - they’ll admit to their love eventually), Virgil angst, non binary, healer Logan, *spoiler* Patton) 

I was short. I was round. I was quiet. I lacked talent. I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t good at anything.

She had a boyfriend. I hated him. He wasn’t good enough. Did he care for her? Would he protect her? He never stopped me from hurting him, so clearly, he wasn’t going to protect her. I was happy when he left.

I’m not gay.

New friends. They are nice, but I still think of her. I still do everything for her. Others are in relationships that I don’t understand. Why are they kissing right now? Do they really need to do that every day? Can’t we all just sit here and talk without you stopping every 5 minutes to kiss or touch?

These are normal thoughts, right?

I am late to school to hang out with her. I get up early but switch to the late bus just to be with her. I don’t want to go to school alone. It’s ok. I just have to run up to the third floor to drop off my things, run back down and to the other side of the school to get to class. That’s the only downfall. My teacher is always angry, but it’s worth it for her. She would do it for me, right? …… No, she wouldn’t.

I’m not gay.

She tells me a guy likes her. I kind of like him too, even though it’s weird how much he kissed his last girlfriend. We say he is off limits. We say it’s wrong because he just broke our friend’s heart. But you broke my heart by deciding to date him. You hurt me. I still adore you though.

I’m not gay.

This is the second boy I’ve watched you date. The first one was weak. I test this one. I hurt him with jokes and tricks. He fights back, so I guess that means he is strong enough to protect you. I guess it’s ok you date him. He is a good friend. He and I get close, but I still feel lost without you. Why aren’t I good enough? I do so much, and you still don’t see me.

I’m not gay.

I get judged for not dating. I do try a little. I meet up and message an old friend. He is not like me though. Our worlds and values are too different. It wouldn’t work. I didn’t trust him. He wasn’t for me. Where is my teenage romance? This isn’t like the books or movies. I’m leaving school single.

I am straight.

I’m meeting new people, but the old friends remain. I’m loving her less now… the feeling almost gone. She isn’t good enough for me. She doesn’t deserve me. I meet a new friend and she is amazing. The feeling is different. She respects me and I respect her.

But I’m not gay.

A boy asks me out. I pour out my heart. Is this the beginning of my romance? No. He was only interested in things. I couldn’t give him everything. He said he liked me before the weekend, but after the weekend he was with someone else. Why would he do that? He said he liked me.

What is wrong with me?

My new friend is filling me with knowledge. She is so strong. Her friends judge me for being innocent, but she doesn’t. She defends me. She makes me feel valid. She teaches me about the LGBT community that she knows. It’s not a scary place.

I’m… I’m not gay.

The study sessions with her are the highlight of my life. Our hugs make me feel special. I respect her. She respects me. I look forward to the late nights at her house, that turn into mornings hiding from the world under blankets. She is straight. She likes boys.

Am I gay?

No. No. I don’t want to have sex with her. That means I’m not… I am straight. I am straight. I am straight.

I’m happy being single.

I’ll find a girl, person, guy soon.

I. AM. STRAIGHT.

I move away; she does too. We are so far away. My new roommates make me try Tinder. I don’t understand it. How do you know if you like someone just by looking at them?

I am judged.

I am wrong.

I am broken.

I get to see her again. It is like no time has passed. We talk for hours. I’m happy when it is just the two of us. Everyone else judges me. She never would.

But I’m not gay…..

I lock my heart down. Who needs love anyway? It only opens when I see her. I am lonely though. My co-workers are friendly, but the age gap makes connecting tough. How much longer until everything makes sense? I’m not lonely when I go back and visit her. When we get together, my heart is unlocked; but I lock it back up when we are apart.

I am straight.

New people come to town. Their age is closer to mine. They are nice. Yes, they laugh at my innocence, but it is not to judge. They teach me words and I think about the world she told me about.

What does it mean to be LGBT?

Time is passing. I am growing older. I pull down the wall a little. I start to think. I read a piece of fanfiction and suddenly the wall is cracked. Fanfiction. Of all things, it was fanfiction that got me to start connecting the dots. The way the character talks…It feels familiar.

Google Search: _________

.

.

.

There is so much more than I could ever have imagined. It’s not just four letters. Lesbian. Gay. Bisexual. Transgender. Queer. Intersex. Asexual. Pansexual. Bigender. Aromantic.

The list goes on.

The wall crumbles. I am raw. Blindness clearing. I review everything. Feelings. Thoughts. I see them in a new light. These thoughts are ok. These feelings are normal. Others have felt the same.

It takes time.

A lot of reading.

A lot of questioning.

I casually talk to others about the character in the fanfic and how they identify. I want to see what people think. I want to know if they think it is ok.

Getting answers was emotional. I kept it all inside. I processed everything. I was raw with my heart and mind so open.

I said my labels out loud.

“I’m not straight. I am a biromantic asexual.”

It felt strange to say. Wrong but right.

The internet knew first. Luckily, I don’t have many IRL friends online. Feeling safe, the words started slipping out.

“I’m asexual.” – that needed a lot of explaining.

“I’m a biromantic asexual.” – that needed even more explaining.

“I’m bi-ace.” “So, does that just mean you’re a bisexual?” “I guess, to put it simply, yes.”

I have been lucky. My parents have accepted me. The co-workers who I have told accept me. I am closer to the friends I have told.

I am ok with me.

There are still people to tell and I know not all of them will accept me…but if they don’t…I know who to turn to: my mum will say she loves me, my friends will say that they support me, and the communities I follow online will remind me to have pride 🏳️‍🌈.

So,

My name is *Snail🐌*. I use she/her pronouns, but I don’t mind them/they either. I’m 25 years young and still learning about myself. I’m a teacher, a beginning writer, and I identify as a biromantic asexual.

I am valid.

                                    ___________________________

“Woooooooooo~!” Patton cries, along with the rest of their group and the audience they pass by. Roman and Remy share a look, laughing.

“Wee-snaaaaaw~!” Roman cries, laughing at how pitchy their voice sounds. Not even five minutes in, Roman and Remy realized that they could no longer “woo” loudly since the T was changing their voice. Maybe in a year or two when it stopped, but for now?

“Wee-snaaawww~!” Remy crows, immediately cackling at the confused looks they received.

Roman unties the aro flag from around their shoulders, the fabric doing nothing to cool them off. Instead they hold it out in front of themselves, trying not to pay too much attention to the audience. The same thoughts that had been plaguing their mind for days come to the front of their brain. What if someone sees them carrying this flag and harasses them? What if they get pushed? Their chest is still healing, they can’t afford to get in a fight.

“Woooooo~!” Patton cries loudly right behind them, silencing their thoughts. Roman laughs shakily and looks around. They’ll be fine.

They aren’t alone anymore.

“I love your flag!!!”

Roman beams.

                                  _____________________________

When they reach the end of the line and everyone starts dispersing, Roman takes Remy’s hand to make sure they aren’t separated in the crowd. The two of them, along with Patton and his mom, find the nearest shade and settle down for a moment. Roman lays out their flag in the grass and bodily collapses on top of it, laying on their stomach. It’s only then that they remember that they’re in fact healing from top surgery, and ow that hurts, why did they do that?

Roman sits up with a pained hiss, a hand over their left pec where it feels like they just got punched. Yeah, they fucked up. In their defense, they were super tired, hot, and possibly dehydrated.

“You okay, babe?” Remy frowns at them, hunching over a little to look Roman in the eyes. Roman does their best to give Remy a reassuring smile. “I forgot I’m not supposed to lay on my stomach. I feel like I just got punched in the tit.” Remy gives a sympathetic hiss, their face scrunched up in pain. “You good though?”

“I don’t know, it hurts like a bitch.”

Paton frown from beside them. “Maybe you should check it?”

Roman looks around. Lift their shirt, in public, and take their binder off? Their heart beats a little faster, and they have to remind themselves that it’s fine. This is Pride, they don’t have boobs anymore, and this is a health concern. Roman nods, lifting their shirt and pulling the velcro aside to take off their binder.

Everything looks the same; almost-flat chest, tape covered stitches… Roman prods at their sensitive flesh. It seems kind of tough, but that’s probably just swelling, right? They pointedly ignore a passing girl going, “Oh, gross” and put their binder back on. After fixing their shirt, they smile at Remy and Patton. “It’s fine. Why don’t we head to the festival?”

                                     __________________________

“They’re blocking this entrance, too?” Roman grouses, starting to get really annoyed. And yeah, they get why people are protesting. The city had taken away their ban on uniformed cops at Pride and tons of people were pissed, but… “They do realize the only people they’re hurting by blocking all the entrances is their fellow LGBT, right? Like, we had no say in this shit, hell, I don’t want uniformed officers here either, but I still want to have fun.”

Remy nods at their side with a frown. “This is getting kinda redic. We’ve been walking around for twenty minutes now looking for an opening.”

Roman holds their hand out and Remy takes it without a second thought, letting Roman lead them through the crowd. The two keep walking, passing by a cop who was talking with some other people looking for an entrance. As soon as they round the corner, they see a large black woman dragging a knife back and forth over the zipties keeping the fence up around the festival. Roman slows to a stop, Remy at their side watching curiously. The ziptie snaps and the woman pulls at the fence, but it doesn’t move much. By this point, they’re starting to draw a bit of a crowd. Roman speaks up. “See that thing on the ground? You gotta pull the fence up- there you go.” They grin as she lifts the fence, freeing it from the stand and pushing it open. Roman rushes forward with Remy and the rest of the crowd, everyone spilling through the gap like water on a sinking ship.

Roman is practically giggling with glee, their steps almost like little hops with the sudden surge of excitement in their veins. They look back at Remy, who’s got a matching grin on their face. As they pass the metal storage crates and get closer to the festival they catch up to the woman, calling out a “Thank you!” and running off.

                                     ___________________________

Roman walks away from the stall pouting, dragging their feet.

“Not here either?” Remy asks, but pity and amusement in their eyes.

“No! You’d think one booth would have more flags than just- just the basic L-G-B-T! That’s so basic! What the hell!”

Remy pats their shoulder sympathetically. “Babe, we’ve been walking around for like… An hour. You’re hungry, you’re out of water, and your feet hurt, yeah?” Roman nods. “Then let’s get something to drink at least and then maybe we’ll go.” Roman sighs and nods again.

“Yeah, okay, let’s go.”

They’d gotten their drinks and walked around once more to make sure they saw everything, stopping at at least half the booths to spin their free-stuff wheels. Roman saw a girl walking around with an ace flag draped over her shoulders like a cape and their face lit up.

“I love your flag!!!”

                                    _____________________________

“So how did it go?” Roman’s mother’s voice flows from the speakers of their car. Roman grins. “It was pretty good. The parade was really fun, and I got some free stuff. Met some really cool people. There was a guy there dressed as gay Satan! It was so awesome, he was like, rainbow everything. I got some good pictures.”

Roman’s mother laughs. “I’m glad you had fun. I’ll see you at home?”

“Yeah mom, see you at home.” Roman smiles as they hang up, reflecting on their day. They had no idea what they’d been so worried about. No one had bothered them, or questioned why they were there. In fact, they weren’t the only aroace there!