#famous!tom

And just like that, he was right in front of me, signing the picture of him that I had printed out.

“Are you okay? I promise the movie will be good, don’t cry.” His playfulness and that little laugh along with it was like a wave of calmness and peace washed over my heart. He gave me a quick glance and a smile and I felt like I was the happiest girl alive.

Infinity War was amazing and I cried my eyes out at the end of it. I think everyone did.

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A few months later, it was time for comic con and I had managed to get both autograph and photo-op tickets. The same went with the panel tickets.

When it was my turn in line to take the picture I was pushed into the little area behind the curtain by a guard, and everything went by so quickly. But for me, everything was in slow-motion. I remember it all as if it was yesterday, although sometimes it feels like ages ago.

I made a copy of the picture and saved it in my drawer. Maybe I would meet him again and that was a great thing to give to him. He might throw it away, but I would go on with the thought that Tom would have something of mine. Something that he was a part of.

And he did get that picture. He got the picture about a year later when he was doing the FanX panel. I wished he wasn’t wearing the hat so I could see his hair. Oh, how I imagined running my fingers through that soft hair while holding him close in my arms. Maybe give him a kiss on the cheek and quietly confess my love for him with a whisper close to his ear.

That day at the FanX photo-ops I got yet another picture with him and I felt the same joy as the last time. I had brought the framed picture with me with a note at the back of the picture, hidden in the frame.

“This is for you, there’s a note on the back of the picture, read it when you have the time,” I got the words out and handed him the picture with trembling hands.

“Thank you, darling, come here give me a hug,” I think my heart was about to explode and I don’t know how I could be so calm and collected on the outside while my insides were on fire. We took the picture and he gave me one last hug and one of those bright smiles of his that warmed my heart.

His laugh and how his eyes wrinkled at the sides were like a movie that one couldn’t get enough of. You just wanted to play it over and over and over again until you knew every frame of the movie like the back of your hand. He was like a movie based on a book that one couldn’t get enough of, the kind that you would watch the movie and then read the book back to back and still love it like it was the first time.

The tears in my eyes weren’t because of the sadness that he might never remember my face, they were because of how he was utterly and completely pure. His soul attracted me, to the point that I wanted to know everything about him, but through him, and not just the internet.

If someone asked me “would you rather have a conversation with him without any proof to the outside world that you had that conversation, or just have a picture with him” I would pick the conversation. I would choose to have a conversation with him and then afterward write down everything we said and read it all over again. As if I was writing my own book about him. With every ounce of his soul tinting the words written on the paper.

Don’t get me wrong, I was so thankful for the picture and those few moments I got with him. I will always be thankful for those moments.

I always thought that my love for him would never lose its strength and fire. But I couldn’t be more wrong.

Two months after the FanX panel, every tabloid was filled with headlines about Tom being seen with a mystery girl. She was gorgeous so I didn’t blame him for going out with her. She had light brown hair and a slim figure and she was about the same height as Tom himself. The pictures of them holding hands and being all cuddly were all over Tumblr and Twitter and Instagram and it was driving me insane.

I didn’t want to believe it. It was hard for me to believe it. After all, they could just be friends and Tom hadn’t said anything himself, until he did. A week later a video of him on BBC 1 radio was uploaded and the question about the mysterious brunette was brought up.

“At first I tried to ignore it all, but people were getting crazy and started sending her hate which I’m not happy about. Like, if you are a fan of mine you should be happy for my sake. So to answer your question, yes I am in a relationship with Madison and we have actually been dating for seven months. I am a really private person and this was the first time something like this happened and I thought that if I kept ignoring it, it would get worse. And I will continue to keep my private life private but it will probably be a bit easier, not having to hide.”

I watched that video twenty times and it hurt every single time.  

He had a girlfriend and it hurt like hell.

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