#fallowground

This past Sunday the sermon was about ground breaking repentance. In order for us to really to get to the bottom of that was that we had to break up the fallow ground. We had to get rid of the different sins that we had in our lives so that we could plant seeds. For most of us that have been saved for a while we tend to think that we are good to go. That if we are doing what the bible says and reading His word that we are doing fine. That if we are nice and showing love to others we are good. But as the pastor began to talk about the different sins I began to feel a little uncomfortable. I began to feel like he was reading my mail, piece by piece, line by line. He discussed two different types of sin.

First was the, Sins of Omission: ingratitude, neglecting to love the Lord, neglect of God's word, neglect of loving the lost, neglect of your family duties, and neglect to watch over our brothers.

Then the Sins of Commission: pride, envy, slander/gossip, lying/deceit, anger/temper, immorality and hypocrisy. As he began to list those sins off one by one I began to do self-examination.

(I have always talked in my posts about transparency, its about to get real up in here so get ready!)

I began to underline and highlight the sins that I knew God was pointing out to me right there in the pew. First was ingratitude, yes, I was thankful but I began to realize I was only thankful when thing were going the way I hope they would, when I had plans drawn up in my mind and God made those plans real, I began to see how often or lack thereof that I praised Him. Not for all the things that he had done but just for another day, the small things, the things that seem like everyday things.

Then there was neglect of my family duties, you know I can't tell me kids that they need to read their bible if I am not doing in front of them, I can't tell them to stop with the attitude if I have one myself. I can't tell them to love the Lord and thank Him in everything if I am not showing that in my everyday life and living it in front of them. For my husband (which by the way is an awesome, smart, caring, loving, hardworking, and handsome guy) what was I doing to show Him that I appreciate him every day! Posting it on Facebook for all to see does nothing if I am not showing that at home!

(I told ya'll I was getting real)

The ground was breaking right then and there, right in that church building my fallow ground was being broken up!

Then next came the green eyed monster of envy! It' not so much that I am not happy for others, it was that if I wanted the same thing that they did and things were moving faster or turning out better for them I felt this ugly feeling inside me start to stir up! I was happy for them but I didn't want to hear it. Envy aligns up with  comparison and if we are not careful it will steal any joy that we have! I began to thank God for His provision, I began to thank Him for His perfect timing, knowing that he has perfect time for things to happen in my life and there were reasons for that, that I may not see now but I will in the future.

At that moment came the repentance. I began to pray for forgiveness.