#everystruggle

I picked up a horrible but so interesting trait from my father.. lack of affection.. holy fuck what a difficult time I have showing that .. If it weren't for my mother and both sets of grandparents I probably wouldnt even hug. All that aside, a few childhood experiences due to a piece of shit family member (that I don't even call family anymore) has a huge part in ruining any chances I had in being an amazingly comforting affectionate woman.. GUESS WHAT. IM FUCKING TRYING. no one will ever know my struggle the past 16 years.. never deep enough. No one will ever know how fucking far I have come, Or how far I push myself. to make sure I kiss my boyfriend first as much as he kisses me first, to hold my mum when I know that my words just won't help her that time, or saying I LOVE YOU to my father who would take a bullet for me but struggles with the same god damn issue. Every day is little success' And my newest goal and fucking promise is to make sure I smother and teach my child to love and accept love, as my parents have taught me physically and mentally.