#fake!scots

Fake!AAVE has been around a hell of a lot longer, and is far worse. I can’t start complaining just because it’s affecting white people too (Aside: not all Scots are white). 

So maybe it’s a good thing! If Fake!Scots means I don’t have to see a Swedish-descent Wisconsinite or an Eton-alum Anglo-Norman posting that their “fam” is “lit squad-goals” then bring it on. 

A few things to get people started:

“tae” means to/too not “the”.

“th” sounds in the/them/that/this are unchanged. (i.e.. not da/dem/dat/dis)

“Cunt” is a singular, genderless insult.

“Cunts” refers to any group of people, with no insult intended.

Vowel substitutions are not random, find a video of a Scot saying the word, then type it out.

Don’t go full Scots, you’ll fail. (Shit, I’d fail at full Scots. It’s another language after all.)

“Feck” and “gobshite” are Irish slang, not Scots. 

If you are transitioning directly from racist caricature of AAVE to insulting but at least not racist caricature of Scots, try the following substitutions.

Fam -> pal

Y’all -> yous

Ain’t -> Arny/Urny (unsure of spelling, I say it more than I write it.)

“YAAASSS” can remain, but make it far more nasal and masculine. Think less Ru Paul, more Still Game.

For the adventurous, replace “lit” -> “braw”.

These pointers are by no means a complete dictionary of Scots (which is a thing that exists you lazy hacks) but should hopefully speed the decline of Appropriative White Nonsense towards Appropriative Anglo Nonsense.

Finally I leave you with a translation of That Tweet which sparked this post.

“Ye ever wonder if fish jus’ look at folk jumpin’ in the ocean an’ they’re like: “Aw there’s cunts fallin’ oot the ceilin’ again.”

Whilst not perfect, this fits in the Twitter character limit and doesn’t cause Stage 4 metastatic butt cancer in any Scots unfortunate enough to read it.