AIO for thinking my gf (F23) text is kind of weird? (M22)
My gf and this guy have been on and off for a few years before we met, when we were just friends she still talked about him and she’s mentioned he was her first love, even though they never dated. She ended things with him for good in 2024 ‘cause he would ghost her for days and put his job before her but when they first met they made a promise not to ever lose contact no matter what and so at times he slides in her dms again. The last time he did me and my gf were on vacation together, he texted her to tell her he was coming to our country and to meet up with her, I told her to simply ignore the message and just forget about it and at first she said she’d do it; mind you those were the last 2 days of our vacation and I wanted to spend them with her but all we ended up talking about was this man. A few days later, I noticed she was a little off so I asked her if she was okay and she texted me this: “I know you don't want to talk about this, that you don't like to talk about it, but I don't want to hide anything from you, ever, because I really want to be with you for a long time, and I realized that even difficult conversations like this are needed. [name of the guy] kept texting me even though I didn't even read his messages. Today, however, I answered him after reflecting on it a little bit, and I know clearly how you feel about it, that just deleting the chat or block him would have been better. But I only texted him back because I really felt the need for closure. What I mean is, if I keep thinking about him as this random idealized man I've never really ended things with and from whom I've never had answers or put a concrete ending point, I don't think it would be the best thing for my mental health. I'm sure I'm fine now, I’ve never been happier actually, but it's a person that hurt me very much and with whom I've never been able to have closure. I really need to make him understand that what he did was wrong and that I don't intend to entertain this fantasy of his of keeping in contact with me for the rest of his life. I really want to get rid of this thing that's been bothering me for years, just because I feel like I've started a whole new chapter of my life with you. I don't want to have these questions anymore, I don't even want to be angry at him anymore. Thats the only reason why I replied. I don't want to ignore his texts, I don't want him to be someone we talk about anymore, I don't want him to be a taboo, an inside joke, a forbidden name or anything, I want him to be nothing in my daily life, and the only way to do that is to cut ties with him like I would do with anyone else, wish him good or whatever. I hope I didnt upset you truly”.
I told her that, yes I would have preferred for her to just ignore the dm, but I can’t force her into doing anything especially if she needs closure but at the same time I kinda feel weird about this. She told me that they talked about their life etc. he offered her to go on a road trip with her...
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Reddit consensus: NOT OVERREACTING (NOR) (67% confidence)
Top comment: “Uhhhh this is a complicated situation so Ima say NOR, it's weird. Keeping it from you wasn't cool she knew it was a boundary, and if I were in your shoes that long text would be just words. You can't really control who she's friends with that's not cool, but I worry you're going to have a rough go at it trusting them to be friends after she already breached your trust in this way. Good luck bro.”
Notable explanation: “NOR but I think you have to judge her on her actions. If she honestly feels she needs to discuss things that have happened in the past to get closure to move on, I think that's ok but I don't see why that has to last beyond a phone call. The person sounds like the kind of guy that doesn't really want her but doesn't want anyone else to have her either. I guess most people have someone they've not been able to see for who they really are, despite what their head tells them. He'll probably keep her hanging on as long as he can. I'd tell her that a phone call, a few texts this week is fine. If it goes on beyond that, I'd tell her that you can't understand why it's taking so long to get the answers she needs and the situation is upsetting you and making you doubt whether she's truly over him and committed to you. Edit: In fairness to her, she seems switched on and fully aware of what the situation is and his intentions and she's been upfront and honest with you. As long as her actions back up what's been said, I think you are ok, it's not wrong to be wary about it though.”
Originally shared by FishingAdventurous12 on r/AmIOverreacting on December 28th, 2025 at 8:32 AM UTC. Credit to u/Miserable_Ad_7297 and u/ThrowRA-SuperCod9654 for the quoted comments.
