#exoplaneeet

He's all easy charm." Besides, you are a truly good and generous person. It does not surprise me that she would share her love with him. I am a wretched creature."

it’s not good, it’s supposed to be doctor who but Dark, but it’s more just full of really laughably edgy shit and some of the most misplaced, porny sex scenes ever put to television. if you think this sounds funny (as I do) you’ll probably get some enjoyment out of it but ... yeah Some things I remember

second episode ever is about a sentient gas that feeds off “orgasmic energies” but only the orgasms of men because their orgasms are “more powerful” (also I think at one point owen (the dumbest and shittiest character) locks his coworker in a room with the sex monster so he can jack off to it killing her????)

they have a pet pterosaur but they don’t really acknowledge it and then eventually the show forgets about it after it being in basically every episode for 2 seasons. it plays basketball? I don’t think they ever explain it

i vividly remember the husband of the main character lady slapping his naked ass to the tune of shave and a haircut 

i swear nobody watched this show but there’s a whole tourist attraction in cardiff that’s a shrine to a character on the show who died. and no this isn’t just a bunch of shit people stuck to a wall illegally, there’s a plaque and everything. officially managed apparently.

there’s only like 40 episodes and they managed to repeat the same title twice

there was an episode where a woman was activated as a sleeper agent and she lets go of her baby stroller and it rolls off screen and you hear a car hit it, like a comedy beat. it was incredible.

one episode was like a really shitty b cannibal movie which is so out of place with the aesthetic of doctor who that it kind of rocked. it wasn’t good but just great to watch in the same way that scooby doo blair witch project film is

when they do have an ok episode they usually throw in a fisting scene or something that will just one hit KO you for daring to think they could have an episode without one embarrassing sex scene

one time they had a “cyberwoman” and it looked like this

its FUN! because i mean, house and tony in the same room (ESPECIALLY in a situation where they are actively antagonists to eachother (house wants to diagnose tony. tony does not want to be diagnosed bc hes hiding the fact that he’s dying)) would be an unmitigated disaster

every single symptom that gets noticed is bizzare and they KNOW he’s prob hiding more. tony refuses to consent to any tests, at all, which means that the house squad’s gotta get Creative. and even if he does pass out or smth and pepper allows tests, there’s still such a limited amount of tests they CAN do due to you know. Reactor thing. that they’ve STILL gotta get Creative.

also especially bc i think that like. the public in general does not Know about the arc reactor. especially re: IM2 timeine.

Okay so! Let’s start here: my Hell is a planet in another dimension. Hell’s universe is elderly, approaching the end part of its lifespan. 

What little light there is in Hell comes from a red giant - a dying star in the last stages of its evolution. The amount of the giant’s light that actually reaches Hell is so little that to a human, Hell would appear completely dark. Life in Hell - including demons and Lucifer - has evolved to make use of what little light there is; it’s gloomy and dim for them, but they can see. 

Like Earth, Hell has magnetic poles, weather, and a whole range of terrain types, climates, and ecosystems. Unlike Earth, it’s massive. Using this handy size chart I plucked from Google, Hell would be closer to Kepler 7B than Earth. 

So really, the environment depends on where you are, what time of year it is (although seasons in Hell are much less drastic than on Earth, and demons don’t really mark the passage of time like we do). 

Demons live pretty much everywhere except for the extreme poles, where it’s too cold even for a species that thrives in horrible environments nobody else wants to live in. There are supposedly frost giants down there, though - not that anybody living has ever seen one. 

The circles are basically the Hell equivalent of states/counties/territories. Back in ye olde Hell of yore, each devil would only be able to hang onto as much land as his clan could defend, with boundaries constantly shifting, mostly by virtue of whoever won the latest skirmish with the clan next door. 

But when Lucifer turned up and took over, he brought a more advanced kind of diplomacy to Hell; he’s got long-term alliances with other powerful (though still subordinate) leaders, and through war and politics and power plays he’s managed to rack up far more territory than any other devil in living memory. And he can’t keep an eye on all that territory, all the time. 

So he did what thousands of human kings have done throughout history; introduced the circles, divided up his land, and gave chunks of it to his allies to watch over. 

Each circle can have tens of thousands of demons, and hundreds of clans, covering an immense amount of land. Each of those small clans will have a leader, and the skirmishes go on as they always have, but the demon in charge of that circle is usually the former (either defeated or surrendered) devil of the most powerful clan in the area, and it’s now his or her job to keep all the smaller clans under control, deal with disputes, defend that part of Lucifer’s territory from attack, and contribute to the economy. Basically, they’re the nobility of Hell; the barons, the dukes, etc, and they all answer directly to Lucifer. If there’s an uprising in, say, the second circle that isn’t handled and Lucifer has to deal with it himself, Leviathan will be the one who has to answer for it. 

The association with the sins came about thusly: 

Before Lucifer banned possession, demons would come to the surface. They’d come into contact with humans, and end up either getting into fights and threatening to drag the human back to [circle number] as a captive (it’s a great shame, by demon standards, to be taken alive) or sociably talking about where they’re from over some drinks and sex. But if you’re in a very foreign country where nobody will have visited your own land, you don’t say, “I’m from Gorzyce,” because nobody is gonna know where that is. You say, “I’m from Poland.” Likewise, demons would say, “I’m from the [seventh] circle of Hell,” rather than “I’m from [the clan’s name for their own settlement].”

(Not that that’s much more helpful to the baffled early humans, but an attempt was made)

The demons generally associated with the seven deadly sins are Lucifer’s top lieutenants and advisors (mostly. Belial is Lucifer’s dragon, and Beelzebub is one of many names in a thousand different dialects for Lucifer himself). As such, they were the names that popped up most when demons would tell stories about Hell - theirs is still a largely oral tradition and most demons can neither read nor write. And the humans correctly assumed that these were clearly important people, the head honchos of Hell. But somewhere along the line religion got involved and each of them became associated with a particular sin in human lore and became avatars of evil, when honestly they’re just...demons. Like every other demon, except that they’re smart or strong or scheming enough to control an entire clan.  

exoplaneeet said: i’m still intrigued, i’m free on weekends and maybe wednesday afternoons? and since i only have experience w dnd i won’t be able to help w choosing the game system

sci-fiandfantasybooks said: I am 100% still interested. I have no prior experience with role playing games so I dont know what kind of set up would work best. My schedule is insanely flexible right now. Let me know what works for everyone else

I have more experience with D&D than any other system, and since I haven’t DMed since high school I think learning a new system might be an unnecessary complication.

That said, Daleks aren’t in the Monster Manual last time I checked so there will need to be a little bit of homebrew involved in any case. (that said...)

Although I was thinking, since this would essentially be an Unbound Doctor story, Call of Cthulhu-style (Or D&D 3E) sanity checks could be incorporated to good effect. 

...please don’t worry about the first suggestion the DM had was to include sanity checks. I am totally not cackling right now.