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yoohankim ice skating AU ⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻ That one Yuri!!! on Ice fusion AU except Kim-fucking-Dokja dies halfway through episode 2 in a tragic zamboni accident (he became a manager) (he is dead to juniors rival, yoo mia)
2023
The matching text for these two were rather long, so they're under the cut.
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shitpost cannibal mermaid yuri fancomic (studio heartbreak: the lovers)
(this is a riff on 'homestuck turns men into women and women into lesbians', I'm not serious, don't worry)
we may observe within gender non-optimal gendered equilibria which are, in their immediate local contexts, maxima of stability to which near neighbors gravitate, and the unique optimal gendered equilibrium known as lesbianism, than which no other point within gender is more stable or attractive. many gendered subjects remain in non-optimal equilibrium, lacking the activation energy necessary to escape- an effect which might be likened to the gravitational well of a planet. reading Homestuck is known to catalyze reactions which cause a gendered subject to transition from non-optimal equilibria to more nearly-optimal equilibria, leading to an effect in which all Homestuck readers who were not originally lesbians end up closer to lesbianism than they were when they began.
a future thesis defense
me: Hello, distinguished guests, and welcome to the defense of my thesis, 'My Hallucinations Are Turing-complete, Are Your Dreams?'.
me: This manuscript is the summation of years of work to construct a persistent hallucinatory array that calculates a cellular automaton's next state using the standard Conway rules, then further years to experimentally confirm that its version of each frame was algorithmically correct, and that the resultant persistent computations display the same Turing-equivalence patterns seen in verified implementations of Conway's Life.
me: Currently I'm researching computational methods to create a hallucinatory AI capable of passing the Turing test (or, more concisely, a 'tulpa'),
Extracts from the logs of the First Extraterrestrial Ambassador to Earth:
Day 4: My host family asked me a question today and stared expectantly at me as my universal translator struggled for about a minute with one of the terms used. Eventually it gave its output- "What is your [gender]*?", [gender] being an untranslated English word. The translation note explained that "gender" is a complex phenomenon observed in many human cultures that has some arcane relation to reproductive function. I declined to answer, my official reason being that I would need to do more research in order to be able to give an intelligible response, but to tell the truth I found the question inappropriate. Diplomatically better not to say that, however.
Day 7: My host family took me on an expedition to acquire vestments for myself and the youngest offspring. I discovered that the "gender" question, which I have yet to answer, has something to do with the nature of the vestments it is appropriate to put on one's body- specifically, what roles the vestments are specified to fulfill. The "girl" gender is associated with clothing of high aesthetic value, but poor practical function, while the "boy" gender is associated with ugly clothing that adequately serves the utilitarian functions of vestments. Must remember to discreetly inquire which gender is associated with clothes that are both aesthetically pleasing and functional, so that I may give that one as my "gender."
Day 7, addendum: I do not understand the humans.
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You're walking down the street, minding your own business, whistling a tune, when you spot a gay sadness stand. You smile indulgently at this fine display of young capitalist entrepreneurship, until you recognize the young capitalists. It’s those het boys from last night, the ones you caught up in your gay sadness tree. They got away with gay sadness from your front yard and they’re selling it on the street. They hear your indignant fury from half a block away and pack up the stand in a hurry, their young feet taking them off much faster than your old ones can follow. But all is not lost; they dropped some gay sadness in the street in their haste, and you fall to your hands and knees and sink your teeth into the gay sadness. It is bitter and it is sweet, and your eyes stream freely into the juice that runs down your chin
The Dolorous Memer
[Scene: a group of nervous aspiring authors sit in a circle, each waiting to take their turn being workshopped. The hat passes to EZEKIEL, who has prepared a scene from hir play-in-progress.]
EZEKIEL clears hir throat.
EZEKIEL: Scene: the Down With Cis bus, in a moment of rare peace. Most on the bus are asleep except for the driver, and two shitposters who mumble memes to each other in the back-
ANNA: Meem?
EZEKIEL: -seat...
GLADYS: Is that how it's pronounced?
ANNA: I always thought it was mee mee.
[The workshoppers murmur agreement, with the conspicuous exception of EZEKIEL, who looks like ze would rather be dead than here.]
