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OK OK OK OK-
Ok is ANYONE else talking about the “evil coffee” theory yet??? Or is that just the discord I’m in
Cause like…. Who the FUCK puts THAT much emphasis on a RANDOM CUP OF COFFEE??
I mean Aziraphale literally says “I made my position clear” and then Metaron is immediately like “aAAH, but I brought you.. an OAT milk LaTé 👹” with foreboding music and ominous shots like some scene straight out of a fucking Disney movie, OH Kay… I see you you Jafar sounding bitch 😭😂
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Just to add to the “Metatron did something to the coffee” theory, I noticed when I first watched it that when he was ordering the coffee from Nina he asked for “a dash” of almond syrup. But then when he gives the coffee to Aziraphale he says that it has a “hefty jigger” of almond syrup. I just thought that was strange to specify. Maybe he was trying to hide the taste of something.
OK YES BUT
I sincerely thought I was in a Twin Peaks theory post up until that last line. I DON'T know what the evil coffee theory is for Twin Peaks is, all I know is that I think it's probably true
I thought you Brits preferred tea over coffee? Yet the one time you buy the stuff it's already been shat out by civets and elephants.
Oh, please don’t consider my mother representative of the rest of the British people. I personally am perfectly happy with tea that was simply picked off of a plant.
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There's a similar coffee called Black Ivory Coffee, instead of Civets it's Elephants. the elephants' digestive enzymes, breaks down the coffee's protein. "Protein is one of the primary factors for bitterness in coffee. Less protein results in a coffee with less bitterness." it goes for US$1,100 per kilogram and at some luxury resorts it goes for $50 a cup.
Victor: Yup. They found that one too. Mother served it after one of her dinner parties. Once again, many mentions of how expensive it was. At least this one isn’t produced by mistreating the elephants.
Alice: . . .I’m going to go eat some coffee beans, wait a while, then see who wants to buy my poop.
The only truelly evil coffee is Kopi Luwak. Making it requires keeping Asian Palm Civets in cages and forcefeeding them coffee cherries, which are fermented through the intentines, then deffecated out and picked out of the fecal matters. It is one of the most expensive coffees in the world, with retail prices reaching €550 / US$700 per kilogram.
Alice: I utterly refuse to believe that’s a real--
Victor: My father once bought some for my mother to serve at a party. She went on and on about how expensive it was.
Alice: . . .It’s coffee that is literally shat out by tortured overfed animals.
Victor: [sighing in disgust] But it’s expensive.
