This is pretty much everything I hate about the outdoor/cycling/fitness industry. I mean, sureâExpert Voice is arguably not purely outdoor anymore. But like, câmonâthey sent about a dozen emails two weeks back announcing their name change, and their send name and mail server are still âExperticityâ and âmail.experticity.comâ. Their website is still âexperticity.comâ. Did they just decide one morning âOh heyâletâs change our nameâ and then bought the URL on GoDaddy and figured everything else would just sort itself out? I guarantee you, an old white dude awash in unearned confidence and an out-of-style suit decided they should do this. All the evens I canât about this, let me tell you. OKâthen thereâs this product theyâre selling. Honestly, I donât even know what the eff itâs called. I donât want to know. If it works, itâs doping. If it doesnât work, itâs a scam. This shit is purely unwinnable EXCEPT for the fact that the average outdoor consumer is like 57 and makes $389k a year and thinks âFUCK BEING OLD SUCKSâ.
And I mean, it does suck. Iâm barely 36 and all of a sudden Iâm breaking bones pretty much every time I hit the ground. BUT DUDE GET OVER IT. Shit happens, even to privileged, white, bicycle-riding, pro-deal-receiving bros like us. Youâre going to be getting older and slower and itâs not getting easier and you better learn to fucking deal with it. I know that, yâknow, whatever twelve-rider Masterâs Cat 4 45+ field you self-segregate into has never forced you to like, develop skills or some shit, but HOLY FUCK YES there are problems in bike racing (as in life) to which you cannot simply apply more watts. The drugs/supplements/aero gear/whatever are not going to resolve that for you and, even in the best of outcomes, will prevent you from learning things that might actually make you better at the sport in which you purport to participate.
So yeahâwant to be fit for summer? Quit your stupid-ass, unearned-confidence-inspiring, overpaid, domain-change-fumbling, suit-wearing job. Hire a good coach who understands the inevitable decay to which weâre all signed on. Eat better. Take more naps. Yoga. Foam roll. Gutter people more. Lie about just sitting on and then attack with savagery.
OR JUST ACCEPT the fact that having an actual life and family and professional responsibilities and being a productive member of society and what not involves compromises and trade-offs and some of these might preclude KOMing the local climb every four months and yâknow maybe you might still be able to enjoy riding a bike even without it EVEN IF you can spend money on a product that offers you a false hope to the contrary.
