#exceptcoughdrops

Sometimes you just need a change of pace. The seasonal change has really been getting to me. As much as I love the rain and autumn in general, it also means I don’t go out as much. I don’t get as much social interaction, I don’t get the exercise of hiking in the woods or just walking around town, and I tend to close myself off more, physically and emotionally. As much as I love my lazy days in, I should start think of them as chocolate. Wonderful, but too much can be bad for me. 

I like being alone, but the loneliness gets to me from time to time. I miss having someone to hit up to go out and grab a bite to eat or just to hang out and watch a movie. I have a hard time bridging the gap between casual friend and actual friend. I know people here would probably be happy to hang out, but it’s hard thing to reconcile in my head. I know I CAN just ask someone if they want to go grab a drink, and I’m sure they’d be happy to, but knowing that and actually doing it are two different things. There’s nothing like being in this beautiful country and having so many new experiences within my reach and not going out and experiencing them. 

My classes are driving me crazy. I know most of the material and we’re not covering what I actually want to know. I’m not advancing with the language as much as I want to, the classes are mind-numbingly boring, and I feel like I’m wasting time and energy on them. I’m starting to hate the language, which I hate. I miss tech. I miss learning things. I’ve even considered cutting my year short to just a semester, but that would mean returning to a life I hate outside of class. I feel stuck and claustrophobic and I tend to get restless and feel helpless when I start to feel that way. 

To add a cherry on top, apparently my darling dog isn’t doing well health-wise and there’s nothing I can do about it from half a world away.

So, all of this has been getting to me. I’ve been trying to share more and be more emotionally open, but I’m slipping back into my shell. But I knew I needed a change. Even my mom was worried, and a lot of this stuff goes right over her head. 

I decided to get out of town for a couple days, asked if anyone knew of any good weekend trips (because strict attendance policies suck), and got a couple good suggestions. I’m planning to go to the nearer ones in the coming weeks, but this week I’m going to Ireland to visit my family. I decided Friday night and I leave Wednesday. It’s completely last minute, but enough in advance that my spontaneous side isn’t kicked in full gear. Basically, it’s a little surreal and I’m a little panicky, but it’ll be good. It’ll be really good for me. 

Even if I don’t get a ton of adventures in, I’ll be spending time around wonderful, warm people who love me (even if I’m a little awkward and closed off and last-minute) and their adorable animals on their beautiful farm in a breathtaking country. It’ll be a good escape, and hopefully, a bit of an emotional reset. (The fact that it’s right after the election didn’t occur to me until after I bought the tickets. Whatever happens, at least that stress will be over.) 

In the meantime, I need to see what material I’ll be missing, figure out my train to Geneva, pack, and not panic.