you know what I’m going to vent it all out here. Somewhere where i know no one will read it but at least I can write it down
so shit got real in my life. I made a decision to sleep with him knowing nothing could come from it but sex and I was and still am fine with that. I don’t want a relationship, I can’t handle that right now, and as for him I got what I wanted from him...but of course things go and get complicated.
He’s allowed to sleep with who he wants, that’s fine, but someone I know, that’s pushing it a bit...and then in front of me, that’s really pushing it.I don’t give a shit really but I do feel a bit betrayed and a bit used, which is normal. Considering you’re both supposed to be “friends” i’m not so sure as friend that’s what I’d do. But it’s whatever, there might be something more serious going on there, and if so stick to that. DO NOT flirt with me the way you did the other day, cause when she’s around I know you don’t like that with me. Don’t say “you would again, but you wouldn’t” like you just want to want you again. You’re trying to keep me on a string and just make you feel like you’re top shit. You’re just a player and you’re going to hurt her too, I just feel it.
Don’t ask to be my friend and treat me that way cause that is not how you treat a friend. Especially sneaking around and pretending nothing has happened when your room is next to mine. It just looks shady and really makes it look like you know what you’re doing is wrong. I leave in two weeks, why couldn’t you just wait and then this drama YOU caused wouldn’t be happening? I look like the crazy one and the one who’s not good enough now because of the asshole move you made. I don’t think you get that. How it looks for the girl, but you do just think about yourself, I got that don’t worry.
I feel like even though it was my choice to sleep with him (and lose my v card-yep that’s right) I feel like part of that choice was taken away from me after. If you had slept with her before or shown interest in my friend beforehand I wouldn’t have done it. Now, knowing this I would go back if i could, but I can’t so here we all are.
I have to live with it while life cruises on for you, and I know once I leave or even the days I’m not there, ya’ll shit talk cause I’ve heard it (like not telling no one but telling half the staff while i was on holiday-like why?). So I’m taking my side of the story back and I’m telling my truth, and I don’t care what you think about it, because I deserve the chance too. You will not make me look weak and just like some...tool. I am better than that, and I’m better than you.
