Character Test for Vincent Sheridan
“I hate my job, I hate my job, I hate my job!” Clambering up to the top of the tallest, okay, the only tree he could find, Vince narrowly avoided spending the rest of his life missing his left ass cheek. Sitting would have been a bitch. He’d be lopsided all the time, pants wouldn’t fit right, his lovers wouldn’t have anything to grab onto. All those poor, disappointed people. It would be an absolute affront to human…humanoid kind if he were reduced to half an ass.
Desert creatures, similar to dogs, but lankier and with webbed paws to swim through sand, yipped at him. Thank whatever Higher Power existed these mutts were not designed to climb.
Then again…he was pretty much fucked. If the critters didn’t get bored and leave, he’d probably end up dying of heat stroke. The heat on this Godforsaken planet was stupidly intense, even with no sun.
“What the hell is the point of weather control towers if they just want to keep it so hot you could slow-roast an entire damn cow?” Vince sighed, scowling at the dogs. Shaking his head, he turned his periwinkle eyes toward the perma-night sky. He hadn’t been able to experience real sunlight, which made him a bit sad, but since he never knew the feeling of natural heat, he couldn’t say he missed it.
Sighing, Vince pulled out his brand new mobile video call device. Kinda like the old cell phones, but better, and three times as much money. He held it above his head to try and pick up any signal, forgetting the Out Planets weren’t like home. Back on Parset, the entire planet was covered for mobile and network signal, including the deepest wilds.
“Oh good, no signal and a nearly dead battery. Fan-fucking-tastic.” Shoving the mobile back in his pocket, Vince let out a groan. The dog-things continued to make noise at the base of the tree, and as every minute ticked by, his survival looked less and less likely.
The golden sand rippled, even though there was no wind.
“Uh-oh! You idiots are in for it now!” he told the canines. “Makin’ all that noise, you’ve woken up sand dragons!” Reclining against the curve of the tree trunk, Vincent grinned as one by one the beasts were yanked into the sand. No noise, no blood, no evidence they were even there.
When he was sure the beasts were gone, Vincent hopped down from his perch. Boots sinking in the sand, he took a few steps and propped his hands on his hips as he surveyed his surroundings.
“Nothing but sand. Everywhere. Ugh.” Taking a deep breath, he started walking. He couldn’t see the camouflaged tomb he escaped from—duh, it’s not camouflaged for fun, jackass—but he knew he was heading in the opposite direction. Hopefully toward a settlement. Which could lead him to a city. From the city, he could get home. Well, to his home planet, anyway. Actual home was not a place he was allowed to be right now. But he’d fix that.
The sand next to his feet swirled and churned, tiny little sinkholes opening with every step he took.
“Really, guys? You know you can’t hunt me,” he scolded, looking down at the trail beside him.
The ground rumbled, grains of sand jumping with the vibration.
Vincent shook his head and rolled his eyes. “You aren’t gonna scare me, fellas. I’m no desert virgin. Or…any kind of virgin for that matter.”
The sand continued to swirl as the creature beneath followed along beside him. Vincent clicked his tongue as he trudged forward. Occasionally, he would glance down at the trail beside him, wondering if the little guys would ever show themselves. These must be the babies because the adults would already be swarming him.
With nothing but the crunch of his boots in the sand to occupy his mind, Vincent slogged through the dunes, over the dunes, and around the dunes. Heat reflected off the golden grains and sweat dripped down his skin.
“Ugh. The swamp ass is real,” he complained to the open desert. Swallowing thickly, he silently wished for some water. He was losing too much fluid through sweat.
Beside him, the sand continued to swirl, small puffs of dust shooting upward. His companions were close to the surface now.
“Oh, c’mon. Don’t make me come in after you. I don’t bite.” Keeping his eyes ahead, he kept walking without acknowledging the sand-dwellers further.
Ten silent minutes passed as he continued his trek. There was a gentle tug on the drawstring of his capri pant leg. Ignoring it, he kept moving. The tugging sensation traveled up the back of his pants, stopping at his belt.
Vincent pushed his sweat-soaked bangs out of his eyes and smirked when there was a rustling between his tee shirt and tank top at the small of his back. Tiny pokes now accompanied the tug on his clothes.
Soon, a tiny, scaled snout peeked out from under the collar of his tee shirt and through the heavy strands of his ponytail.
“Hello there, little friend,” Vincent greeted with a smile as the critter fully emerged. “All by yourself?”
Slitted nostrils flared as the tiny thing huffed out a breath.
Vincent chuckled, noticing the sand had stopped swirling. “So you’re the one who saved my ass back there?”
The creature huffed again.
“A dangerous little dragon!” Vincent declared proudly, lifting his hand to his shoulder. The sand dragon crawled into his palm, chortling and huffing in excitement.
Grinning, Vincent held his hand up to study the little thing. The long four-legged serpent curled up to lo larger than his palm, its clawed forefeet gripping the heel of his hand. Soft diamond-shaped scales of varying size covered its leathery skin, bright pink eyes stared up at him, and its miniaturized fantasy dragon-shaped head tilted in contemplation. This guy wasn’t very old, Vincent surmised, as the color of his scales hadn’t changed to their ungodly hot pink hue, and he had yet to sprout his wings. When full grown, he would be about as long as Vincent’s arm, wrist to shoulder.
Tired of being stared at, the little dragon uncurled, scrambled up his arm, and nestled back into the length of his ponytail. Just the tip of his nose poked out.
“All right, I get it. You can come along, I suppose. But just until we get back to Lyahn. Got it?”
The dragon huffed, digging its tiny claws into his shoulder.
“Hey, don’t take it personally! Girls don’t like lizards, and I don’t like when things cramp my style.”
The dragon rumbled now, slipping the tip of its tail under the collar of his tee shirt.
“Seriously, little buddy. You belong out here.”
The snout retreated into the ponytail.
Vincent tossed his hands up. “Fine! Guess its dick again tonight. But I’m topping this time, you hear me?”
“Why am I telling you? You don’t care who sticks what where. But if I don’t pick up a real cutie, you’re coming right back here, understand?” Vincent glanced at his shoulder.
The sand dragon erupted from his hair, quickly twirled around his neck, and nuzzled the scruff on his jawline.
Vincent sighed. “Now we just have to make it back to town. And once again, I’m empty handed…”