#everything buddy

Dear my everything buddy, 

This year has begun and we are already in a sad spot. It’s only been a few hours and I feel like we are down in the dumps with depressed thoughts swimming through our heads. I know it hasn’t been easy. I know there have probably been moments where you think, “why?” and I know there have been moments of tears and sleepless nights. I can’t say much other than, I’m sorry. 

I know I’m not perfect. I never have been. But I know we are perfect for each other. Through our ups and downs we manage to find a way through. I think this is what makes us so wonderful. Even in the toughest of moments, we look for the good. I hope we can always be like this. Sometimes I make poor choices. I am seeing that more and more, and it’s hard for me to come to terms with that. I thought I was always doing everything, and I know that isn’t the case. But you deserve everything. You deserved it back in 2014 and you deserve it now. So I want to give you everything. I am not sure where to start, because there are a lot of places, but I will start thinking more. I will start finding opportunities and I will continue building our relationship up instead of knocking it down. 

I know it can be hard to trust someone who is constantly letting you down. So I don’t blame you for having doubts. I don’t blame you or question you for anything. I know instead of trying to convince you to trust me, I need to earn that trust. And I can only earn it by doing something.

So my promise for 2018 is to do things. What a silly way of putting a new year’s resolution right? But I can’t think of a simpler way to say it. I wish to do things for us. While it won’t be immediate and it won’t be easy, I will do things. I will do things to make us happy, I will do things to make us excited for the next step in our relationship, and I will do things to always put a smile on your face and never let it leave. I want our 2018 to be even better than our 2017. I know it will be. I promise to be your everything buddy. 

Just to relay how much more exciting our 2018 will be, I want to talk about some of our best moments in 2017, starting with January 1, 2017. I called you that night at midnight because we weren’t together. I wished so bad that I could spend that evening with you and it didn’t matter who was in the room with me then, it just mattered that I was with you in some way. So we talked and I wished you a happy new years not knowing how 2017 would turn out. 

Then in February you went to Napanee and I missed you so much. But we had our own adventure driving to Montreal and going to places like Musique and that casino with your cousins. We stayed up so late that night even though we wanted to leave. But it wasn’t all that bad because I got to spend the night with you. And then we waited in line through a snowstorm to eat at a brunch place, who’s name I cannot remember. I don’t know how we did it but as I said before, it wasn’t as bad when I was doing it with you. 

In March we went clubbing with all my cousins. You almost got kicked out of the bar. I don’t think we have ever been that drunk and I watched you puke in my trash bin quite a number of times. When you flopped on my bed it probably would have been a good idea to let you sleep, but I was worried you might choke on your puke. I sat at the side of the bed awake until 7am watching you sleep and realizing that I could do that every single day if I had to because you were worth it to me. That night was so much fun and the following day we slept for 16 hours. Those were some of the best 16 hours of sleep I have ever had. 

April I went to a Raptors game with you. I believe it was one of our first ones together. It was so memorable because you had completely surprised me and I had a phenomenal time with you. That April I started a new tradition for my birthday with someone I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. The Raptors won and I was convinced us and our cheering were their good luck charms. 

At the beginning of May, I started my new summer student job at MTO and you were a part of all of it. You helped me prep for my interview, even though I didn’t want to. You gave me advice for my first day, and you called me that night to hear every single detail. It felt so good to share my exciting moments with you. I knew this was the first step in an exciting career and I was so happy I got to share it with you. The person who I love so much and wish to share everything with. 

June came and it was the first time I was celebrating your birthday with you. I had no clue what to get you and I wanted to make it special. We went to Casa Loma and basically won that escape room thing. And then it was off to Joey’s for some drinks and dessert. I picked it especially because it had chocolate lava cake which I know is your favourite. I spent the entire day with you and it was perfect. Because for birthdays, all I want is to spend it with someone who truly matters in my life and I was happy you wanted to do the same. 

July was one of the hardest months in my opinion. You went on vacation with your family and I missed you a lot. More than I have ever missed anyone in my entire life. I spent those two weeks crying because I couldn’t see you, I couldn’t talk to you and our conversations over text where limited. It was so hard going those few weeks without you. But that feeling when you came back but the most amazing feeling. Watching for your car and having you surprise me from the parking lot moved me to tears. I couldn’t believe I had you back after that period of time. I never wanted to be apart like that again. 

In August I made the big move of telling my dad about you. I was so scared but I knew it was the right time. He had an interesting reaction but all-in-all I think we can say everything worked out in the end. You ended up meeting my parents too this month I think. It went a lot better than I thought it would and I knew they loved you the moment they saw us together because I loved you. Afterwards we went to Harper’s Landing and talked about the entire event. I love those chats at restaurants. Where we can talk about the most important things and the most random things. 

We celebrated our one year in September. It was such a magical evening. We went to the CN Tower and you treated me to an amazing dinner. It was more fancy than I was comfortable with but you said I looked right at home, something that wasn’t the case a year before. We talked over an amazing Toronto skyline and I teared up thinking about how we made it a year. You got me flowers and a necklace that never leaves my sight. It felt like we were celebrating a wedding anniversary, that’s how special I felt that night. 

October we took the step to making tradition with my family. We prepared a huge Thanksgiving feast from Turkeys to stuffing to garlic bread and mashed potatoes. You helped with food prep and we danced in my kitchen. The table was set for two more individuals this year and it made me so happy to know that this was going to be my family for the rest of my life. I was thankful to you and I was so thankful to share that evening with you. 

In November we had a surprise date with my family. Or at least a surprise date my dad had planned. Do you remember guessing and guessing what it could be? It was the ultimate triple date and I realized how much had changed since August. First you were a stranger, where encounters with my parents were a little uncomfortable or a little too new. And now, you were there, drinking beer with my dad and bowling. It’s amazing what a difference 4 months could make. Also you kicked almost everyone’s butt in that last round of bowling! 

Then this December my life changed for the second time since meeting you (the first being when you asked me out). In December, you proposed to me. We had been through a lot and it hadn’t been the easiest since I had moved back home but you proposed to me. After everything you still wanted to spend the rest of your life with me. That night we danced in your living room, in the condo we made home and you got down on one knee and asked me to spend the rest of my life with you. I cried then the same way I am crying right now as I write this post. Tears of joy are what I get when I think back to this moment and these tears will always re-surface when I think back to the perfect moment where you asked me to be your everything buddy forever. 

In 2017 everything changed for me. I started as a student in a new relationship, with no clue where my life was going to take me. Now here on the first day of 2018, I am a happy crying working adult, engaged to you who I admire and love so much. Our 2017 was hard and scary at times. I didn’t know where I was going or what I was doing but I knew that no matter what, I had you to join me in my uncertainty. Now 2018 is here and I have the utmost positivity that we will experience more excitement and love. We will plan our life together and go on many more adventures. While it won’t always be sunshine and rainbows, I will be with you through all those darker, scarier times. 

A new year means new adventures and I cannot wait to spend them with you. 

From,