#faiiryhaze

But I never really learned how to connect with people beyond the surface. For most of my life, I’ve been the quiet one, the one who waits to be chosen, not the one who reaches out. And somewhere along the way, I learned that the only time I got real attention was when I showed my body, when I was “sexy” for a moment. It worked for a little while, but it never lasted. It never felt like me.

I think about all the friendships I missed because I was too afraid to speak first. Too afraid to say something wrong. Too afraid to disturb people who already have their own lives and friends. So I waited. And kept waiting.

And now, sometimes, I don’t even know how to connect anymore. It’s like part of me wants to reach out, to care, to talk, to be known but another part just doesn’t move. I don’t know if it’s depression or just me protecting myself. Maybe both.

I look at people and think they’re incredible, but I stop myself. I tell myself they don’t need me. That I’d just get in the way. And it hurts, because deep down I do care. I just forgot how to show it without feeling like I’m doing something wrong.

I don’t see a moral in any of it. I just see survival. and the more I look around, the more I see we’re all surviving. loneliness became normal. depression became content. and the ones who profit most are never the ones suffering.

that’s what being human feels like now: every choice is messy, every action double-edged. we’re all lonely and “more connected” than ever. we scream about mental health but nobody listens when it’s ugly. we move too fast on things that don’t matter and too slow on the things that keep us alive.

I don’t know what’s right anymore. I only know I’m tired, I’m crying, and I want a world where connection comes without price tags, where community comes without contracts, where I can be human without constantly justifying how.