#fallow-grove

flef hfleeby

"Lovely Head" by Talking Heads

what are the essential rules of improv? please list them for me, its for a friend

Essential rules of improv:

spontaneity

resilience

mutual support

adherence to an established structure

adherence to a flexible and adaptive structure in which the basic framework is allowed to fluctuate to the needs of the moment

the ability to join forces with people who seem very different from you to accomplish a common goal

shared memory, where "shared memory" means "an abstraction that allows people to refer to events in the past without specifying that the past in question is constrained to a particular interval of time"

shared understanding, where "shared understanding" means "some mental image of the world that exists in the minds of multiple people, which all the people can see, and which multiple people can react to"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UI1G8vhQ8a8 FROM BREAKING BAD ORIGINAL MUSIC BY JOSH LEVINE SINGING FOR THE CHIEF ALTERNATIVE STRING ARRANGEMENT FEATURING A SPECIAL BREAKING BAD MONTAGE

i was really jazzed to see that youd opened an advice column. i know you probably get a lot of questions already but i just wanted to throw mine in in case you had any spare time.

ive had this problem for a while now. when i was little, i made my sister sign a contract saying that she would turn into a dog. its been years and years, and not only has she stopped turning into a dog, but now the social dynamics have completely shifted such that im the laughingstock of her and her friends every time we hang out!! which is like fine i guess but i feel like i should do something about it. i never had much dignity in the first place, nor did i see the value in maintaining it, but you can only be dragged across the floor so many times before you start to question how the hell you got here, you know??

i find myself wondering if letting people mess with me like that is a sign of low self esteem or if it's just my natural good humor and easygoing demeanor. i don't actually mind being the butt monkey most of the time, i just sometimes wonder what lead me to end up in this position.

should i try to pull a power move on them or something? (if so, what should i do?) and how can i learn to value myself more while still engaging in self deprecating humor?

thank you so much for reading!!

-fated to be farce fodder friend

Frank's reply:

I have long thought that I am "an easy target" -- I mean, I feel like my sense of humor isn't especially good, but even when I try to use my actual comic sensibilities to write comedy I find it falling flat and boring. Anyway, I do think I'm an easy target for jokes, and I do think that affects my self-esteem -- in some ways I really feel like a clownish figure, and being unable to "pass" as normal makes me feel like I have nothing to offer the world except being a funny and loveable screw-up.

To combat this, I guess I do try to combine a strong sense of humor with a strong will. I know myself well enough to know that if I try to become a "serious" man, it'll just be an act, and I'll end up looking "too cool" and completely inhuman anyway. But I can go out and assert myself by, say, getting a job, getting involved in social issues I care about, making a name for myself as a scholar (which I'm half-heartedly doing), etc. It's hard to know whether I should try to make myself as powerful as possible to counteract the "clown" aspects of my personality, or work to reduce those aspects.

This is a whole separate issue.

But I'm getting far from the central topic. I think there is no easy answer, but I would caution against trying any power move -- if I try to power-move people who torment me, I could wind up making myself even more of an outcast, and then there would be no way out. So I guess I would advise "learn to value yourself more?" but be careful with that, because a lot of that comes from your friends. I have met lots of people who don't like me because I'm not very cool, and if you are too cool, it'll come off as false and strange -- so you have to walk a careful line.

Luckily I have mostly found people who value my "oddity." To quote a John Waters line, "I want people to like me, but not for the wrong reasons." It's a fine balance.