I stared out the window, silently taking in the beauty of the brilliant colors of the orange and red fall leaves. They fell to the ground by the hundreds, making the earth around me appear as though it had been set ablaze by a wildfire.
There were things that I needed to do. Homework to tend to, laundry to be done, the list actually dragged on, but I couldn’t move. The surrounding world captivated me, pulling me in so deep that I couldn’t tear my focus from it.
I was so lost in studying what was happening outside my window that it wasn’t until I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist that I realized Ashton was home.
“Babe, are you alright?” He asked after pressing a soft kiss to my neck. I stared ahead of me, still caught in a daze, as he rested his chin on my shoulder. “Babe,” He stated a moment later, picking his head up.
“Hm?” I mumbled, shaking myself out of my daze.
“Are you alright? You seem pretty out of it,” He questioned looking at me carefully. I smiled at his concern before turning around in his arms to press a kiss to his lips.
“I’m fine,” I murmured nuzzling into his chest. I curled the fabric of his shirt into my cold hands before continuing, “I’m stuck in a fall state of mind.”
He giggled at my response before wrapping me into his warm embrace. Pressing a gentle kiss to my head he lightheartedly said, “I should’ve known, fall always gets in your head.”
I looked up at him and smiled, before turning around to look back at the outdoor view. We stood together in silence as I allowed my mind to trail off again, even more, content with Ash in my company.
“It’s just so captivating,” I breathed quietly, leaning into him.
“Just don’t let it take you away from me,” he whispered against my hair, “not again.”
My heart had stopped beating momentarily as his words reached my ears. I immediately sobered out of my daze as my dreamy heart fell.
I turned around again as guilt ate away at my heart. I placed my hands on his cheeks in an attempt to get him to look at me, but now it was him who seemed to be lost in his thoughts. “Ash, I-”
“It’s okay,” he whispered looking down at me, “I just worry sometimes.” He smiled softly, but his eyes showed that there was more than he was telling me.
“You don’ t have to worry about me anymore, I’m in a much better state of mind now,” I stated assuringly, trying not to think about the time in my life that he was referring to. He stared deep into my eyes with a slight frown on his lips before he heaved a heavy sigh, causing his shoulders to slump.
“I know, it’s just that I-,” he paused for a moment as if to gather his thoughts, “You started off in a good state of mind and then you started losing yourself in the world around you, piece by piece until there was seemingly nothing else for you to lose. You would argue that you were okay, and I think we both believed you at first until you were in so deep we were unsure how to get you out. The more engrossed you became with the world, the farther you tore yourself away from me. The way you looked at me was by far the worst part of it all. Your loving glances turned into an empty gaze as you fell deeper and deeper away from me. I literally watched the light fade from your eyes when you stared at me which was honestly the most heart-shattering thing for me to experience. It was like I was watching you fall out of love with me, and I couldn’t handle it. I-I can’t do that again.” His voice faded into a whisper as his voice wavered more and more.
“Gosh Ashton,” I murmured wrapping him in my arms, “I’m so sorry.”
“Just, don’t leave me, not again,” He breathed against my neck, his hair slightly tickling the area.
“Never again, I promise,” I murmured reassuringly, looking back at the fall scene on the other side of the window.
