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Sometimes I look at myself with anxiety, possible neurodivergence, depression, sleep apnea, awful overthinking brain, and wonder if when I was born, I was perfectly pristine, and then either everyone played around with me until I was broken, or I spoiled myself until I was wrong.
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Time to relax.
(puts head down on pillow)
everything is agony. I am alone and I am alone am no one. I carry a pain that is torturous yet unrecognisable as one severe enough to be treated immediately. I wish I was somewhere far away, I was my flesh didn't weight me down, I wish I could close my eyes and let the darkness just take me. It's a shame I'm at work and this is just the office floor with a crappy provided pillow and blanket.
My mom when she wants to criticise me (Good Mood): "You need to lose weight, you'd look very handsome if you do, you're so lazy. This is why you have no self confidence." [This is when we're eating dinner]
My mom when she wants to criticise me (Neutral Mood): "How can you stand being so ugly and dirty? So lazy you can't even practise self care on yourself? Nobody is going to want you, you know." [Forcibly applies incredibly uncomfortable unknown skin care on my face and complains when I flinch]
My mom when she wants to criticise me (Bad Mood): "Your phone has made you r*tarded, simple job I asked of my own son and you can't even do it, useless." [I'm trying my best not to cry as I try and fix or get something to work, something she doesn't even understand and neither do I at all]
