#f. andersen

“I love you,” you whispered, knowing this was the perfect opportunity for such an admission – one you had been certain of long ago. “And they love you. It was the best Christmas, baby. Thank you.”

This had always been your favorite time of year, the air in Herning crisp and biting but the fresh snow crunching under your boots putting a smile on your face. You had nothing but fond memories of Christmas. Most of your childhood you’d spent them with your mother’s extended family in Toronto, eating your grandmother’s homemade cinnamon rolls and opening presents with your cousins as the sun rose behind the house. Though you were in Denmark this Christmas, you still had the fuzzy warmth in your chest as you walked slowly beside your husband and the little girl perched in his arms. It was your fifth holiday with Freddie but your first with your daughter, whose wide eyes darted around the backyard with the unbridled curiosity of a child who was finally aware enough to take in her first snow. Your first Christmas with Freddie had been very early on in your relationship. You’d met him only a few months before, at a team barbecue hosted by the Hymans. Alannah had become one of your closest friends as the two of you navigated law school together, and you and Zach developed a friendly relationship as a result. As much time as you spent with the two of them, the first time you met his teammates didn’t come until about a year later. Alannah invited you one night over drinks and though you were a bit nervous going into a situation where you knew no one but her, you accepted the invitation and found yourself in their backyard nursing a red solo cup and being introduced to a whole mob of Maple Leafs and their significant others. After making the rounds you’d gone inside to fix another drink and found a large redhead in their kitchen. The moment his soft smile was directed back at you, you knew you were a goner. The two of you had spent almost the entirety of the barbecue chatting in that kitchen, and you left with his phone number and the promise of a date. You hadn’t looked back since. The second Christmas the two of you spent together, you decided to host both of your families at your shared home in Toronto. Your newly received engagement ring sparkled under the tree lights as the two sides finally met for the first time, excitement building for your future to come. Christmas number three you were in Herning, three months married and finding the time to travel overseas as Freddie recovered from shoulder surgery, indefinitely placed on injured reserve. You spent Christmas number four alone back in Ontario with Freddie’s hand constantly rubbing soft circles on your swollen belly as you watch holiday classics on TV. Your baby girl made her entrance two months later, wailing loudly but still managing to immediately capture both your heart and your husbands. You silently cursed yourself for not changing into something warmer as the thin leggings tucked into your boots weren’t really helping the shivers running through your body, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to go back inside. Not when your daughter stuck her tiny hand out and giggled at the feeling of the wet snow. You’d been excited to experience this with her since she was still an idea in your head. Of course you’d had snow back in Ontario, but this was the first time she really seemed to be understanding what she was seeing and feeling. The white blanket on the ground and the small flurries fascinated her as she gazed around the backyard in complete wonder.  You quietly pulled your phone from your pocket as you continued through the cold further into your yard. The time read 4:04 PM, and though you knew it was only around ten in the morning in Scottsdale, you pulled up the familiar contact and hit the FaceTime button, the ringing filling your ears but not capturing the attention of Freddie or your girl. You rolled your eyes as it connected and what your husband called the world’s most terrible mustache filled your screen, but you couldn’t help the grin that spread across your own face as one of your favorite people appeared. “Hey y/n, how’s Scandinavia treating you?” he greeted, lounging on his sofa still in pajamas with a cup of coffee sat on the side table in the background. “Hi friend, always a good time in Denmark. ‘S it hot over there in good old AZ?” The two of you made small talk for the next few minutes before you heard your husband’s loud footsteps in the snow, looking up to find them walking back toward you, Fred’s smile soft in contrast to the giggles still coming from the infant he carried. Auston noticed your gaze lift from him to above the camera and he spoke again “Is that my girl? Where’s my girl, huh?” You didn’t think your daughter’s face could light up any further than it already had but sure enough it did as she heard his voice. “Look baby, say hi to Uncle Aus!” You handed the phone to Fred and he held it for a few minutes as he allowed the two of them to talk, Auston asking your daughter what she’d gotten for Christmas and telling her about his own family’s morning as she babbled back to him. You lost focus on the conversation in favor of watching the snow as it began to fall harder onto the ground below you. It had been steadily picking up speed since you’d started watching it from the bedroom window that morning, and you knew with the chill you’d have to take her inside soon. You tuned back in as you heard the conversation coming to an end, Freddie and Auston saying their goodbyes. “Bye Aus, say hi to Cars and the kids for me! Tell them we love them!” “Bye y/n, we love you too!” The call clicked off and when Fred handed the phone back you flipped over to your camera, moving to video mode to capture the moment of your daughter’s first real experience with snow. Fred gasped and directed her to look at the camera, waving and encouraging her to do the same. “Say hi mumma! Hi mumma!” “Hi baby!” you cooed at her as she flailed her arm in her best attempt at a wave, giggling as she batted more of the snow falling against her little fist. “Are you having fun baby girl? Do you love the snow? Daddy’s having so much fun too, look!” He smiled down at his girl, nodding enthusiastically along as she babbled aimlessly, gesturing to the environment around her. You stopped the video and made sure it saved to the camera roll, knowing it was a memory you’d cherish for years to come. “Okay family, I think it’s time to go inside, it’s getting a little chilly for us out here.” Your baby’s face dropped a bit but she remained silent and continued to mumble unintelligibly to herself as the three of you made your way back toward the house. You sighed at the warmth of your home as you made your way from the backdoor into the kitchen, shedding your coat before turning to help Fred pull the many layers off of your daughter. Her hat came first, then coat, then boots and sweater until she was down to just her Christmas pajamas. You’d thought they were adorable when you picked them out but even more so when you’d put them on her and so you and Fred had decided to just keep her in them for the day, knowing you weren’t planning to leave your home. The rest of the night passed rather uneventfully, the three of you spending the evening parked right where you’d expected, on the couch with hot chocolate watching Miracle on 34th Street and White Christmas before putting the baby to bed at the usual time. It had been a bit harder than usual to get her down but finally, after the excitement of the day, she fell into a fairly deep sleep in her crib. Once she had finally fallen asleep you made your way back to your husband in the living room, flopping ungracefully down next to him on the sofa, sighing deeply and resting against his very large frame. He chuckled to himself as you settled yourselves into a comfortable position, enjoying the silence of the moment together, his breathing quiet and the TV on low in the background. The Christmas tree in the corner provided the only source of light aside from whatever movie was playing, each of the ornaments telling its own story of a memory special to your little family. “Do you remember our second Christmas together, right after we got engaged? When our families met for the first time and our brothers spent the entire day chirping us for how ‘sickeningly in love’ we were?” you broke the quiet of the room and Fred laughed in reply. “Yeah and my mom insisting she help yours in the kitchen, which ended up in the two of them getting drunk together and accidentally burning the rolls.” You both laughed then, remembering your fathers waving dish towels and opening windows to try to stop the beeping of the smoke detector. “Yeah, that one. I think that was the first time I realized how much I was looking forward to having a family of our own. I remember thinking about sitting on the couch with our little girl, giggling with her while we watched you chase our little boy around the room. I wanted that so badly. And now we have it and I don’t think I could be any happier.” It was the truth. From the time you’d begun dating to now, through five years, a marriage and then a baby, your relationship had only strengthened. It wasn’t perfect, no relationship ever was, but it was perfect for you two. You’d grown together through the hard times and laughed together through the good ones and all the while you felt more and more loved by him every day. There wasn’t a sight in the world that filled your heart more than watching Fred with your baby. You had a family, one you’d hoped for since you were a little girl playing house with your sister, and you had created that family with a man who loved you the way you’d always wanted and deserved to be loved. It wasn’t ever lost on you how lucky you were to have him by your side. He let you lose yourself in your thoughts for a minute before a warm hand on your cheek turned your face toward him and you met the eyes you’d fallen madly in love with. “Ik hou van je, schat. I do, I love you. You are the love of my life, and an incredible mother. I wouldn’t ever want to do this, to have a family with anyone else.” He kissed the top of your head and left you with that. Freddie had always been a man of fewer words but you didn’t need them, you felt it in everything he did. It wasn’t about how he told you, but how he showed you. You both sat curled together watching the fire for another moment before you stood, making your way to the tree and pulling a small envelope from behind it. Freddie’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion as you made your way back over to the couch. “Schat, what’s that? I thought we’d finished exchanging all our gifts this morning?” He’d presented you with a beautiful set of diamond earrings to replace the pair you had lost in your move to the new house in Toronto last year, and you had gifted him with a pair of tickets and a room confirmation for a trip to Greece in the coming summer, a destination that had been at the top of both of your bucket lists. This present, though, you’d hidden behind the tree to give to him after your daughter went to sleep, when the time felt right. You handed it to him and shrugged slightly, answering vaguely with a “just another little something, go on, open it.” He opened the envelope and pulled out the card, regarding it carefully until you encouraged him to read the writing on the inside out loud. The card was simple, white with a few red hearts adorning the front, empty on the inside. You’d written the message before you left town last week, working through tears as you did. The tears welled up again as he began to read and you tried willing them away, but it proved to be nearly impossible as you heard them build in his voice as well. “You’ll watch mommy’s belly each day as I grow, and then you’ll count my ten fingers and ten little toes. You’ll hold me when I cry and rock me to sleep, but stay with me until I’m not making a peep. With mommy and sister we’ll laugh and we’ll play, and you’ll get to watch me grow every day. I’ll be there cheering at all of your games, until it’s time for me to hit the ice just the same. I can’t wait to meet you so very soon, so I’ll see you and mommy this coming June.” You were both quietly crying by the time he was done reading the card and he clutched it tightly in his hand, closing his eyes to collect his thoughts before he finally addressed you again. “Really? You’re pregnant?” You only had the chance to nod before he was up off the couch, bringing you in tightly to his body as you both tried to rein in your emotions. “I found out about a week before we left. We have the first ultrasound as soon as we get back to Toronto.” You pulled back slightly, making eye contact before you continued, “I’m so fucking happy, Fred. I’m so excited to have another baby with you. Are you happy?” “Happy? Schat, I’m elated. I can’t wait to watch you be a mother again, to bring another life into this world with me. I love you. I’m so happy.” You embraced for a few minutes longer before retiring to your bedroom, and the soft, gentle sex had you falling asleep with a small smile on your face. You slept for only a few hours before you were awoken by the giggles of your first baby from the living room, the bed empty next to you and the clock on the nightstand reading 1:47 AM. You made your way toward the sound where you found Freddie bouncing your daughter on his lap, both of them apparently unable to sleep and watching cartoons on the television set. Standing in the doorway watching them with your hand placed over your still mostly flat stomach, the excitement of giving her a baby brother or sister grew in you once more, the same visions of Freddie chasing another little one around the room that you’d had three years ago now popping back into your head. You knew that he would love this baby in the same way that he loved the one currently perched on his knee, so deeply that you saw it in every moment he spent with her. Next Christmas would be just as special as the last five with him had been, and just as special as all of those still yet to come.